Author: Cj B

[Lion King, “Can You Feel The Love Tonight”]

Well, I just got back to the dorm from Adam’s house. He’s still dead sick today. It makes me sad to see him like this. I just hope that he gets better soon. I hated leaving him like that too. I mean I’ve spent so much time at thier house this weekend. So much time just laying there with him. Hoping that my being there would help him get better. I know it won’t, but I just like being there for him. I like to just lay there with him, watch him sleep, listen to him breathing, taking care of him. Just talking to him. Thier house feels more like home to me then my own house does. When I’m there I have this urge to help Melinda out, to pick things up for her. It’s just that being there makes me so happy, a happyness that isn’t in my house, they feel like a family to me. I wish my family would feel like family, but they don’t. There’s just so much built up hatred and anger there. I can’t get along with them, I never will be able to get along with them again. It’s just not possible.

I’m probably going to be sick this next week now and I’ll regret being over there when he was so sick. But I loved the time that I was there with him. I really did. I love you, Adam.

So, Chris… What’d you do today? Umm, well I went over to Adam’s and layed on his couch all day. Yep, that’s what I did all day long. But ya know what. It was the best day in the world. Not for Adam, unfortunetly, but for me I had a great time. Just laying there with talking to, caring for the person that I love, who’s sick. We just talked all day, watched TV. Did nothing. It was so great. I mean, it’s little things like this that I like, little things like that this that makes me want to be his boyfriend more then just his friend. But it was still a great time. I just hope that he gets better soon. I hate seeing him sick.

Well, since that’s all I did, that’s all I’m going to update about. Laters all.

[Back Street Boys, “I Want You Back”]

Ok, so tonight I went out with Julian, Dean, Mandy and Adam. It was good times to see everyone again. I haven’t seen Dean in like forever. So it was cool to get to hang out with him again. We went rollerskating the first part of the night, that was amusing. It was like teen night or something so there were a bunch of like 12 year olds there. But the Dj was pretty hot, so that was good. After that we went to Villiage Inn and ate supper, then we went downtown. It was a good night.

I’m still having a bit of a problem with somethings though. I feel as though when ever we go out with a large group, Adam tends to distance himself from me. I don’t really know how to explain it. Maybe I’m just being nittpicky (spelling) because of our commitmentless relationship status. I mean, the thought of him going out with someone else scares me to death. I would be so upset if that were to happen, but yet he doesn’t want a relationship with me. It’s all confusing. We talked about all this the other night which helped some, but still. I don’t think this problems going to go away until there is commitment, but I don’t want to push it. When and or if he’s ready, that’s when it will happen. I’ve given him my thoughts on the subject. He knows that I want a relationship again. So the balls in his court as to weather or not we start one again.

On a bit of a happier note; You have just read the first real entry created by Greymatter. YAY!

Nov 30, [Sophie B. Hawkins, "Right Beside You"]

Gwar. It’s like snow/raining out. Fucken ‘Ell I want to be able to go out

tonight. Well I want to be able to make it home really. Fucking winter.

I want out of this state.

Maybe it’s just me, but there seems to be an over abundance of hot guys

out since we got back from T-day break. Which is nice, but another thing

I hate about winter is that they all wear big coats that cover up their

asses. 🙁 Speaking of hot guys though, I saw Mike today. He was wearing

the cutest sweater. He’s so cute. lol

Oh, I also saw Jessa this morning, I waved at her, after giving her a wierd

look cause I was like, "What the hell are you doing on this side of

campus this early in the morning." But yeah, I also saw Angela Currie

today too, that was wierd. I was like, "OMG, I didn’t know she went

here." But she was with some guy, so I didn’t talk to her at all.

I’m thinking about skipping Math class so that I can make it home earlier,

but there’s really no point in doing that. I dunno, I’m going to go watch

the weather and see what they are saying….

I’m going out with Julian, Mandy, Dean and Adam tonight, it’ll be good

to hang out with them. I haven’t seen Dean in like forever. It’ll be cool.

Hot guys are good.

Oh, last night I went to bed at like 9:30 cause I was bored. Well I couldn’t

get to sleep, so I layed there thinking up wierd random things, like begnings

and endings Marching band shows, and all kinds of wierd things. It was hillarious,

well at least in my head it was. Then this morning I woke up about 6 and

couldn’t get back to sleep. Good times I guess.

Ok, well I’m off to get packed and shit. Laters all!