Don’t Know What To Do…

So I’m a little bit upset right now. Not mad upset, but upset… Scared.

Andrew’s been getting mad at me for a lot of little things lately. And I don’t know what’s causing it. He won’t talk to me about it. The other day he got mad at me because he said online that he was sad. And I didn’t call him. Now, I can kind of understand. I mean, yeah it would have been nice of me to call him.

But in the other hand, I’m sad too. And I cry a lot because he’s not here, and I worry a lot about if he’s coming here or not, and lots of other things.

I mean like last night I was up all night, literally all night. Just thinking about how sweet he is because he flew all the way here. I laid in bed, crying and thinking about it. I couldn’t sleep, because everytime I rolled over, I just wanted him there. When I realized he wasn’t, I cried some more.

Well anyways, tonight upset me. I got back online, to talk to him this evening and asked him about the meeting thing that he had. Tried talking to him about it, and he was just short with me about it. And everything else. It was just fairly annoying. Then he went off to supper and came back. Left me a message that just said “Crazy”.

So when I get back I played around with him. Just as I would have any other time. And apparently he got really annoyed with it. And from then on he was just really short with me about everything.

And I kept trying to talk to him and stuff, and he was short. Then he tells me that I frustrate him, which just hurt me, and it was downhill from there.

It was all just very upsetting because all I did was try and talk to him about how his day was and joke around with him some. I just don’t understand how he could get so annoyed with me about such a little thing.

I’m just scared as to what’s happening. I mean I don’t think anything bad is happening. I feel as though we’re both happy… Well as happy as we can be together when we’re half way across the country from each other.

I just wish he would talk to me about what’s going on. And more importantly, I wish there were something MORE that I could do then just say, “It’s going to be alright”. But there’s really nothing that I can do from clear out here. And that’s the most annoying thing of all.

Another thing that I’ve been meaning to write an update about is that the other day he talked about living together next year, and asked me how I would feel. I was very uncomfortable with the converstaion. Because it was too much like Adam and I. And I just wasn’t ready to talk about it. He got a bit annoyed with me when I tried to change the subject. But I think I explained to him enough that I didn’t currently know how I would feel.

It’ll be good to have him here over Christmas to live together and see how that goes. I am looking forward to that. As well as hopefully the summer. That will also be exciting. Though I am a bit scared that we may get on each others nerves a bit much. So we’ll have to plan some time each week alone. But it’ll be a good summer, and i’m really looking forward to it and christmas break.

What I’m looking forward to most though is if he’s going to come out over Nov 14th or not. I’d really like to know now, or as soon as he figures it out himself. But he wants to wait and tell me. So at least kinda surprise me. We’ll see how well that works out.

Anyways. The point is that I wish he would talk to me about what’s annoying him so much lately. And why he keeps getting mad at me. It really hurts when he does. And it just makes me sad. :'(

I miss you baby drew bear. And Love you lots,

Topher Man.