Author: Cj B

Three Dates.. One Night

Hmm, so thursday night was pretty good. I went out with Robert for his birthday, we went to H Marys and hung out. I drank a lot and got pretty drunk. The waiter was flirting with me. And he wasn’t very cute.

Today Austin and I got in a huge fight. I again told him that I can’t handle being friends with him if he’s going to keep draging me through all this shit… His response.

“Alright then we’re done… goodbye”.

God damnit. Why does everyone just flow through my life like butter on a hot skillet. I’m sorry that I fell in love with him, and he can’t handle that. I’m sorry that you’re such a jerk and you can’t see that you hurt the hell out of me when you talk about having sex with some random guy who you’re going on a second fucking date with.

God damnit. I left work early because I was just sitting there crying anyways.

I called up this guy and asked him to go see a matinee with me.

So we went and saw TransAmerica. It was really good, but I spent most of the movie crying and being annoyed by the guy. He kept fucking talking through the whole thing and he was SO LOUD. Ugh, I wanted to punch him. Plus his voice was just annoying as hell. Gah.

Came home and sat around a bit. Getting ready for the other two dates…

They both sucked.

Called Austin to try and work things out.. He didn’t give a shit so now we’re through for good.

I just wanna fucking die now. I hate my fucking life.

Why do I fuck everything up.

The one person who I’ve REALLY connected with since I moved here and now he’s gone… Gone.

Ugh!

Arrrrrgggggg!

Why do I obsess!

Make it stop.

Why why why!

I think that’s the thing I hate most about myself!

Going out tonight to a birthday party… Been invited to a birthday party for tomorrow. Possible date on Saturday night.

Going to see a play for sure Saturday. If Ausitn ditches, then it’s a date with someone else.

Ugh.. time to go now. Adios!

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Today’s supposed to be really emotional for me, based on my scope.. And it sure has been so far! Fuckers!

I had a date last night, it was a mess. The guy was like 5’4” and 24, not in college and has been working at Starbucks for the last 5 years. Yeah, not what I’m looking for. He was nice though, perhaps friends will work there.

Breakdown….

So.. I moved into the new office today for good… I have a feeling some people are mad about that. Umm, who knows for sure, whatever. I like it. Though it’s very empty.

Lat night I kinda had a break down, with being alone again and all that… The date boy cancelled. Fuckers.

So I called Angel and bitched at her for a while. She helped. I kinda wanna just fly her out here for a week or something to hang out. Gah.

I’ve replied to a few interview offers, but haven’t heard anything from those people back yet.

My group is going good so far, there’s 13 people that have joined already! And one of them is a complete random! So that’s cool. Now it’s just to see if these people will ACTUALLY go camping or not.

This guy Nile called me like 4 times last night, but I was in bed.. I wonder what the hell he wanted. How random. I tried calling him back this morning, but he didn’t answer.

Adios

Invite me.

Ugh.

So Austin’s in San Diego for the week.

I’ve been having this hope that he’d call me and invite me down for a day to hang out with him down there.

I just got off the phone with him… Apparently the other day he went on a date with this guy Orlando.. Some guy who he’s been AVOIDING since we started hanging out.

And suddenly he really likes this guy, and is going to invite him down there for a night to hang out.

God. I just wanna cry. Ugh!

Fucking shit, why do I leave myself so wrapped up in this guy.

Why do all the dates that I have end up like shit.

I did a crazy self-esteem workout thing at my meeting today. It helped some, but I feel like it’s going to take a lot to really do it and make it help. He gave me this huge workbook of things to do.

I feel like I should do one for this.

Infact, I’m off to do that now.

Adios.