Andrew’s Coming Up!

So today’s really beautiful out, supposed to be in the 80’s again. Nice nice weather. I’m really liking this.

Not going to work because Andrew’s coming up. I can’t wait to see him. It’s like those feelings that I used to have for Adam. I really like him, but I just don’t know what I want right now. I mean, I JUST got out of a relationship, should I really be getting back into one so soon. Also with him moving, and his obsession about getting 100% of guys, etc. What’s the use. But at the same time, I want to have that with him…. So confusing.

The plan for today is for him to get here about 1:00 and then off to somewhere to eat. I was thinking Great Plains, or somewhere in the MU or campus town. Then come to campus, hang out on the Central Campus (Between Beardsher, and Curtis) and talk about it all. He complained the other day that I don’t tell him enough of what I’m thinking, and feeling. Also hopefully they’ll be some making out on Central Campus. I’d really like that. Two cute gay bois on campus making out. How cute.

He has to leave about 5ish to get back to DM to meet some other girl, dunno what I’ll do after that. I’m sure I’ll find something…

Laters.

Adam Being STUPID!

15:09:01 AcerSai: You there?

15:09:01 pischkoa: I’m currently in the office but I am busy. Talk to you laters.

15:10:03 AcerSai: GUess not…

15:13:56 AcerSai: Well at any rate I’d like to talk to you for at least a little bit.

15:14:13 AcerSai: If you want to talk to me, IM me or call me. I’d really appreciate it.

15:14:13 pischkoa: I’m currently in the office but I am busy. Talk to you laters.

15:14:20 AcerSai: If not I I’ll understand.

15:14:27 AcerSai: Or do my best to anyway.

16:10:01 AcerSai: Please respond so I know you don’t hate me…

16:10:01 pischkoa: I’m currently in the office but I am busy. Talk to you laters.

16:10:25 AcerSai: PLease…

16:12:10 AcerSai: I’m really scared right now Chris. I need to know you’re there. I need to know you care.

The Aftermath

So Friday after it happen, I called Adam cause he just signed off with “I HATE YOU.” We talked forever, and it was bad, he cried, he yelled. I was fine. I’ve delt with it already, before it happened, so that’s why I’m so fine. He had to go to work though, so he left. I stayed here and watched TV until about 7. Andrew called sometime in there and told me that Adam had left him a really nasty message. We talked for a bit about it.

I went home about 7ish, and hung out there watching TV. Adam called again about 8:30ish or so, and we talked forever again. More crying, more everything. Again bad times. I don’t really know what to say to him cause I mean, I don’t think that I’m really the person that he should be talking to about it. I’ve done everything that I can to help him out with it. There’s only so much I and Andrew can do. He really needs to talk to someone else. Hopefully once his mom gets home tonight, and once school starts again he’ll get better.

After that I just stayed up tell about midnight and watched tv some more. I talked to Andrew a few times throughout the night as well.

Saturday morning I got up and Adam called, he wanted to come over and talk, so I let him. I really didn’t want to cause I knew he was just going to cry and say more of the same stuff that he had said the night before. I also knew that he was going to grill me some more on my relationship with Andrew and how far it’s gone.

And he did.

He stayed for about an hour, I didn’t think he’d EVER leave that was probably the LONGEST hour in my life! He talked and talked and talked and the whole time all I could think was. I just wish that he’d leave and get over it. There’s nothing that I can do!

He left and I hung out some more waiting for Andrew to call so we could do stuff. My phone FINALLY rang, but it wasn’t Andrew, it was Adam. He wanted me to come over, saying that he was WAY better then he had been. So I reluctantly went over there.

We hung out and thankfully I kept myself busy with his new Emac. Andrew called and came over after that. We scanned in a hot boi pic and then went to target where we shopped until about 5. After that we split up, Andrew and I off to do what we were going to do and Adam off to wait for Scott so they could do stuff.

Andrew and I did a TON of stuff and I had the most fun I’ve had in a LONG LONG time. It was so nice to just hang out, him and me. We became much closer last night I think. We went to MHM first and shopped and walked around.

Off topic real quick, on Friday Andrew said that he had had a REALLY bad day. Saturday he wouldn’t tell me, but I drug it out of him. His family is moving back to NJ in August. August 1 actually. I’m WAY more upset about that then I am about breaking up with Adam, and he’s clearly VERY upset too. Because when they do move back to NJ that means that he won’t be coming back here for Christmas, or the summer, so very very saddening. It does however add a more urgent feeling to what I want between us, that I’d like to try a relationship with him.

Anyways, after MHM we went to Perkins where EVERYONE was so rude and HORRIBLE and we hated everyone there. Our waiter was soooooo stupid. It was horrilbe.

After that we went to his house, got some movies, talked some and looked through his room and stuff. Good times. From there back to my house to watch the movie, it was sooooo funny. Although not a movie I’d want to sit through again. After the movie we sat, talked, wrestled, and watched the Proud Family and Sister, Sister. Our new Saturday night ritual.

I drove him back to Adam’s about 12:30 or so.

This morning Adam called me, about 8:30 crying again. He grilled me about what happened with Andrew last night. Did he spend the night? Did we kiss goodnight? Did we do anything? What’d we do all night? What time did he go home?

It was like 20 minutes of questions. I was like. GET OVER IT, you have NO control over me now, stop it. I can do what I want, you don’t own this ass anymore.

Speaking of that, cause as I was writing it was saying it in my head in a ghetto vioce. I was ghetto this weekend and it was SOOOO funny. And when we were going to Andrew’s house, I was lost and we saw this sign that said “We <3 our children.” And I was going like 40 miles an hour and doing random Uie’s. So great! I really had the best time, I so enjoy hanging out with Andrew now.

Anyways, he finally let me go cause Andrew called him. I guess he went and talked to Andrew for like an hour. I called him (Andrew) about 10:45 or so to tell him what the plans were for the day, he was STILL on the phone with Adam, but got off to come talk to me. (Well actually Adam had said that he was going to let Andrew go). Apparently when Andrew told Adam that I was on the other phone, he started crying more. Eh. Anyways I told Andrew what the plans were and then hung up. Like 20 mintes after that, Adam called me AGAIN! And he was like “Sorry I keep calling you blah blah blah.” I just wanted to be like, SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

He finally hung up like 30 minutes later. Andrew showed up at my house about 12ish so that we had some time to talk before Beak got there. She got there about 12:30 and we were all off to have lunch. It was tons of fun. Went to I-Hop and I paid for Andrew’s lunch cause he was bitching that he had “PAID” for supper the night before. (I GAVE HIM THE $5 THAT MY MEAL COST)!!

From there it was off to VWM. Good times there like always. I had a TON of fun today!

And then back to my house were we all sat on my bed, talking about everything that had happened. More good times even though we were talking about depressing shit. We really didn’t spend much time on that subject though. We talked about alot of RANDOM things.

There was so much sexual tension between Andrew and I though. We wrestled some more, and there were so many times where he was on top of me, or I was on top of him and I just wanted to reach up (or down as the case my be) and kiss him, and tell him that he’s helped me so much through all of this and if it hadn’t been for him I wouldn’t have gotten out of this relationship that was just strangling me. I wanted so bad to tell him how much he means to me, and how sorry I am that I’ve put him in such a bad spot. Especially since I know that everyone’s first reaction so far, and is going to be, that it was him that broke us up. And it wasn’t. I wanted to tell him how sorry I am that he has to lie to Adam for me, and that he has to put up with Adam calling him so much.

As we left we went out side and I hugged Beak bye, and then I hugged Andrew by. I didn’t want to let go of him tonight because he’s helped me so much. The hug broke, and then I hugged him again for his PU’s being assholes. Then we realized Beak was still there making funny faces, so we made fun of her, and she left. Then he said something about not seeing us for 2 weeks, and I hugged him again. I’m going to really miss him over the next two weeks. I really am.

I also don’t know what the HELL I’m going to do next weekend, or the weekend after that. I mean, I don’t want to hang out with Adam by myself because I know that he’s just going to cry and everything. Adam still wants to have sleep overs, me and him, and, me, him and Andrew. We all know that’s NOT at all a good idea. You just don’t do that.

Anyways, even with all the drama, I had a TON of fun this weekend. Thank you Andrew, Thank you Beak… But mostly. THANK YOU ANDREW. I don’t know what I’d do without you there.

With Love,

Cj B

The Message

AcerSai: Are you there?

RnBowBoi2004: I just IMed you.

RnBowBoi2004: How do you spell satalites?

AcerSai: No you didn’t.

AcerSai: satilites

AcerSai: What are you doing?

RnBowBoi2004: Spell checking a paper.

RnBowBoi2004: Apparently I forgot to install the spellchecker in Linux.

AcerSai: oh

AcerSai: so what’s your issue?

RnBowBoi2004: I don’t have an issue.

AcerSai: I think you do.

AcerSai: I think something’s up and I want to know what’s going on.

RnBowBoi2004: There’s nothing.

AcerSai: Well then why are you acting like you have ben?

AcerSai: I’ve had a long week and every day I’ve looked forawrd to the weekend when I culd see you. You act like you could care less.

AcerSai: You havn’t talk to me all week, unless for the most part you were responding to something I say.

AcerSai: You say you don’t want to stay with me and you don’t want me to stay wth you, even though we always do that.

AcerSai: If you don’t want to do something with me say so. What’s going on?

AcerSai: I feel really unimportant to you right now.

RnBowBoi2004: We’ll talk about it later.

AcerSai: Talk about what?

RnBowBoi2004: About what you just asked about.

RnBowBoi2004: That’s what.

AcerSai: No I won’t function tonight.

AcerSai: Now I know there’s something and I’m already near tears.

AcerSai: I’m calling you.

RnBowBoi2004: Fine… You really want to know what’s going on.

RnBowBoi2004: You asked for it, I wanted to talk about it tonight.

RnBowBoi2004: Dear Adam,

As I’ve been reading though my old journal entries lately, and remember all the good times that we’ve had together. I’ve been thinking about us and where I want to go in our relationship. It’s brought a lot of issues to my mind, some good, some bad. But in the end I have to make a decision about where I want us to go. I’ve spent a large part of the last couple weeks thinking of just that, and I’ve come to my conclusion. I’m sorry Adam, but I think it’s time that we ended our relationship.

RnBowBoi2004: I’m sorry to have to do it. But after reading through everything that we’ve done, it’s made me realize that I don’t feel the same way I used to. I’ve changed, you’ve changed, we’ve changed. You’ve grown closer, and I farther, and I know that now it’s time to move on. I really enjoyed our 16 months together, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. You’ve helped me grow as a person, and I hope that I’ve helped you grow too.

RnBowBoi2004: I’m sorry, I’d like to still try and be friends. I’d like to keep the three of us (Andrew, you and me) as a group. If you want to talk, I’m here to talk to, Andrew’s here to talk too, Scott’s here to talk to.

With Love,

Chris

AcerSai: Why

AcerSai: I HAte you!

The Ball Drops

So, the ball just dropped, and I’m sitting here wondering if I’ve done the right thing. He’s so upset about it all, I can’t handle it.

I’m so sorry that it had to end like this. I really am.

I still love you Adam, as a friend now, and I’d like to still hand out with you when we can get the chance to.

With Love,

Cj B