Author: Cj B

So, yesterday was my birthday. We’ll get to that in a bit.

Since last update, not much communication from Dentist. I tried to reach out to him a few times, always got short answers. I asked him directly if we were going to hang out again, He said “Yea sure”. But hasn’t followed through on that. So whatever.

Went on another date with this guy from SAC. He was nice, but not really my type. If he lived closer, I could for sure see being friends with him.

Then out of no where last Friday USPS texts me. “I need a ride”. Ride length, about 10 minutes. Of course, I’m crazy, I agree to drive him. But the whole time, my mind is racing with questions like “Why me, why not uber, why not a shuttle, why not this or that”. He just needs to get his car from the Toyota dealer. I drive and pick him up. He gets in the car, we start chatting as if nothing had happened. As if it hadn’t been MONTHs since we spoke. I dropped him off, that night he texted me: “thanks for the ride, I owe you lunch or something”. A little banter back and forth about what “or something” meant. Then a few hours pass and he texts “Goodnight Chris”. I send a bitmoji back to him.

I talk to my therapist about this, she suggests I reach out to him, agree to the lunch. Discuss things. I would really love for him to be back in my life. As friends, as more? Who knows. He has a lot to deal with on his own before we could be “more” but the thought is always there in my mind about him. I miss his strong arms and hands. We’re supposed to have lunch on Sunday.

Yesterday was my birthday. A few days before I received a card in the mail from Pasta. Another person popping up who I haven’t spoken too in months! In this case, we haven’t said a word since 7/27! I figured that would be all I hear from him. But then on my birthday he texts me. Banter back and forth, again just as if we had been talking yesterday. As if we hadn’t got in a huge argument 6 months ago!

I honestly don’t know how to respond to either of them, or how to act. Both have a lot of underlying issues that we need to openly discuss first.

AND THEN the shocker…. Yesterday I get a text from this guy I went on ONE DATE with back in November. He was nice, we had a lot of fun. But nothing ever came up after that. He texts me happy birthday. I reply thanks and start talking. He invites me to come over. I go, I spend the night… WTF. So in the past week THREE people that I had cut contact with, re-appeared in my life. WTF.

So, I guess the Dentist is done? I dunno.

I was SUPER excited for that overnight trek. Monday I left work early, went grocery shopping, ran around packing/getting ready for it. Baked banana bread. Tuesday I left early again, rand home and packed up everything then left the house around 5pm. Took me a little over 1.5 hours to get there and as soon as I pulled in, I knew we had a problem. SIGNS EVERYWHERE saying “No Dogs”. I had specifically told him, I was bringing my dog. I asked him. Are dogs OK. He said yes.

I texted him, “We have a problem, no dogs allowed”. He said, “They don’t enforce it, no problem”. So I make 5 trips back and forth to my car to unload shit, while it’s POURING RAIN.

It was dark and raining, but the place looked SUPER SUPER cute. Rustic old cabin, etc.

I make one last trip to the car to get the dog out. There’s a guy standing next to my car, “Are you the one with the dog”. “Yes”. “We can’t have any dogs here, you need to leave”.

So, I make 5 more trips back and forth loading all the shit back into my care. Mind you, I’ve now been driving/packing/unpacking for 3 hours now. I’m hungry, I’m wet and Im’ VERY upset.

I leave to drive home, Dentist calls me and I’m driving in the mountains and I just tell him I cannot talk right now. He apologizes and refunds my money. I’m super pissed off. Not really at him but just at the situation in general. I should have fucking verified MYSELF that dogs were allowed. I was also annoyed AF because it was such a CUTE PLACE. I really wanted to stay the night.

I drive the 2 hours back home. Finally getting home at 10pm.

The Dentist and I have had a few texts since then, but nothing since yesterday. I guess he’s not interested now. I dunno.

I’m just so frustrated with dating.

I’m here in Yuba City this weekend working. Sort of sad about it too cause USPS and I had talked a lot about doing this project together. He was wanting to learn more about IT and this would have been a perfect task for him to learn on. Makes me think about him and miss him. I also really miss cuddling with him. He was so good.

Went on a date with a Dentist this past week. It was super fun, we talked a lot. We have a lot in common already that I can tell. He invited me to go on an overnight trip this upcoming week. So, of course since I’m CRAZY, I am going. Hope he’s not a murderer.

Also met another older guy on Tinder, he’s super nice so far as well, we have a date set for Monday.

I think I’m gonna focus on more guys my age and older…. They seem way more into moving my speed. lol

Well, that didn’t take long. He said he has “lost the passion”. So there we go….

So much emotions going on right now. 2019 is starting and I’m unsure what wtf is going on. First, things with Matt have been weird. I’m really not sure what to think/what’s going on with him. Ever since before Christmas he’s been sort of more distant. He hasn’t been texting as much, hasn’t send as many emojis, etc. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it. We met a few days ago for lunch and he had bought me a sweater, shoes and a shirt. That was nice of him. We had a good time but I just felt like we didn’t have much to say really. Last night he went to a NYE party and didn’t invite me. I saw a picture, it def wasn’t like a “close” friends thing. So not sure what his reasoning was. I mean I can also understand the side where it’s still very early and he doesn’t want to introduce me to all his friends. What annoyed me MORE about the situation is he didn’t ask me until like 10pm NYE what MY plans were. I also am not sure I can deal long term with him sleeping in until 10 or 11am. Everyone knows I’m an early bird. I am going to see him today. I dunno what to do.

Then last night, Calvin posted a picture of him and Will on instagram. I cried. I cannot get over him. I fucked that up so badly. I am cutting him out. I unfollowed him on Instagram and I’m not going to send him any more messages via text. I am debating if I should TELL him I’m going to ex-communicate him or not. I hate it.

USPS is still stuck on my mind. I miss him as well. I just want to be friends with him at least, but I don’t know how to go back. I don’t know if I can even go back on that.

I feel I have nothing to offer, wtf do I do. What makes me interesting? I don’t know. What keeps someone into me?

I just feel like everyone I know is in relationships and yet here I am still Single AF. what am I doing wrong. I fucked up the best thing to ever happen to me and I just can’t move on.

I sure hope 2019 brings along better things for me.