So much emotions going on right now. 2019 is starting and I’m unsure what wtf is going on. First, things with Matt have been weird. I’m really not sure what to think/what’s going on with him. Ever since before Christmas he’s been sort of more distant. He hasn’t been texting as much, hasn’t send as many emojis, etc. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it. We met a few days ago for lunch and he had bought me a sweater, shoes and a shirt. That was nice of him. We had a good time but I just felt like we didn’t have much to say really. Last night he went to a NYE party and didn’t invite me. I saw a picture, it def wasn’t like a “close” friends thing. So not sure what his reasoning was. I mean I can also understand the side where it’s still very early and he doesn’t want to introduce me to all his friends. What annoyed me MORE about the situation is he didn’t ask me until like 10pm NYE what MY plans were. I also am not sure I can deal long term with him sleeping in until 10 or 11am. Everyone knows I’m an early bird. I am going to see him today. I dunno what to do.
Then last night, Calvin posted a picture of him and Will on instagram. I cried. I cannot get over him. I fucked that up so badly. I am cutting him out. I unfollowed him on Instagram and I’m not going to send him any more messages via text. I am debating if I should TELL him I’m going to ex-communicate him or not. I hate it.
USPS is still stuck on my mind. I miss him as well. I just want to be friends with him at least, but I don’t know how to go back. I don’t know if I can even go back on that.
I feel I have nothing to offer, wtf do I do. What makes me interesting? I don’t know. What keeps someone into me?
I just feel like everyone I know is in relationships and yet here I am still Single AF. what am I doing wrong. I fucked up the best thing to ever happen to me and I just can’t move on.
I sure hope 2019 brings along better things for me.