My Life

Go Now…

So last night was VERY VERY scary… I got online to talk to Andrew and he said that it hurt when he went pee. We talked for a while about what it could be.

Eventually we decided that he should go to the doctor tomorrow before we went to KC. By that time it was late and I was very upset because my baby was in pain, and it was just very scary. So I got off line to finish packing and cleaning my apartment for tomorrow.

I decided that I really didn’t want to do it right then, so I went and showered… And as he did, I cried while showering and shaving. And it really is hard to shave and cry at the same time, the tears just keep washing away the shaving cream.

About 9:30 or so I was done with all that, and started packing. That’s when Andrew called and he was crying and could hardly talk. He said that he was going to go first thing in the morning. But I told him that if he was in that much pain that he should go to the hospital that night. I offered to come down, because I really wanted to be with him through this. But he said no, and that he’d just get John to go with him.

So I spent the night laying on my couch, with my blanket worrying about Andrew and hoping that he was alright… He called me at practically every step of the way, which was nice. I was releived to hear from him each time.

I must have fallen asleep in there somewhere, because I don’t know what time the finally called to tell me what he had, but I was very happy to hear that it wasn’t anything super serious. And that he’ll be over it in a little while. Though it is still very sad that he’s got an infection.

I spent the rest of the night on my couch, and eventually feel asleep. I woke up early this morning and have been going ever since, just trying to keep myself busy.

I can’t wait to get to see him though, and give him a big hug.

This weekend will be very nice to just get to spend it together. I’m really really looking forward to it!

Last night was also very scary because of a lot of other things, but those were written about in a private update… Though I don’t really know why.

My Life

Aug 24, 2001

Aug 24, [Me First And The Gimme Gimmes, "I Would Walk 500 Miles"]

So tonight has just really fucking sucked. I went over to Adam’s and we

did the whole hair cut thing and then we went out to supper and we had fun.

About 7 we went over to Angie’s. It was me, Adam, Xak, and Angie. We were

all going to go downstairs and watch a movie, talk and that such stuff and

get things out that needed to be said before she left so that we would all

leave on a good note. Well her PU’s decided that they wanted to watch it

with us, so we all had to stay upstairs and watch it, which meant no talking

about things, no cuddling, no nothing. It sucked ass. Then as soon as the

movie was done, Angie’s mom thought that Angie needed to go to bed so that

she’d be ready to go in the morning. So we pretty much got kicked out of

there at 10. That really sucked cause we didn’t get a chance to say goodbye

like we all wanted too, we didn’t get the chance to talk after the movie,

nothing. I *_HATE_* Angie’s mom. Grrr. So we were saying bye at the door,

and Angie and I were hugging and I just starting crying, I couldn’t hold

them back any longer. I’d been holding them back for a while now, but I

just couldn’t hold them anymore.

Adam and I then left to go to downtown, well we stopped into Hy-Vee first

and Kenny G talked to Adam about something, apparently Kenny found Adam’s

website, which isn’t good. But whatever. We were there for a while and talked

to random people. Then we left and were going downtown, well tonight’s been

one of those foggy hazy type nights and you can’t see the top of 801 Grand,

all you could see was the light blinking in the coulds. Well Adam pointed

that out and that brought a story to my mind about one of my Great Grandma’s

and how when she was in the hospital along time ago when they were building

that, and one night I was in her room and it was like it is tonight and

she pointed it out and said, "Look, that’s the Angels coming to get

me." I couldn’t even get the whole story out before I broke into a

full bawling. I was like, omg what’s happened to me, I don’t cry. I don’t

let people see my cry. But I just couldn’t hold it back anymore, I just

couldn’t. Tonight’s sucked

We went to Java Joe’s. I met that Ryan guy and I got a hug, that was nice.

We also talked to some Ben guy. He’s damn hot. But apparently Str8. I say

other wise. Adam, Tara, and I walked around downtown for a while and talked.

I felt better which is good. Hopefully tomorrow won’t be as bad, but I know

it will be. I’m going to go do some more packing now cause well, I think

I’m going to move up tomorrow (errr, today now) but I’m not sure yet.

My Life

May 21, 2001

may 21, #2 [foreigner, "hot blooded"] hmm, that songs kinda an

odd thing to come up just as i was starting this, lol. i just got done talking

to this really cool guy (hope he doesn’t

mind his pic being there, lol, if he does just talk to me, i’ll take it down.)

that’s from isu, to bad he’s in nm for the summer, but he’s pretty cool. ya

know it’s kinda weird how people just relaly open up to each other when they

talk on here. sometimes i talk to people about things that i would never talk

to them about in person. lol. i also sent my couisn a big old long e-mail

about what’s going on in my life, here it is, cause it’s just easier to copy

and paste then to summerize: ahhhhhhhh, i just want to

shoot my parents right now. i really do. they are driving me crazy, today

we got the phone bill from my dorm room. it was $85. my dad’s all pissed off

about it and he says that he told me not to talk so long when he got the $40

bill. but he never said anything about it. he’s now saying that i have to

pay this bill, which i think is unfair cause, 1) they never gave me any limits

to the phone bills, 2) they said they would pay the phone bills. i mean comon,

i DON’T have that kind of money, right now i have like 20 in my account, they

are being such assholes. they really are, ever since i got home all he’s done

is yell at me about shit, little fucking things too. i’m getting really sick

of it. i mean i worked my ass off durning high school, by the time i was andy’s

age i was working 30 hours a week, and how many hours is andy working? none.

how much does he get to go out? when ever he wants. it’s realy damn unfair.

i had to pay for like everything when i was in hs and they just give him what

ever he wants. and you know when they moved me out of my room and let him

in it, that just really pissed me off. i don’t care if i’m not home anymore,

it’s still _MY_ room. they lost alot of my stuff when they moved it too. plus

they’ve been yelling at me lately for going into andys room and taking my

stuff back, but how often do they yell at him for stealing it from me? NEVER.

one of these days i’m just going to fucking blow and start screaming at them.

damnit. i really am. or i might just call you from philly sometime. i’ve been

thinking about telling my mom about me. i mean i think that would take alot

of the tension out of here. i really do. but i mean, if they are going to

be such assholes about a damn phone bill what are they going to do if i tell

them it’s my bf that i’ve been calling? i can’t stand to live in this house

much longer. i really can’t. it’s just ripping me apart from the inside and

now getting ready to leave for work is just piling more shit on top of it.

and ya know they are just such damn pigs, it really annoys me. and my brother,

everything with him is just perfect. but with me. grr. like you know, if he

gets a damn D it’s “GOOD job andy” and shit like that, but we got my final

grades today from DSU, i got all B’s and do yohink they even said anything

to me about them, nope, not a damn word. not a goddamn fucking word. that

really pisses me off. and also like my b-day, what did they do for that? they

sent me a bunch of crap, it was all crap. they don’t give a fuck, they really

don’t. i’m surpriced they’re still paying for college, they haven’t found

a way to cut me out of that yet. another thing, i went and got contacts, they

cost about the same as a piar of glasses, cause they were on sale, but do

you think they’ll reimburse me for it? nope. cause they’re contacts, not glasses?what’s teh difference? i don’t really know. they bought andy new glasses,

my dad got new glasses, but i can’t get new contacts? hmm, it appears not.

so now i have to find a way to pay for those too. i hvae no money left, none

at all. they were supposed to have paid for a bunch of shit that i’m now having

to pay, so i’m left with nothing to spend. i’m sure they’ll find some way

for me to have to spend all my money i make at camp too, they’ll probobly

tell me that i have to pay for my apartment or something. i dunno. it’s really

pissing me off. damnit. ok i guess i’ve bitched enough, i’ll talk to you laters.

and here’s her respnce, again it’s easier to copy and paste then it

is to summerize:So it’s not a sunshiny day then? You can

call anytime-call collect if you need to-I have no life-I’m always home. You

can also come out here anytime-you don’t have to plan it out for weeks-just

call and say I’m on the way. I know that won’t be feasible 99% of the time

but if it ever is you’re always welcome. Are you coming back this weekend

for GG’s party? Hope so. It’s hard enough living with your parents but after

having 9 months away from them probably makes it even harder. When I came

back from boot camp my mom and I fought all the time. She still wanted to

treat me like I was in HS and I didn’t want anything to do with it. My mom

doesn’t even reach near the irritation factor your PU’s do though so I can

only imagine. I don’t know what it is with your parents and your brother but

it’s really bizarre-even grandma’s said stuff about it before and you know

how clueless she is! Why did they have to move your room-it’s not like your

room is obscenely bigger or different or anything. Andy just has to have everything-God

forbid he doesn’t get his way. The twisted thing is he’s the one who needs

to be yelled at-I mean come on have they looked at him lately-he acts like

he’s 8. Ok and about college-I have 3rd hand gossip that my mom heard from

grandma-so I’m repeating it but I don’t know how warped it’s gotten in the

process. My mom said grandma mentioned talking to your dad and him saying

you might have to pay for part of your college b/c they couldn’t afford it.

(again-this is second hand gossip) But if it’s true that’s just crap-I mean

come on-with as much money as your parents make if they haven’t been saving

for your education they’re just fucking stupid (your parents compel me to

use that word) Andy needs a reality check-I’ve never known anyone so materialistic

in my life, it’s insane. My mother would have killed me if I’d acted like

that. Your PU’s would have killed you for acting like that-yet he gets away

with it! GRRRR! I don’t want to sound like a pep talk here b/c those are just

damned annoying, but hang in there man. Soon you won’t have to be around them

night and day. (of course you get to spend the whole summer in the closet

so it’s a small consolation but go with it, cling to the hope) I know that

doesn’t get you through right now though. Your parents are probably sitting

around hoping maybe you just forgot about that little gay thing. That would

be like them, state of denial. Christopher can’t be gay-then our family won’t

be perfect. They missed the All-American family mark when Andy came out a

boy so that’s shot anyway. They are giant looooosers. If I didn’t have to

see them all the time I would have told them off years ago. I came really

close at Thanksgiving last year when I got that whole “bad influence” shit

again. It’s amazing especially seeing Andy) that two people that screwed up

ever produced som! eone as normal and sane as you. I thing you were switched

at the hospital and there baby went home with some one else. Nice fantasy

huh?! Don’t kill them between now and the next time we e. Try to have a little

fun! i have such a cool cousin, i wish the rest of the family was like

that. but ya know if my pu’s make me pay for college i’m going to be really

fucking pissed, like she said, with as much as they make if they haven’t been

saving for my college they’re just stupid. and plus it’s thier own damn fault

we didn’t get any financial aide. they didn’t fill out the forms and they

wouldn’t tell me what i needed to know to fill them out myself, so yeah fuck

them. bastards. i really can’t wait for camp toi start, but at the same time,

i don’t want to go.