Author: Cj B

Do I Ask To Much?

Do I? I mean would it be to much to call me and say, “Hey, I’m not going to be around tonight.” Is it to much to do, so that I don’t spend my night worring where he’s at, worrying about what’s going on, why’s he not talked to me today? Am I asking to much….

Last time he got a Friday out of school, he went out and got high. So this time, when he didn’t call, didn’t show up to talk, I worried, is that where he’s at now. Is he getting high again. I worried.

It’s not that I don’t want him to go out during the week. It’s not that I’m being controlling and saying that he has to be online every five minutes. It’s really for my own sanity, because I do love him so much that I worry, if he’s not online and I don’t know that he’s out, in my mind that means bad things. For example on Tuesday, we talked for a while, from about 5-5:30. I had to leave to go back to the dorms, so I told him. “I’ll be back on in like 30 minutes.” Never once did he say that he would be leaving to go to a meeting, never once. So I get back to the dorm, expecting for him to be on, so that we can continue our converstaion where we left off. But when I got back and looked, he wasn’t on… I restart Aim, to make sure it haden’t frozen. But he still wasn’t on… I waited, and I waited, 7:30, he still wasn’t around, 8:30, he still wasn’t around, finally about 10:30 he got back on, and said that he had his Bonsia meeting. “In case you were wondering.” Yes I was wondering, no, scratch that I wasn’t just wondering, I was worrying. Worrying why he wasn’t there to talk to, had I said something to make him mad, had he gotten in trouble. I didn’t know…

So on Thursday, when he didn’t show up, I worried. I worried about where he was, what had happened, why wasn’t he on. As the night grew on my anxiety grew. Where was he, was he out getting high, or…I dunno. I wondered, I worried. I tried calling, calling his cell phone, then I remember he had lost it, so that wouldn’t help. Tried calling his house, no one answered. What was I to do. I sat in front of my computer, staring at a blank screen for hours, wishing, hoping that the next person to get online would be him, wishing that that box that said “Adam’s Online” would pop to the front. But I was left, wondering, worrying. Wishing that he would call to tell me that he’s going to be out, telling me that he loves me. Message me or something. As the night grew older, my anxiety turned to anger, why can’t he tell me if he’s going to be gone, so that I don’t worry. This isn’t the first time, I don’t care where he is… Well I do, but. I just want to know that he’s alright. Really that’s all I want….

Is this to much to ask?

Tired, Sleep

I’m really fucking tired today. I couldn’t get to sleep last night, to many things going though my mind. Mostly things about my back, it’s hurting like hell again. There was also alot of other things on my mind, but I really don’t want to get into that.

So today at work was really long too. We’re working on making this CD for MCC, it has like 50 presentations by all these people from the DOE, DOD, NASA and a whole shit load of National Labs etc. Well I was going though them all, fixing broken movies, adding bookmarks to them (8 bookmarks in each one) and changing the startup properties. It took me about 5 hours to get through them all. Then I took them into Nazanin to show her the finals. She started going though them, and there were like a couple that were “bigger” then the others. And she also decided she wanted to change the startup properties on them. I was about ready to kill her. Earlier I had done one, showed it to her, and she said that was good. I asked her if there was _ANYTHING_ she wanted to change, and she said now. But she’s a stupid bitch, so I had to go through them all and change the fucking things again. Why does she have to be such a nit-picky littlee bitch. And the worst thing is that she can’t understand most of what you tell her. You tell her that something can’t be done, and she insists that it can. I usually prove her wrong, but it’s just a pain in the ass. If she would just let us do our work and she did hers, we would get so much more shit done. But that’s govement work for you.

XMMS is dead and it’s sad. I upgraded to 1.2.6 from 1.2.5 and now it plays things in like fastforward. It’ll play a 3 minute song in like 3 seconds…..

Ok, Gotta love forums. I found the answer, XMMS lives again! ::yay::

Not much is really going on. I found out they offer alot of neet religion classes here. So I’m going to take some next semster, they look interesting. I still need to find another class for this summer though. So I’m going to go search the book some more. Laters all…..

A Guy That Has It All

I love how he has it all. He’s got a computer with 4 CPU’s and a computer with 10 PCI card slots. He’s got 8 Os’s on one computer and 10 Gig of RAM. He’s got a card that lets him back up his computers to VHS tape, yeah that’s right VHS, as in movie tapes. He’s got programs and data bases that do it all for him. He’s got a computer with Battery powered RAM, so that when he shuts off his computer, he’s not really shutting it off. He’s got it all I tell you, everything.

Yeah, I just love it how everytime he mentions something, he says, I hvae one of those, or a student last semester did this. It’s crazy. I tell you half his stories are false. Stupid MIS teacher. Well at least one things cool about him though, he’s a Linux guy, and he puches Open Source all the time.

Today’s been fairly good, I had my Accounting test at 11. I told myself last night that I was going to get up at 8 and study tell 11. I was up at 7, but I didn’t want to get out of bed, so I laid there tell 8, when my alarm went off. I still didn’t want to get out of bed, so I reset it for 9:30. I got up then, got dressed and went off to study. I studied for like 40 minutes or so. I think I did fairly well on my test though. So it’s good. And Sri said that they curve in there is way cool. So I hope things go well. I have to have at least a B+ average this semester.

I’ve started thinking about my classes for next semster as well (Summer). I’m going to take Psych 280, and I wanted to take Phot 201, but they don’t offer it during the summer. So I’m going to find some other class to take, probably something like Comp Graphics, or a Networking class. I just have to at least have 9 credits this semester and one has to fulfill a Soc/Psych req, and the other has to fullfill an International Req. I dunno, it should all work out.

I’m fairly certian I got the buttons working ont he other side, it was a stupid line break problem caused by IE.

The weekend of March 1, Adam and I are going to Corning/Lenox. We’re leaving Ankeny about 6:30ish Thursday night, go to Lenox, spending the night there, hanging out with G&G and Beak on Friday morning/afternoon. Hanging out with David Friday night, sleeping at G&G’s Friday night. Hanging out with G&G and Beak and random Lenoxing Saturday and then going home Saturday afternoon/night. It’ll be fun times.