Boys and boys. Always about the boys and confusing as always.
Things have been busy since I got back from sailing. Work has been work as usual and this stupid project is just not getting what I want done. I am honestly just so over it at this point. We delayed the project yet again so that we could get upgraded to BC18 which would have been a huge improvement over what we have now but then our consultant basically said that wasn’t going to be possible at all. So now we need to either move back to the original timeline or we need to keep the current timeline. I really do not like the current timeline as it’s scheduled to go live in December which causes a lot of problems for me time wise.
Speaking of December, I am going back to Iowa of course and so I texted Suresh about spending some time at his place and hanging out. He said he had to “ask his roommate” but he hasn’t gotten back to me since then. I also was REALLY drunk Saturday night and texted him: “I really miss cuddling”. His reply: “I’m sure you can find a good cuddler in Oakland”. WTF. Not, “I miss cuddling too” or anything like that. ::rolls eyes::
Rav texted me and invited me to some asian dance party and also to a circuit party. I told him I would be interested in both but for the asian dance party I wouldn’t know until saturday depending on how tired I am. He said something else and I jokingly said: “why, if I don’t come are you going to invite another hookup”. He hasn’t replied to me since. He was also in oakland yesterday and no message. So whatever. I honestly feel a bit used by him. Before my sailing class he was all about hanging out multiple times per week, he was initiating hanging out, etc. In my opinion he was the one who was pushing it more towards romantic/sexual, etc. Then we had sex and now he wants to be “just friends”. Was the sex bad or something? I would love to go to the things with him but I just can’t stand by and watch him like fuck or make out with other people. I don’t want to be the guy at the bar who’s trying to get with him and he keeps running away to someone else. I’m not that desperate. For the circuit party he said “My friends ditched me” which makes me feel like I”m just the backup plan anyway.
I had a date with Mark which was nice. He’s a nice guy and we had a good time. He’s going to come over today and we are going to go for a hike… But he told me he is moving to San Francisco. I am sure once he moves there things will change and he will not want to hang out any more.
Charles is the big one here, we have hung out three times since I got back from sailing. I am honestly not sure what is going on at all though. First we met Thursday and went to this DJ thing in SF, it was super chill, we sat next to each other on the couch, had drinks, listed to the DJ and just had a good time. Then we met Saturday and he brought his best friend Eric with him. This was SUPER awk. I invited Derik as well so that we could be a foursome instead of having Eric feel like a third wheel. But it was clear AS SOON as they got there that Eric was either not happy or something was up. He was very stand offish, mean, not willing to have a conversation about anything at all. We all got Viet food and then went back to our apartment so they could see it. We got back and Derik went into his room to hide or something so it was just the three of us in the living room area.
At this point, I just wanted them to leave honestly. I didn’t want CHARLES to leave but I wanted this Eric guy to leave. So I purposely tried to make it very awk. Eric was just… I’m not even sure how to explain it… So Charles and I sat on the couch and Eric sat at the kitchen table having a drink. FINALLY they decided to go to some bar here in Oakland that Charles’ aunt owns and I was like “Ok, have fun”. But then Charles invited me to come along. So I went, why not?
We got to the bar and Eric was still super weird, he just sat there silently, I tried to talk to him and he would give me one word answers. Charles and I chatted here and there but it was just strange. We had a lot of drinks, some free shots, and I got very drunk… We walked back to the apartment around 11pm and I said goodnight to them.
I honestly don’t know how I feel about Charles or what is going on with him at this point. He totally ghosted me. (come to find out it’s because some other guy was into him or something. I didn’t get the whole story). Now he’s back and hanging out but we haven’t kissed or anything yet, just hugs so far.
Sunday, I was in Vallejo all day long. I texted Charles as I was leaving and he invited me to come have dinner with him at work. So I drove over there, bought dinner from this place down the street and then we sat outside and ate. I mean this is the sort of thing I want, “Hey, I’m passing by you”; “Come have dinner with me”. That’s exactly the sort of reply I want out of someone, not “I’m sure you can find a good cuddler in oakland”.
But I’m not even sure if Charles is remotely interested or just a “friends only” type thing. I also don’t know if I should bring it up yet or not. I mean we’ve had sex multiple times before as hookups… Then he disappeared now it’s like we’re back at ground zero but as dating/friends? I want to just ask him, “what are we doing”. I want to be clear about the expectations. I’m fine if he wants to be JUST FRIENDS but I want to know now. I don’t want this to end up another Suresh or Rav situation.
We made plans to go hike on Thursday.