My Life Not Published

I Got My Answer

What a weekend! I left work at noon and went home to quickly pack, do laundry, etc. It was all a little crazy getting ready. Sophia and Morgan showed up and we went off to Idyllwild. The traffic out there wasn’t too bad so that was good news.

Got there Friday night and we all just hung out, organized gear, etc.

Saturday morning came and we all got up and headed out to Tahquitz to do Sarra Terra. Morgan lead all weekend, I was not in the mental state to do it after the funeral and dealing with all the Morgan issues as well. So we geared up, Morgan, myself and Sophia and started climbing. Did some AMAZING stuff. Got up to the third belay station and it was a hanging station with JUST BARELY enough room for Morgan and myself to stand there very very intimately, so we bailed out there. Sophia was already very tired anyways. We did about 400 feet of climbing though so that was awesome.

Got back to camp just after sunset and made dinner, hung out, chatted, etc.

Sunday we got up and headed to Suicide rock. I got very annoyed to start the day out, everyone was just talking and sitting there doing nothing. I’m all about the hanging out and talking but we are also here to CLIMB. You can CLIMB and talk at the same time. So I stated off on this UBER hard route, only made it to the first anchor and bailed. Then Morgan tried and made it to the second and bailed. We had to leave some gear there, Morgan was very bummed by that.

After that we went over to Weeping wall and did a climb Surprise which was a 5.8. Very fun! 🙂 3 pitches to the top, it was just Morgan and I and we moved along pretty fast. I really enjoyed that. The whole time climbing though at the stations we were very close to each other and every time we met at one I wanted to just grab him, give him a HUGE hug and kiss. UGH! It was very mentally exhausting the whole time just being that close to him and not being able to do that.

Then we made it to the top and sat up there watching the sunset a little bit, the valley, looking at Tahquitz and talking. Again. I JUST WANTED to so badly grab him and kiss him, make out with him up there in that amazing wilderness. UGH! :'(

So we rapped off that, hiked out (got LOOOOST) finally found a road that we could take and found out we were like 2 miles off course from the car. I took that time to bring up the aspect of what happened between us. His answer, “I’m just not ready for anything that serious”. UGH! Fucking A! Always want what you can’t have. BLah blah blah. We ran into some people and they gave us directions back to our car. We walked on a bit and the guy came and picked us up which was UBER nice of him.

That night Sophia, Morgan and I went out to Mexican, we had no idea where the rest of the group was at. It was a good time, but VERY hard for me to put on a happy face during the meal.

Monday morning we all got up again and everyone headed back up to Suicide rock. I again tried to lead climb but my mental status got the best of me and I bailed. Morgan led the rest of that way up, I followed and cleaned the gear out. It sucks because if I had made it 2 more feet up I could have finished it NO problem! UGH! On well.

After that everyone else left and Morgan, Sophia and I went back to Weeping wall to do Serpentine. Another GREAT route. It was very easy up until you got to this crack part that was a little crazy/scary. But we finished it up, then rapped down and met up with Sophia again. Got out of there just at sunset again and got Mexican food at another place. This one wasn’t as good, but we had amazing friend ice cream!

Got done and headed back to LA. Got to my house and Morgan came in for a bit. We finished our talk about what happened. I told him how I felt and how he hurt me, I even cried a little bit, I was REALLY trying to hold that in, but a few slipped out. I tried wiping them away without letting him see it!

Anyways, after we were done talking, I told him that I was going to bed, but he just sat there. I had to tell him a few times to get him to actually get up and leave! Very strange. I really wanted him to fucking stay and cuddle though.

Got up Tuesday and came to work. He IMed me like half way through the day and we setup a thing to go to a meeting that night of the SoCal outdoors/rock climbing group. I found it really random that he wanted to go somewhere together that night after our little chat the night before. Anyways, he picked me up at 6 and the whole evening was a little AWK but still we chatted and I think had a good time. The meeting was interesting and I got a free shirt out of it! That whole group was AWK and not exactly the friendliest people.

Anyways, he dropped me off at my office and there was a little awkness saying good bye, I really got the feeling he wanted me to say/do something? But at the same time, I obviously have been mis-reading him this whole time, so who the fuck knows.

So it’s just friends with us now, although I hope that he will come around and want something more. I’m not going to really wait for anything. I have a meeting tonight with the Mexican he wants to meet at Olive Garden and talk. Very strange. We shall see!

I’m out!

2 replies on “I Got My Answer”

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