My Life


Spent the last week having an amazing time. Learning to sail was so much fun and I am hooked. I cannot wait to do it again. There’s a lot of stress though with learning something new and something that can potentially go wrong. But I really had a great time. The whole trip was just nothing but happiness and excitement.

But of course, it ended poorly. Rav and I had sex (first time after 5 dates) before I left for the trip, we had a good time, we talked about hanging out more, he said he would miss me while I was gone. We texted every day I was gone. Thursday I messaged him and asked when we were going to hang out again. He replied “let’s plan something”. I told him I got back on Saturday at 1pm and was free saturday night or any evening this week. No reply… No reply… No reply… Sunday I message him at 5am cause I couldn’t sleep. He was still awake which was surprising. He told me he had just got back from the bars… I said, “what no invite?” he said he “got the days confused”… I asked him if he was just not interested any more. He replied with: “Yeah, I’m just looking for something casual and I’m not looking to commit or anything serious right now. I’m not ready to be in another relationship yet. I’m taking this time to know myself and figure out what I want to do”… Ok, that’s fine. I’m cool with casual with him. But Jesus. And then, no reply since then. So I assume that it’s not that he doesn’t want something casual, he just doesn’t want anything at all with me. So of course, what was an amazing trip, ended with a let down.

Suresh and I chatted a bit yesterday, that was nice. Charles messaged me on instagram about something, we were talking about what had been going on, so I just switched to text message. No reply from him there. I seriosuly DO NOT understand these guys.

I am also super down about what’s going on with the fucking friends/etc. Now that I know how to sail, I really want to plan some big trips, invite 8 or 10 people to go along. But I don’t even know 8 or 10 people at this point that would want to or be able to go even. I was super excited cause Rav and I talked bout it, he said he was down, wanted to go, the reddit boys would love to go.. etc etc. Now he won’t even reply to me any more.

Like what’s the point of learning to sail, what’s the point of doing this stuff if I can’t even get anyone to be my friend, to hang out with me, to want to date me. I told Suresh that I wish I could be more like him in the sense that he just don’t give a fuck. I wish I could just not give a fuck, be happy just sitting home watching tv all day, not doing anything. Cause seriously, what am I going to do in 10 years? Still be single and alone, have no one to go anywhere with.

I need more female or straight male friends. Fuck the gays.

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