Author: Cj B

If only this would happen to me…

i’ll do anything you want

i helped you make the right decision

i gave you something soft to land on the way down

been sleeping under water

holding my breath til you came along

you walk around the corner

carry me home to where i belong

hey how does it feel

once in a life time

two may find each other

hey nothings for real

now that the search is over

two together and you know your the one

(know your the one)

you do anything that i want

you only have to breath to move me

you try to take the load off when i’m weighed down

been sleeping under water

holding my breath til you came along

you walk around the corner

carry me home to where i belong

hey how does it feel

once in a life time

two may find each other

hey nothings for real

now that the search is over

two together and you know your the one

(know your the one)

i needed love

you gave it to me

warm like the sun

you give and you give

your lifting the world around you

hey how does it feel

once in a lifetime

two may find each other

hey nothings for real

now that the search is over

two together

hey how does it feel

once in a lifetime

two may find each other

hey nothings for real

now that the search is over

two together and you know your the one

two together and you know your the one

Effort

You see….

In the 100+ dates I’ve had since I started this crusade, there’s been few boys to make it past date #1. But if they do… I put all my effort into them. I do everything I can to try and see where things will go.

So, I get involved.. Perhaps a little bit too emotionally very quickly. That’s why it hurts and bugs me when they don’t work out.

Yes, I’m going through a lot of boys, but this is a quest god-damnit!

I’m sick of being single, it’s been nearly 2 years now. And I want it to be over!

Jay said he’d call yesterday at 5pm, it’s 8:25am.. And still nothing. I called him at midnight last night… No answer. I left a message. “I’m begining to thing you just don’t want to talk to me”. Two days where he said he’d call, and nothing. I’m not contacting him… We’ll see if he ever calls me again. I’m doubtful… Where’s this “repsect” you talked of the other day Jay? Or how about the “regret” you had for not calling me the first time?? The only thing that should have stopped him from calling yesterday was an accident. Ugh!

I was sitting outside this morning drinking my coffee and a really cute boy said hello to me. He works in my building.

I hate having a good internal alarm… I went to bed at 3 this morning… My body woke me promptly at 5:10. I’m tired.. and very irritable.

I updated the BF application again… I added two questions (wierd fact, message morning/night) and changed one question debt/income to FICO score… Go check it out.

Random Mail

My parents mail me the most random shit.

The other day I got:

1) half an envelope with a website scrawled on it

2) a newspaper article about a pizza crust made of cheese

3) a camping catalog

Very strange.

Life has been ok. I’ve been really down and on the verge of crying. Went and hung out with Jason again Monday night. That was fun. He ran 6 miles and I biked the 6 miles. He’s in Philly the rest of the week.

Tuesday I hit the gym. Did 20 minues of cardio and then some time doing weights. I’m such a weakling. 🙁

I’m in such a horrible fucking mood. I’m so over all this shit. I can’t wait for this project to be done now. I only have a few items left. Sadly they are pretty major items, and I’m sure that the VP will have a lot of minor changes that he’ll want made now that he’s back from vacation. He always does.

Yesterday was a horrible day. Explained in the private/friends only post. In addition to that I’m also really frustrated by the fact that I’m lacking friends yet again. I’ve got a few, but they are all in SoOC, and alas it’s hard to see them. I’m slowly working on friends here in RB, but they are seeming difficult to get as well. I think part of the difficulty is my strange hours but that shouldn’t put too much of a damper on things.

Watching MTM makes things better. Although it’s a show, MTM goes through so many ups and downs with guys and relationships and friends and just always puts on a happy face and hits the world. As the theme song says, “Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile.” If only.

I really want to go home.

Check out this cool website.

Here’s what I want you to do. First, I want you to spread chocolate on my chest. Then, I want you to spread some nougat, then some caramel and roasted peanuts. Then I want you to fuck me and call me Snickers. 

He’s just not that into you.

So, I’m assuming it’s done with Jay. He sent me a txt message late Monday night. Said “I’ll call you tomorrow”.

So all day Tuesday I wait, and wait.  Everytime my phone rang, my heart jumped hoping it was him. Nothing.

He was online off and on from about 5:30 till 9 when I went to bed. Usually for like 45 minutes at a time. I never IMed him, he never IMed me. What happened to practive at 6 every tuesday?

I sent him a txt at 9. “Good night, hope your day was great”. No reply… I sent him a txt at 3:30 this morning, “So, how come you never called like you said you would.”

Ugh. WHY!?

Why is it that the ONE thing I want so badly is so fucking hard to obtain!! I could do with out the HUGE salary, the great place to live. I just want this one fucking thing. I want someone to share my life with!

Any why do boys lie so fucking much. Friday Jay was all. “I’m so into you, and you’re so great” blah blah blah. Saturday it was, well you know…

Then it’s nothing. The thing that gets me the most is “dont worry about me ever not calling you back. i respect you too much for that”

Umm. Where’s that respect again?

Maybe he’s got a great reason… Probably not.

BF Application

I updated my BF Application.

Mostly reformatting things, but I also added a question, since I seem to keep getting these people who aren’t “ready”. So I added the question. “are you ready for a relationship?” haha.

I’m really pretty down right now. I’m so not in the mood to work or do anything. I want to just go and lay around and have a good cry.

So then, go fill out the application!