So there have been some major annoyances lately on both my part and Andrews part, and it’s made me very sad. :'( And also very very annoyed all at the same time.
I guess we’ll start with today, we talked for a bit, then he went to Brunch.
My little client thing can’t tell when people have away messages up or not, so after a while. I IMed me again, just to say hi and that I had 14 pages done. I figured he was still at brunch since he hadn’t IMed me when he got back.
Well I sat there, and never got an auto-responce, but eventually he DID IM me back. This really annoyed me, for some stupid reason. I guess mostly because he was there, without an away message up, which I would assume means he’s talking to someone else, but he never IMed me to say. “Hey, I’m back from brunch, going to work on my paper now, but just wanted to say HI” or something like that. It just REALLY annoyed me.
Then of course since he didn’t understand why I was upset, he got all upset with me, and didn’t even try and understand it, which really upset me even more, because when I do something stupid that he finds upsetting. I always ask him what’s wrong, and try to understand where he’s coming from and appolize for doing it. And then try and CHANGE what I did wrong.
His responce to my being annoyed… “Fine then be annoyed” or something along those lines. Didn’t even fucking try and talk to me about it. And that just hurt.
So we got into it, and I got even more annoyed. Finally I beleive that it ended. Though it really didn’t, at least not for me.
I left to calm down a bit. Went all the way to the basement and back. Came back. Talked to him for a little bit, but was still fairly annoyed and I didn’t want to annoy him by talking too much.
So we came to a point and I went back to work. Then I IMed him for something again and get an away message. so I’m like, “GREAT THANKS FOR SAYING BYE”
That just annoyed me EVEN MORE!
And then just now, he comes back and says, “Don’t give me attidute.” Don’t you give me attidute. Jeusus Christ! What the hell do I fucking do here.
I’m so annoyed with him right now. He just never wants to accept when he does something that bothers me and it’s always my fault when I get upset. But when he gets upset at something that I do, it’s ALSO my fault!
When is it NOT my fault?
And then the whole thing with the trip next weekend, it’s going to cost me like $60 to go out there and get him, $21 ($42 if I pay for both) for the tickets to the aquarium, at least 3 for parking at the airport, $8 for parking at the aquarium, eating out in Chicago is going to be like $15 for breakfast, then eating out Friday night when we get back to Ames is another $15, plus the costs of the food that I bought for the rest of the weekend, which is like $20, plus movie costs for The Matrix, then Science Center costs, it all adds up really quickly. And now that he’s only paying for like $30 of his plane ticket, I went back on my word and asked him to pay for some more of the stuff that we do here in Ames. And he got really annoyed with me about that.
Yes, I do feel bad about having to ask him to pay for stuff, but you know what. I made that deal when he was going to have to pay for MOST if not ALL of his plane ticket out here… Now that he’s only paying for $30 of it, I feel it only FAIR if he have to pay for some more stuff while he’s here.
So after a bit of him being very annoyed about it, he finally reluctantly agreed to help pay for some of the stuff while he’s here. But he said, “I’m not going to offer to pay for anything.” Well thanks a lot.
I’m just REALLY ANNOYED with everything that’s happening lately. Every fucking time we talk, there’s an argument about something, and it’s always my fault. I’m fucking sick of it.
You know, I’ve really been looking forward to seeing him again this weekend, but as it draws nearer and nearer, it seems like we’re going to spend the whole time fighting about something. Because that seems to be the only thing we do anymore, and it hurts so much.
I don’t want this to happen. I’ve already been here before, and I like Andrew too much to have that happen again. This isn’t like before, because I actually like him, I like him a lot. But I just really need him to actually SEE where I’m coming from for once, and admit that he’s wrong and actually apoligize and mean it.
And actually say that he’s going to change something and mean it. There are so many things that he’s asked me to change, just little things.
Like saying that he’s going to make out with people while he’s out there, to just the most recent of downlplaying the amount of work that he has to do. And I always make a concious attempt to change to make him happy. Well I’m asking him to change and undetstand where I’m coming from, and not make everything an argument, and not make everything MY fault.
I really hope that things get better before this weekend. I really want to call him right now and just get it all laid out there, and find out what the hell the problem is. I just want it all to be solved and I want to know for a fact that he still loves me. I want to know that he still cares for me, and that things will be fine.
Most of all, I want to know that he’s going to change to make me happy, the same way that I’ve changed to make him happy.