July 24, #2 [O Town, "Baby I Would"]
Alright, so I’m getting ready for a switch over to blogger and fateback.
I’ve got most of my pages switched over to the new format and templates
so I’m thinking I’m about ready to go once I figure out the archives in
Blogger and a way to implement them with the current system that I have.
So yeah, get ready for the move, and also be patient if there’s any down
time in the pages.
In other news, Adam, Ang, and I hung out tonight. We started the nights
at Ang’s. Just me and her. Adam got there about 8. I was trying really hard
to hold back tears. A few of them got out, but all in all it was fair times
there. We watched, "What Women Want." It’s an ok movie, it moved
a little slow for me though. Adam and I had a talk there, and that was nice.
There’s still alot that we need to talk about. But it was really nice to
talk to him there. One of the things that I still need to talk with him
about is what are we going to do for now. I mean obviously we’re going to
be around each other during this time that he’s taking to find himself.
But if we keep going like we have been the last two days, I’m going to go
insane. If we’re going to be in a relationship yet. I would like to be able
to at least hold hands while we’re out, or hug and stuff. But if he’s going
to be uncomfortalbe with that, or thinks that that won’t help him, then
I’m also fine with giving that up some. Or at least for the time being.
I don’t realy know how long I’d be able to do this. But at the same time
I know he has to have his time, it’s not an overnight process, and I don’t
want to push him at all. And I also don’t want this relationship to end.
I feel as though I’m being selfish. By asking if I can hold his hand or
hug him in public while he’s in this time of his life.
Ok well after the movie we went out to the loop, we ran into Ben from our
HS there. He’s not gay but he was down there and that really freaked me
out. I felt really out of place down there tonight. I don’t know what’s
up. I’ve felt out of place in most places lately. I felt out of place at
Angie’s, I felt out of place when we were at Adam’s for that short amount
of time, I felt out of place at the loop. I’m thinking that vacation would
do me good right now, or maybe just a hermatage, ( I think that’s the word
I’m looking for ). But I really need the money, so I don’t think that I’ll
go on vacation with my family. I don’t really know what’s been wrong with
me lately. Well not even lately. Actually, I’ve felt out of it for a long time. Like I don’t really belong here. Like sometimes, people just hang
out with me cause I’m there. Or that people just call me cause they want
someone else there, not cause I’m fun to be around, or cause they really
like me for who I am. I also feel as though I’ve been a total asshole to
people over like the last week or so, especially to the person that means
the most to me right now. I so don’t want to lose anyone. Things in life
just haven’t been going my way lately, and I feel really bad.