So, after getting back from LA with Humberto, things were kinda weird. I kept trying to get him to talk to me last week but he never really said anything. Then yesterday I asked him what he was doing next weekend and he said something like “Well I need to talk to you” and then sent me this:
So, while meeting you I had to get to know that you are very skillful, you do a lot of things and you had achieved a lot of stuff. Sometimes you are very creative with the situations and that gets me very impressed. Moreover, you are quite cute and you know a lot about cultures and countries, you had traveled all around the world, you are going to go to Japan… a lot of things that I really want to do someday. So when I met you I was impressed and I thought that you may be the right one.
So, in this world, there are a lot of different personalities perhaps there are not two that are exactly the same, and some of them go with others. I had been thinking a lot, even before LA, about this. You know me… I’m strange and perhaps is the reason that I had never have someone, even though I had a lot of opportunities with other people. The point is that even though I have had great times with you, I feel that our personalities are not compatible, and there are a lot of things that I cannot provide to you (and that really worries me) I compare myself with past relationships that you had and it is kinda difficult to provide the same chemistry that Calvin and you had. It would be very easy to say yes and start a relationship, but I really want to do this because I feel that is the right thing.
So, we’re only going to be friends, which is expected. I mean I cannot deal with some of his oddities, but at the same time it’s also super sad and depressing.
Friday night Kevin came over and we hung out for the weekend. On Saturday he was showing me a video on his phone and a popup came up that said: “I want you so badly”. Ugh. I mean I know we’re not exclusive or anything but instantly my jealousy kicks in. He’s just not the right guy for me but we have booked a fucking trip together in November, so we have to hold out until then.
I am still regretting breaking up with Calvin, years later. I just dunno why/what I was thinking.
I’ve also been feeling a bit down lately again. I need to kick this and get going again. I spent Sunday just lounging around the house not really doing anything.
I went on a date last week with this guy and he’s nice but a bit bossy and bald… I dunno. Also went on a date Friday night with this guy from SF. But he’s just a bit too quiet for me.