Author: Cj B

[Radiohead, “Nice Dream”]

Adam left me an IM whilst I was gone. It made me sad. But it also made me think. He said that he thought I was mad last night cause he was listening to Eddie and not paying attention to me. Now, that did annoy me, but it didn’t make me mad. The reason this makes me sad is becuase that such a small thing like that would make him think that I was mad. Do I really require so much attention? Does he really feel that I’m controlling? What’s he feel. What front do I put towards people. It makes me sad to think that he thinks I’m so controlling as to be mad that he wasn’t talking to me.

I also went to the doctor today. I got more drugs. She said that I might be to controlling, and that I require to much attention. Do I really? What do you people think?

I saw Omar today, it was odd.

I’m out. This is sadness.

[Rent, “Finale”]

So, I’m back. It’s been a really long day. I got EDNT fixed, just in time too cause Vermont crashed again today. So I switched over to EDNT, only to find out that SMTP wasn’t working, so I tried reinstalling sendmail, but that didn’t fix the problems. So I went to LINUX, got everything copied over, and got that up and running. So now EDNT is backing up LINUX which is really Vermont. I need to get EDNT’s SMTP working, but I just can’t figure it out, all the config files are there, it’s running, I’ve tried restarting it, and that doesn’t help any. Linuxconf doesn’t seem to recognize that it’s installed, so I can’t use it to configure it. Damnit. I copied all the confin files from LINUX to, and it still doesn’t work. Oh well. Time to do another re-install. This time, I’m installing everything. Fuck what Nazanin wants.

I guess the post from Dec 2nd made Adam cry, becuase I feel more at home at his home, then I do at my own. And it’s true I really do. I’d so much rather go to his house, then have to go to my house, ever again. I mean, the anger in my house is just so bad. Everytime I see my dad, I just want to punch him and tell him how bad he’s made my life. How much he’s fucked up what I wanted to do, by making me work at the store all those years, by making me get a job when I was 15, by doing all this shit that he made me do. Everytime I see him. My brother it’s the same way. I hate him so much, he’s stolen my life as well. He’s taken evrything that I’ve had, all my possesions. When we were younger, he always tried getting to bed first, so that he could get the top bunk, then we got older and got our own rooms, but he still couldn’t leave me alone, he would come in and steal my things, everything ranging from toys, to cd’s to anything that wasn’t bolted down. Then I went off to college. I packed everything in my room into boxes, taped them shut, thinking that he wouldn’t be able to get into them there. Boy was I wrong, he not only got into the boxes, but he stole my entire room. They moved him into _MY_ room. Then, I went and got a new car. I sold my old car to my dad for him to drive, cause he wanted better gas mileage then what he was getting on the van. But, Andy’s driving my car more then my dad is. When I was his age, they wouldn’t let me drive any of their cars unless they were in that car with me. I had to buy my own car, I had to pay for my own gas to get places. They let him drive that car, without paying for gas. Is anything ever going to be just mine? Or he is going to be everywhere, so that he can steal my life? My mom’s a different story. There’s alot of anger between her and me, there’s alot that we don’t get along on, but sometimes she’s supportive, and I like that. But I could never talk to her, I could never have a relationship with my mom, the way that Adam does with his mom. Like a couple weeks ago, I was really pissed at my dad, I couldn’t talk to my mom about it. So I went to Adam’s house. Adam and I talked about it some, but then his mom came in and we all started talking. By the time I left there, I was in the best mood. I feel as though they really are my second family. Thank you!

I wish I could rememeber those poems that I had in my head last night. I remember that one of them was for Adam, something about being inspiring. But I can’t remember exactly how it went, and all of them that I’ve come up with today have sounded really stupid in my head. Oh well. I know they’re in there somewhere. They’ll come back out when they feel like it.

Last night I was laying in bed, just thinking about things, and I came up with like 3 really good poems. Of course, now I can’t remember them. I should get a laptop, so I can just sit in bed and write them down. Oh well. Maybe I’ll remember them laters.

Not much is really going on here. I’m at work, installing Redhat 7.2 and looking into RAID’s. I dunno if we should go with a Software RAID or a hardware RAID. Vermont crashed over the weekend and now Nazanin is finally taking backup’s seriously. We had EDNT and LINUX backing up Vermont, so we were dafe, but now Mike came in Monday and fucked up EDNT cause he’s a twat and now it’s not backing up at all. The Ass. He shouldn’t be allowed to touch my computers ever again.

Ok, well I’m off to do some more work, laters.

So this morning I woke up in a really good mood cause I watched QaF last night, and got a good nights sleep. I headed off to class, got all the freaking way over to Food Sciences, and found out that class was cancelled. Well I was to lazy to walk back to my dorm room, so I sat in Curitss and read the news paper and wrote the intro to my paper. I thought it was pretty good. After that I slept for about an hour or so. It was good times.

After I spet for a while, I went to class. Soc was damn boring this morning. I don’t even remember what all we talked about. So yeah. I have to start studying shit here soon. Like mad studying. But whatever.

Adam’s feeling better now, which is a really good thing. He said he’s going to try and go to school tomorrow. I just hope that I don’t come down with what he has, I can’t afford to miss any work or school. So yeah. If I get sick, he’s in trouble. lol.

Ok, not much really going on. Vero gave me Civ III and I’m burning it right now. I’ve heard it’s a really fun game and every since Civ II I’ve wanted to buy it. But I’ve just never cared enough to spend the money. I’m out now to fix the firewall on Linux. Laters all.