La la. Work

La la. I’m at work again. Today’s going to be a long day here. I’m supposed to be working on this thing for the Conference room, which I really don’t want to be doing. But oh well. It has to be done.

I never did get to see/talk to Adam yesterday. I really want to. I’m missing him, and I want to talk to him about somethings. I hope he’s on tonight so that I can talk to him.

I have a math test tonight at 7, that’s not going to be fun. Especially since I haven’t even opened the book yet for this chapter. Grrr at math class.

I figured out my schedule for January. I should be able to make about $1,000. Yay for money.

La la. Not going to do this yet. Yesterday there was a sweet ass storm thing. It was so cool. I like thunderstorms. Incase I hadn’t told anyone that yet. I really do.

Nazanin just came in a babbled at me about something that I really don’t care about. So now you all get to hear about it. Yesterday during that storm, we had a power surge here…. I was inturupted, it’s now an hour and half after I started writing that and I forgot what I was writing about. So now I’m out. Laters….

Adam and goneness

[Radiohead, “Nice Dream”]

Adam left me an IM whilst I was gone. It made me sad. But it also made me think. He said that he thought I was mad last night cause he was listening to Eddie and not paying attention to me. Now, that did annoy me, but it didn’t make me mad. The reason this makes me sad is becuase that such a small thing like that would make him think that I was mad. Do I really require so much attention? Does he really feel that I’m controlling? What’s he feel. What front do I put towards people. It makes me sad to think that he thinks I’m so controlling as to be mad that he wasn’t talking to me.

I also went to the doctor today. I got more drugs. She said that I might be to controlling, and that I require to much attention. Do I really? What do you people think?

I saw Omar today, it was odd.

I’m out. This is sadness.

Procrastinating

[Billy Joel, “Lullabye”]

La la la la, I’m procrastinating. I have to write this stupid paper about the whole Sept 11th thing. I have the intro done, which is good. But I don’t want to do the whole research part of it. Grrr at that. Why can’t I just know everything. We should be built in with all the knowledge we’ll ever need to know. lol. Screw books, who needs ’em? We already know it all. hehe.

Yeah, procrastination…..

Adam thinks that I’m mad at him. I’m not, I’m sad that he thinks that. I don’t like having him think that I’m mad at him, or having him mad at me. 🙁

There’s some dancy thing this weekend that Adam’s going to. I’m not going, he didn’t ask me to go. He said he’s going to go by himself, so I’m all alone Friday night. Someone call me so we can do something. (How pathetic is that?)

La la la, procrastinating. I like starbrusts.

There’s some movie thing Friday and Saturday night at Valley High School. This kid made a film about how people use “gay” as a derogatory word. Everyone should go. It’s at 6 and 7 and it’s only like 40 minutes long, it’d be cool.

La la la. I should work.

Starbursts

[Rent, “Finale”]

So, I’m back. It’s been a really long day. I got EDNT fixed, just in time too cause Vermont crashed again today. So I switched over to EDNT, only to find out that SMTP wasn’t working, so I tried reinstalling sendmail, but that didn’t fix the problems. So I went to LINUX, got everything copied over, and got that up and running. So now EDNT is backing up LINUX which is really Vermont. I need to get EDNT’s SMTP working, but I just can’t figure it out, all the config files are there, it’s running, I’ve tried restarting it, and that doesn’t help any. Linuxconf doesn’t seem to recognize that it’s installed, so I can’t use it to configure it. Damnit. I copied all the confin files from LINUX to, and it still doesn’t work. Oh well. Time to do another re-install. This time, I’m installing everything. Fuck what Nazanin wants.

I guess the post from Dec 2nd made Adam cry, becuase I feel more at home at his home, then I do at my own. And it’s true I really do. I’d so much rather go to his house, then have to go to my house, ever again. I mean, the anger in my house is just so bad. Everytime I see my dad, I just want to punch him and tell him how bad he’s made my life. How much he’s fucked up what I wanted to do, by making me work at the store all those years, by making me get a job when I was 15, by doing all this shit that he made me do. Everytime I see him. My brother it’s the same way. I hate him so much, he’s stolen my life as well. He’s taken evrything that I’ve had, all my possesions. When we were younger, he always tried getting to bed first, so that he could get the top bunk, then we got older and got our own rooms, but he still couldn’t leave me alone, he would come in and steal my things, everything ranging from toys, to cd’s to anything that wasn’t bolted down. Then I went off to college. I packed everything in my room into boxes, taped them shut, thinking that he wouldn’t be able to get into them there. Boy was I wrong, he not only got into the boxes, but he stole my entire room. They moved him into _MY_ room. Then, I went and got a new car. I sold my old car to my dad for him to drive, cause he wanted better gas mileage then what he was getting on the van. But, Andy’s driving my car more then my dad is. When I was his age, they wouldn’t let me drive any of their cars unless they were in that car with me. I had to buy my own car, I had to pay for my own gas to get places. They let him drive that car, without paying for gas. Is anything ever going to be just mine? Or he is going to be everywhere, so that he can steal my life? My mom’s a different story. There’s alot of anger between her and me, there’s alot that we don’t get along on, but sometimes she’s supportive, and I like that. But I could never talk to her, I could never have a relationship with my mom, the way that Adam does with his mom. Like a couple weeks ago, I was really pissed at my dad, I couldn’t talk to my mom about it. So I went to Adam’s house. Adam and I talked about it some, but then his mom came in and we all started talking. By the time I left there, I was in the best mood. I feel as though they really are my second family. Thank you!

I wish I could rememeber those poems that I had in my head last night. I remember that one of them was for Adam, something about being inspiring. But I can’t remember exactly how it went, and all of them that I’ve come up with today have sounded really stupid in my head. Oh well. I know they’re in there somewhere. They’ll come back out when they feel like it.

Work and Poems

Last night I was laying in bed, just thinking about things, and I came up with like 3 really good poems. Of course, now I can’t remember them. I should get a laptop, so I can just sit in bed and write them down. Oh well. Maybe I’ll remember them laters.

Not much is really going on here. I’m at work, installing Redhat 7.2 and looking into RAID’s. I dunno if we should go with a Software RAID or a hardware RAID. Vermont crashed over the weekend and now Nazanin is finally taking backup’s seriously. We had EDNT and LINUX backing up Vermont, so we were dafe, but now Mike came in Monday and fucked up EDNT cause he’s a twat and now it’s not backing up at all. The Ass. He shouldn’t be allowed to touch my computers ever again.

Ok, well I’m off to do some more work, laters.