Category: My Life

Well not much has really happened here in the last couple days. I still don’t have a working website, I’m going to e-mail them again here today. I guess Adam and family are looking at a new house. That’s goood news, it’ll be really cool if Adam gets the room that he wants. And I’ll be jeleous as hell cause I wanted the same things and never got it, of course they wait until after I move out to finish the basement. Bastard parents. Oh well. It’ll be cool for him.

I’m also thinking about moving a few things, not me though, I was thinking about dumping the webservers that I have and hosting my own. Then I could host some other people as well. So that would be cool. I’m also thinking about moving over to Suse 7.3 Pro from Suse 7.3 Personal. Not much difference, but I’ve found that there’s some annoyances when compiling things. I’m also looking at moving over to Moveable Type, Julian introduced me to it, and I’ve been looking at it some. I haven’t really had time to play with it a great deal, but I did get it installed on my computer, and that was a project in itself. lol.

The problem though with my own webserver, would be where the hell to host it. I could host it in the dorms during the year, and then possibly at Krell during the summer, but then every May and August, I’d have that 3 day down time, which would be annoying. But that’s not that bad. I’d also have to find another system to host it on, cause I wouldn’t want to use my personal system, or my backup system. So yeah, I figure I might be able to talk my mom into letting me have Andy’s computer, since he never fucking uses it, but I doubt she’d let me do that. So if anyone out there has an old computer, with at least a 500 Mhz+ Processor and 15 Gig + HD and would be willing to sell it cheap, e-mail me. Eh.

It’s looking as thogh Adam and I won’t get all that much time together this weekend. He’s working Friday night, and 12-3 Saturday and then after work he’s going to his dad’s, then Sunday he works 12-6, so those are just odd hours and since he usually doesn’t get up tell late on Sat and Sunday, well that doesn’t leave all that much time. It’s sad really.

Ok, I must go and work with the evil M$ and encode some stuff. Laters

Do you catch yourself barking when you should be smiling? Or do you catch yourself leaving the room with your tail between your legs when you should be standing up for yourself or someone else? When dealing with certain sticky situations, your own actions may be a little hard to understand right now. It seems that something is going on beneath the surface that you may not yet be able to unravel. You need to get in touch with your true feelings regarding another person’s actions.

I know what my problem is, it’s that I don’t understand how someone can love me. I know how I can love someone else. I’m in love. But I can’t comprehend in my mind how they can love me. I look at myself and see everything that’s wrong. I see all the flaws and I see how I think, I see the way I look every morning and I know how I live. I see all these things and think how horrible of a person I am, and I think to myself, how can they love someone like me? How can they look at me and say that they love me, spend every day with me and say that they like being around me. I lay in bed at night looking back on my day, thinking how boring it was, I think about how rutine it was. I say to myself everynight that I’m going to get out and do things, that I’m going to change my routine. I just don’t understand, and that’s what I need to change. I need to learn.

Sometimes Adam just annoys the hell out of me. He’s to fucking arrogant and he doesn’t see when he hurts other people, and he doesn’t know when to shut his mouth and he doesn’t understand when to stop, and when to take it that he’s lost the conversation. Like with the zit things the other day. I said that I didn’t see why people needed to go to the dermotoligist to get that shit. I just don’t see a need for it unless you have acne that’s “health threatening” and I don’t see as how his acne is that bad, 90% of the time, you can’t even notice it and it’s just as bad as mine is. And he turned that into an all out argument about nothing. It was just annoying as hell. Because he doesn’t take other people’s opinions. And he just can’t accept that. Grrr.

I don’t want you annoyed with me. Adam, I do everything possible to avoid confrontaions with you because I don’t want them to fuck up our relationship. I lost you once and ever since we got back together I’ve been walking lightly on things, I know it probably doesn’t seem as that, but I have been and it’s little things like this that annoy me sometimes. You give to much information and always just asume that everyone else doesn’t know jack. You need to not be so arrogant in thinking that you know everything. Sometimes you should take the extra time to just find out what other people know before you start in with telling everyone everything.