July 23, [Phil Collins, “We Wait And We Wonder”]
Well tonight hasn’t been good. I went out with Adam and Ang. When I got
to Adam’s place he was being a little wierd. He didn’t hug me or great me
when I came in the door. He just laid there. Then we went out and he was
just out of it all night. He didn’t want to be touched, or anything. So
I knew something was up. But I didn’t know what. Well Ang left and it was
just me and him. WE walked around the mall some and before we left we were
sitting on the couches that are there. We were just talking and I said "Sometime
we need to talk." Well on the way home, he asked me how I felt after
the whole thing on Saturday. And I was like, well i really enjoyed it. And
I was like, how’d you feel. He said that he felt kinda wierd and he was
talking about how Ang and everyone was leaving. He also said that he’s been
really emotional lately. But we talked about it, and he said he wanted to
back off some. And I’m cool with that, I’m all up for giving him room and
letting him think for a while about where he wants to go in his life. I’m
really all cool with that and with him. But what makes me really sad is
that he called me his "best friend." That hurt. After what we
shared on saturday. I can kinda understand it, but still. When I said that
we needed to talk. I was going to tell him that I loved him. And I fell
that I really do. But back to the whole space thing. I told him that I would
support him in any choise that he makes and that I understand about him
needing space. I’ve had like 8 years now to think about it. He’s had like
litteraly months before he was put into this, and within weeks of him coming
out, he had a Bf, me. I can understand that he needs space, and I’m more
then willing to give it to him. But at the same time, I don’t want to be
left hanging in space not knowing where our relationship is going in the
long run of things.