Category: Not Published

Major Annoyances

So there have been some major annoyances lately on both my part and Andrews part, and it’s made me very sad. :'( And also very very annoyed all at the same time.

I guess we’ll start with today, we talked for a bit, then he went to Brunch.

My little client thing can’t tell when people have away messages up or not, so after a while. I IMed me again, just to say hi and that I had 14 pages done. I figured he was still at brunch since he hadn’t IMed me when he got back.

Well I sat there, and never got an auto-responce, but eventually he DID IM me back. This really annoyed me, for some stupid reason. I guess mostly because he was there, without an away message up, which I would assume means he’s talking to someone else, but he never IMed me to say. “Hey, I’m back from brunch, going to work on my paper now, but just wanted to say HI” or something like that. It just REALLY annoyed me.

Then of course since he didn’t understand why I was upset, he got all upset with me, and didn’t even try and understand it, which really upset me even more, because when I do something stupid that he finds upsetting. I always ask him what’s wrong, and try to understand where he’s coming from and appolize for doing it. And then try and CHANGE what I did wrong.

His responce to my being annoyed… “Fine then be annoyed” or something along those lines. Didn’t even fucking try and talk to me about it. And that just hurt.

So we got into it, and I got even more annoyed. Finally I beleive that it ended. Though it really didn’t, at least not for me.

I left to calm down a bit. Went all the way to the basement and back. Came back. Talked to him for a little bit, but was still fairly annoyed and I didn’t want to annoy him by talking too much.

So we came to a point and I went back to work. Then I IMed him for something again and get an away message. so I’m like, “GREAT THANKS FOR SAYING BYE”

That just annoyed me EVEN MORE!

And then just now, he comes back and says, “Don’t give me attidute.” Don’t you give me attidute. Jeusus Christ! What the hell do I fucking do here.

I’m so annoyed with him right now. He just never wants to accept when he does something that bothers me and it’s always my fault when I get upset. But when he gets upset at something that I do, it’s ALSO my fault!

When is it NOT my fault?

And then the whole thing with the trip next weekend, it’s going to cost me like $60 to go out there and get him, $21 ($42 if I pay for both) for the tickets to the aquarium, at least 3 for parking at the airport, $8 for parking at the aquarium, eating out in Chicago is going to be like $15 for breakfast, then eating out Friday night when we get back to Ames is another $15, plus the costs of the food that I bought for the rest of the weekend, which is like $20, plus movie costs for The Matrix, then Science Center costs, it all adds up really quickly. And now that he’s only paying for like $30 of his plane ticket, I went back on my word and asked him to pay for some more of the stuff that we do here in Ames. And he got really annoyed with me about that.

Yes, I do feel bad about having to ask him to pay for stuff, but you know what. I made that deal when he was going to have to pay for MOST if not ALL of his plane ticket out here… Now that he’s only paying for $30 of it, I feel it only FAIR if he have to pay for some more stuff while he’s here.

So after a bit of him being very annoyed about it, he finally reluctantly agreed to help pay for some of the stuff while he’s here. But he said, “I’m not going to offer to pay for anything.” Well thanks a lot.

I’m just REALLY ANNOYED with everything that’s happening lately. Every fucking time we talk, there’s an argument about something, and it’s always my fault. I’m fucking sick of it.

You know, I’ve really been looking forward to seeing him again this weekend, but as it draws nearer and nearer, it seems like we’re going to spend the whole time fighting about something. Because that seems to be the only thing we do anymore, and it hurts so much.

I don’t want this to happen. I’ve already been here before, and I like Andrew too much to have that happen again. This isn’t like before, because I actually like him, I like him a lot. But I just really need him to actually SEE where I’m coming from for once, and admit that he’s wrong and actually apoligize and mean it.

And actually say that he’s going to change something and mean it. There are so many things that he’s asked me to change, just little things.

Like saying that he’s going to make out with people while he’s out there, to just the most recent of downlplaying the amount of work that he has to do. And I always make a concious attempt to change to make him happy. Well I’m asking him to change and undetstand where I’m coming from, and not make everything an argument, and not make everything MY fault.

I really hope that things get better before this weekend. I really want to call him right now and just get it all laid out there, and find out what the hell the problem is. I just want it all to be solved and I want to know for a fact that he still loves me. I want to know that he still cares for me, and that things will be fine.

Most of all, I want to know that he’s going to change to make me happy, the same way that I’ve changed to make him happy.

Worried

I’m a bit worried as of lately about Andrew….

He seems to be consistently sad/mad at me and he won’t talk to me about it.

He says he doesn’t know what’s wrong, as I can understand, you usually don’t know. But he won’t talk to me.

And he says, “We’ll talk about it later.” As I’ve learned from past relationships, you take that as, “We’ll talk about it later” cause it’s usually bad news.

So I’m worried now. I think I’ll stay up late and call him and try and talk to him about it all. We eneded with yet another little spat tonight. Even though all I did was call him and try and talk to him about his day. I’m getting very discouraged by all this lately. The little spats. It’s very sad.

:'(

I hope things smooth out quickly.

Much Love Drew Bear.

Don’t Know What To Do…

So I’m a little bit upset right now. Not mad upset, but upset… Scared.

Andrew’s been getting mad at me for a lot of little things lately. And I don’t know what’s causing it. He won’t talk to me about it. The other day he got mad at me because he said online that he was sad. And I didn’t call him. Now, I can kind of understand. I mean, yeah it would have been nice of me to call him.

But in the other hand, I’m sad too. And I cry a lot because he’s not here, and I worry a lot about if he’s coming here or not, and lots of other things.

I mean like last night I was up all night, literally all night. Just thinking about how sweet he is because he flew all the way here. I laid in bed, crying and thinking about it. I couldn’t sleep, because everytime I rolled over, I just wanted him there. When I realized he wasn’t, I cried some more.

Well anyways, tonight upset me. I got back online, to talk to him this evening and asked him about the meeting thing that he had. Tried talking to him about it, and he was just short with me about it. And everything else. It was just fairly annoying. Then he went off to supper and came back. Left me a message that just said “Crazy”.

So when I get back I played around with him. Just as I would have any other time. And apparently he got really annoyed with it. And from then on he was just really short with me about everything.

And I kept trying to talk to him and stuff, and he was short. Then he tells me that I frustrate him, which just hurt me, and it was downhill from there.

It was all just very upsetting because all I did was try and talk to him about how his day was and joke around with him some. I just don’t understand how he could get so annoyed with me about such a little thing.

I’m just scared as to what’s happening. I mean I don’t think anything bad is happening. I feel as though we’re both happy… Well as happy as we can be together when we’re half way across the country from each other.

I just wish he would talk to me about what’s going on. And more importantly, I wish there were something MORE that I could do then just say, “It’s going to be alright”. But there’s really nothing that I can do from clear out here. And that’s the most annoying thing of all.

Another thing that I’ve been meaning to write an update about is that the other day he talked about living together next year, and asked me how I would feel. I was very uncomfortable with the converstaion. Because it was too much like Adam and I. And I just wasn’t ready to talk about it. He got a bit annoyed with me when I tried to change the subject. But I think I explained to him enough that I didn’t currently know how I would feel.

It’ll be good to have him here over Christmas to live together and see how that goes. I am looking forward to that. As well as hopefully the summer. That will also be exciting. Though I am a bit scared that we may get on each others nerves a bit much. So we’ll have to plan some time each week alone. But it’ll be a good summer, and i’m really looking forward to it and christmas break.

What I’m looking forward to most though is if he’s going to come out over Nov 14th or not. I’d really like to know now, or as soon as he figures it out himself. But he wants to wait and tell me. So at least kinda surprise me. We’ll see how well that works out.

Anyways. The point is that I wish he would talk to me about what’s annoying him so much lately. And why he keeps getting mad at me. It really hurts when he does. And it just makes me sad. :'(

I miss you baby drew bear. And Love you lots,

Topher Man.