My Life Not Published

Breaking up with Myself!

Ugh. So the last week has been ungodly emotional and horrible for me.

I’ve basically broken up with myself over Morgan, I fell so hard for him, so fast, so much. And then he just leaves and breaks all that down and leaves me in the dust to basically break up with myself.

Ever since we got back from Robber’s he’s been acting really weird, not returning phone calls, txts, etc. I was used to him being REALLY slow at returning txts, but at least he would return them. Now he won’t return shit.

Over the weekend he was in Michigan, I called Saturday night because I really needed to find out if there was any way to get his gear from him. He didn’t answer and of course never called back. Sunday his sister posted a vague post on facebook about him being in a hospital. I of course assumed that meant he was actually IN the hospital, so I txted him and no reply. He txted me AS he was getting on the plane that he was headed back to LA.

Then nothing at ALL on Monday, I woke up about 3am and stupidly txted him then asking what his deal was. Tuesday at like 4:30 he got online and we chatted for about 10 minutes he was being really vague and annoying. But he initiated that convo. So I got home and was hoping he’d still be online, but of course he wasn’t.

Wed he was only for a while and we chatted for a bit, this was a more productive communications, but still annoying. I had to run because David got to my house, I had sent him like 5 messages about going to rock climbing gyms, etc and then said. “I have to run, let me know if you’re coming sunday… have a good night”. You’d think he would at least reply to something, but NO reply at all. Very annoying.

Then today he was online for all morning, but I wasn’t even my office. When I got back he was gone and he hasn’t been online again. Ugh.

So basically I have broken up with myself over him. I’m not going to play this game. Fuck You, It’s over…

I really wanted something to happen with this and him. Now I’m just heart broken over a relationship that never even happened. And I’m going to end up an old, bitter gay man, begging lesbians to have sex with me.

Fuck it. I hate this shit! Why on earth can people like Jason have boyfriends for so long, when he doesn’t even fucking ACKNOWLEDGE that they are in a relationship, he just uses them. FUCK it. I’m a great guy, I’m nice, I have a ton of things going on for me and to the benefit of someone else (especially someone like Morgan) and yet I can’t fucking keep a guy around.

Fuck it, Nice guys do always finish last.

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