Author: Cj B

So, after getting back from LA with Humberto, things were kinda weird. I kept trying to get him to talk to me last week but he never really said anything. Then yesterday I asked him what he was doing next weekend and he said something like “Well I need to talk to you” and then sent me this:

So, while meeting you I had to get to know that you are very skillful, you do a lot of things and you had achieved a lot of stuff. Sometimes you are very creative with the situations and that gets me very impressed. Moreover, you are quite cute and you know a lot about cultures and countries, you had traveled all around the world, you are going to go to Japan… a lot of things that I really want to do someday. So when I met you I was impressed and I thought that you may be the right one.
So, in this world, there are a lot of different personalities perhaps there are not two that are exactly the same, and some of them go with others. I had been thinking a lot, even before LA, about this. You know me… I’m strange and perhaps is the reason that I had never have someone, even though I had a lot of opportunities with other people. The point is that even though I have had great times with you, I feel that our personalities are not compatible, and there are a lot of things that I cannot provide to you (and that really worries me) I compare myself with past relationships that you had and it is kinda difficult to provide the same chemistry that Calvin and you had. It would be very easy to say yes and start a relationship, but I really want to do this because I feel that is the right thing.

So, we’re only going to be friends, which is expected. I mean I cannot deal with some of his oddities, but at the same time it’s also super sad and depressing.

Friday night Kevin came over and we hung out for the weekend. On Saturday he was showing me a video on his phone and a popup came up that said: “I want you so badly”. Ugh. I mean I know we’re not exclusive or anything but instantly my jealousy kicks in. He’s just not the right guy for me but we have booked a fucking trip together in November, so we have to hold out until then.

I am still regretting breaking up with Calvin, years later. I just dunno why/what I was thinking.

I’ve also been feeling a bit down lately again. I need to kick this and get going again. I spent Sunday just lounging around the house not really doing anything.

I went on a date last week with this guy and he’s nice but a bit bossy and bald… I dunno. Also went on a date Friday night with this guy from SF. But he’s just a bit too quiet for me.

Again it’s been a bit but I have been meaning to update you on the boys.

Humberto and I went to LA together for a long weekend. It was a lot of fun, but we had some issues. He refused to be even in his UNDERWEAR around me. He wore shorts and a t-shirt to bed every day. I hate that he refuses to be touched. It’s just super annoying. I guess we’re only going to be friends.

Kevin and I are seeming to fall apart a bit. He’s not been very texting, he admitted to fucking other guys in Canada. I dunno. It’s just super annoying.

I did T the other night for the first time. It was very interesting.

Also been feeling super down lately. Just hate my job.

Ugh. I guess that’s it.

So a little update, not much has really been going on though. Let’s start with boys.

Pokemon – So things have been ok. I got my car broken into and they stole all his shit. He’s been in Vancouver and Vegas the past week and a half. Last week he admitted to fucking two guys while he was in Vancouver. Now granted, I’ve been fucking plenty of guys here while he’s been gone. But it still annoyed me.. Today he invited me to two house warming parties next weekend. I asked “Are your friends going to be like the guys you wanted to fuck on BART” and he hasn’t replied as of now… So that means yes. I don’t think this is gonna work. He’s just not on the same page as I am

Humberto – We go to LA this weekend together. I haven’t seen him in two weeks. It will be interesting to see how things go in LA. But I have come to the conclusion that it’s not gonna work with him either. He’s just tooooooo picky about things, scared of everything, unwilling to expand and try new things. I just cannot.

So back to the dating world.

Last weekend I was in LA for a family reunion that was nice to hang out with everyone. But it was a super quick trip. I was sad that I didn’t get to see Army while I was there. But that was also expected.

I’ve been a bit down lately again. Just not sure what’s happening. Work sucks. etc.

I talked to my boss about a raise/more vacation time but no reply on that yet.

I saw Wings on tinder again… Made me sad. I miss him.

I also really miss Calvin. UGH He sent me a pic of him at the gym and he’s so fucking CUTE. Ugh. I really fucked up there.

Jason and I haven’t spoken since he was here in SF.

So, a lot has happened since I last posted but I will try to keep this short.

Kevin: We’ve been hanging out, we had a long talk on Sunday cause he came with me to tahoe and back for a day. He’s apparently been VERY slutty in the past but says he doesn’t want that any more. BUT he also said he’s not ready to settle down. WTF. So who knows what’s going on there. He’s super cute, a top and likes to just go home and play video games. We had sex after Tahoe and it was pretty good.

Humberto: We also have been hanging out, but he’s SO CONSERVATIVE, doesn’t like sex and gets shy/awk about everything sexual. We went to Sailor moon last night and actually held hands for the first time.

I just dunno.

Jason and I got into a huge fight and haven’t spoken since Friday. He has been texting Darin behind my back. Which is really annoying for me.

I bought two more trailers for my business. Now I need more people to RENT.

Things have been pretty crazy around here. I’m winding down the dating crazy as I’ve found two people who I’m pretty into and now I just want to spend more time getting to know them and see what happens.

First work, it’s been boring but I’ve been getting kinda busy the last two weeks. Our COO is clearly an idiot. He asked me today “What’s the difference between WIP and Finished goods”. WTF. I found out for sure that the NAV project is on hold until next year which is super let down. They also asked me to move my trailers to a different place so I’ve been struggling to find a place to rent to store them.

In the trailer business, I’ve been debating between selling the business or expanding it. It’s been going very well. I had 53% utilization last month! I was going to be happy at 30%. My year to date though is still pretty low. I have the cash ready to expand and buy two more trailers.. BUT I kind of want to find some sort of funding so that I don’t have to put $60k cash of my own money into the business.

Ok, so the exciting part of my life. Dating.

First Humberto. We are still chatting every day, we haven’t hung out since Ikea though which is sort of annoying. This past weekend I hinted at him multiple times to try to get him to INVITE me over to hang out but he never did. Then Sunday night he TXTed me and said “I wish we had hung out this weekend”. WTF. I’m going to be in the city on Friday with Jason and Darin so I invited him to hang out with us. As we all know, he’s super sweet and funny. I’m just sort of concerned about his sexual readiness.

Second is Kevin (Pokemon). I met him Friday night in the city, we hung out on our first date by going to look at houses for him to rent. He currently lives with his mom and dad and has a fucking CURFEW! At 25 years old! Sunday we agreed to hang out again so I drove down to his place in Fremont, picked him up and then we just did some random stuff including him getting me started on Pokemon and getting a hair cut together. Our first two dates were super random. He’s a really nice guy, funny super awk. BUT he said he could never be in a monogamous relationship! Also, he doesn’t know I’m HIV+ yet.

Army and I still chat. On Monday he told me about two dates he had this past weekend and I got super pissed. He’s currently in Los Angeles which I”m also super pissed about. He told me originally it was “just a few days during the week” but come to find out he’s there a FULL WEEK including a weekend. I could have totally seen him.

I have been really thinking about a kid more and more. But I just feel like it’s never gonna happen. I’m getting TOO OLD. At this rate by the time I find a husband, get married and then start to have a kid I’ll be fucking 40!

Nothing else to really report. I need a new job, more vacation and more monies.