Author: Andy McGee

So I just finished reading Chris’ private entry and it made me tear up. There are a few things that did upset me though, just a tiny bit.

One is that he thinks I will have a bad impression of the time we had sex, and always connect it to the infection. Well, that simply isn’t true. There isn’t too much else I can say. I am happy we shared what we did, it is not connected in my mind with the infection, just the feelings and the person that I got to share that special experience with.

Also, I didn’t mean to rush our goodbye. I’m sorry it seemed like that. I wanted you to stay, and if I had known how emotional you were feeling, I would’ve demanded that you stay so we could talk about it and I could hold you.
I think that’s it. So now here’s my update.

I got upset after the doc told me that the infection is caused by getting bacteria in your urethra. B/c I basically knew there was only one time when that could’ve happened: when we had sex. So I was thinking about it, and I wanted to tell Chris. Not to upset him, but just to let him know and to tell him taht if we ever do it again, I want to use a condom. Well, I did tell him on the way down and that was a big mistake. Definitely a way home conversation. He seemed very upset by it, even though it wasn’t his fault! I can understand why he felt bad, but I wish he didn’t b/c he really didn’t do anything wrong, it wasn’t his fault at all. I don’t blame him. So I really didn’t want him upset and afterwards I just felt really bad for even bringing it up. But I wanted to let him know that I was a little afraid to have sex now b/c of what happened. I will probably feel that way for awhile, who knows? But it doesn’t mean that when Chris and I made love, I didn’t enjoy it. It was absolutely wonderful and I’m glad it happened.

Reflecting back on the trip now, as I lay in bed, I feel like I took Chris for granted. And I now feel terrible. Sometimes I was just a *bit* too snappish. And a *bit* too bitchy. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m very sorry.

I DID have a good trip though. It was really good to spend the whole weekend with just Chris. We had lots of fun and crazy tiems (barry road weee!) and it was just all around goodness. We did talk a lot about me moving and stuff. It’s just as scary for me as it is for Chris. Not only do I have to worry about us, I have to worry about a millino other things, like the move and then of course, me actually moving in and starting college. Why is college seeming so scary??

I wish Chris would have called me as he drove back to Ames if he was that upset. I wish he would’ve called me, and come back over and let me hold him and tell him that everything is alright and he has nothing to be upset/worry about.

Though I myself was worried b/c he didn’t say he loved me last night or today when we said goodbye. I know it sounds stupid…. but still. I like to hear it, it helps me reaffirm that he does care about me.

I don’t know what else to say. Now I’m just upset. Well, hopefully Chris and I get a chance to talk about it tomorrow.

Goodnight.

Being a sicky mcsick pants means no kisses!

So yesterday, even though I was uber sick, was a really good day! I wasn?t able to drive up to Ames (considering how tired I was, I probably would not of even made it up there) and so Chris drove down here to see me. I felt bad right off the bat b/c he had to drive all the way here and he?s driving all around Kansas this weekend. But he said it was no big deal. So he got here around 12ish, and we just layed on my bed and hung out. That was nice, it lifted my spirits to have him there. He wouldn?t kiss me though, which was cute, and frustrating at the same time, b/c I wanted to kiss him so bad! But I understand where he?s coming from, I mean who wants to be sick?

So after we layed around for awhile, my sister went and got some yogurt, gingerale, and soup. So we went upstairs and he made me the soup and I ate most of a thing of yogurt, which was really good. We sat on the couch, and ate lunch and watched Ally McBeal. After that, we went downstairs and watched ?Frida? which I thought was really good. Chris was in an uncomfortable position though lol. He let me put my head in his lap though, that was nice. When that movie ended, he went and got some stuff for us to drink and then after he came down, he went all the way back up to get me Tylenol b/c my head hurt. He was being so great the whole day, always asking me if I needed anything and getting whatever it was I asked for. Such a good boyfriend.

Then he watched Oprah and the news, and I fell asleep in his lap. I didn?t really want to fall asleep b/c I knew it would suck for him just sitting there. Especially b/c he couldn?t really move b/c my head was in his lap. But he didn?t seem angry about it, so that was good. I felt a little better after sleeping. Then we watched ?Pumpkin? another pretty good movie, and when that was over we had some dinner b/c I was UBER starving. So I made some pasta and chicken, and he had a chicken sandwich. Mine was good, however I couldn?t eat it all cause I felt sick and then also I was tired and could hardly get the fork to my mouth and then get my mouth to chew it all. So we broke and went downstairs. By this point it was like 8 and Chris had to leave soon.

So we just layed down in my bed again and held each other and talked. We both said that each of us is the lucky one in the relationship. I guess if we both feel that way, we both must be the lucky ones! I really do feel lucky though, not many boyfriends would come over when their boyfriend is sick, and spend 9 hours with them, just sitting on the couch and holding them and giving them little kisses all over. It was really sweet and I?m so happy to have a guy like that in my life. He had to leave eventually and I could hardly drag myself outta bed to go up and see him off. But I did, and we went to the garage and said goodbye. He left, and I showered and stuff?.

Then I was going to clean my room up a little bit, when I noticed there were some keys on the desk that certainly weren?t mine b/c I only have my one set of car keys. So I called Chris and I was like ?Did you leave any keys here?? And he?s like ?SHIT! Those are my house keys!? So he had to come all the way back, it took him like a ½ hour which means he was probably most of the way there already. I felt bad and apologized, even thought it wasn?t my fault at all. But still I felt bad. But it was nice to see him again, and we hugged and stuff!

I can?t wait until tomorrow, we are gonna have a really good weekend in Kansas City, even though it will just be the 2 of us! Grrr?. But yeah, it?ll still be tons of fun, hopefully we are both in good health!!

An Emotional Weekend.

Like Chris said, this weekend has been very emotional but also very good.

Nothing really happened Friday taht I won’t update about in my normal journal. We just went out and had a good time and saw Legally Blonde which is the best movie, so uber cute! I wish I was her! lol

Saturday was also a good day. Chris came over and we spent a lot of time here packing and stuff. That was very stressful on me. I basically just went through my clothes, then realized I had a keyboard I could sell, and yeah. So we called around, I sold it for 15 bucks, eh whatever, it’s money right? But yeah a few times I had to just sit on the bed and hug and kiss Chris b/c it was just too much for me to be packing, it’s all coming too soon!

Then we went bowling and that was fun and we bet that whoever lost bowling would pay for dinner. For some reason I bowled really good, and ended up with a fairly decent score. And yeah so then we went to the new porn store, which was also fun. The guy was VERY nice and that was fun and there was lots of porn so that was good too lol.

After that, we went out to dinner at this buffet place and it was really pretty good, I enjoyed the food. Topher paid, since he lost bowling and I spilled my drink all over the wall since I’mdumb.

After that we went home to his house andhung out. We hot tubbed for awhile but the bugs were really getting a bit too much, so we broke and went inside. It sucks that there are so many bugs b/c I really like to hot tub. Anyways.
We went inside and started doing stuff like usual. Rimmed Topher and did other stuff too, we just had a good time. I told him that I wanted to make love to him. I was ready and I wanted to express my feelings for him. So I told him, and he didn’t say anything so I thought that was weird and I didn’t know what to think. After awhile he told me that he loved me, and I said it back. And then eventually we got to a position where it was easily accessible and I went in and we had sex for the first time. It was really amazing, all the feelings that were going on. Like Chris said, indescribable.

After awhile we both jacked off and came. Then we kissed and stuff and went downstairs. Immediately I felt bad. I didn’t regret anything, but it was a much bigger deal to me than I thought it would be. And then it didn’t seem like Chris felt the same way and I got really upset. Like as soon as we were downstairs he said something like “oh yeah I was so close to cumming, IF you hadn’t of pulled out.” and all I could think was “Well I’m so sorry that you feel that way, I was more into the emotions of the thing than the physical pleasure.” And he made a few jokes about it during the subsequent night/day and I just felt bad, like all he wanted out of the deal was a good fuck. But we did talk about it last night and it was all straightened out and I knew all along he didn’t feel like that, but it was just hard not to think so, plus I was really stressed from the packing thing and so I was just blowing things up.

So we watched Sister Sister and the Proud Family and then went to bed. We slept pretty good and when I woke up my back didn’t hurt so that was good. But yeah, we had a good Sunday too, although a bit more emotions again b/c I was packing a lot. So that was bad, but we took lots of pics of stuff for Ebay and I’m hopefully gonna sell it all. I really need to! I need the money bad. So we walked around the lake for a little bit, that was nice, I just wish there weren’t any people there… or bugs for that matter. Just me and Topher and a nice path and no bugs or other people. That would be sweet.

Picked up Jenny, blah blah didn’t do much, just hung out with them. Chris was sassy to Ginny.. I think she liked it though. lol.

That night we were emotion filled again. laying on my bed, I apologized for being weird all day and that’s where we talked about the whole sex thing. I think I was also weird b/c I wanted us to talk about it and stuff before it happened but then it just did and it was all so fast and then suddenly we’d had sex for the first time. but I don’t regret it… I haven’t had a lot of sex at all, like really not at all, but that was the most meaningful sexual thing I’d ever done with a person. I was very happy to be sharing it with my Topher, he means so much to me. He eventually had to leave, it was sad but we both knew it was coming. So we started saying goodbye, and eventually he left and it was sad and I miss him.

But just one more day and then I’ll get to see him again. And then we get a whole weekend together, and potentially by ourselves. But that’s a whole other situation.

So let’s see here, what’s been going on. This weekend was tons of fun, I was SO happy to be back and in my Topher’s arms again. Though VERY annoyed at the stupid plane people. GRR.

That night I gave Chris lots of good pleasure (I hope!) in the tent and it was fun b/c it was outside and in a tent and that just made it fun. We both shot some nice loads that night. Yeah.

Sunday again was good, though I woke up with a raging headache. We did just a lot of random things that day. Then we went to camp at night and it was really cool to hear all about it. So much more complexity to BoyScouts than I ever imagined. But yeah I get most of it (that doesn’t mean I REMEMBER all of it) and I am trying my hardest to rememer as much as I can, and I think I’m doing a fairly ok job. Like I know the OA goes Ordeal, Brotherhood, Vigil. Hows that eh? lol.

It was hard to say bye Sunday since I still wanted to spend time with him since I had just gotten back. But we managed and nothing happened till Wednesday.

Wed he came down and we hung out here, scanning pictures, which he didn’t want to do but I REALLY had to get done. I need to scan a whole lot more cause in a few weeks, I won’t have a scanner anymore! I just wish I hadn’t put all those pics in my photo album now, since I want to scan most of them! DAMN!

We just generally had a good day, we went swimming and popped in the hot tub for a few. After that, went upstairs where I got a very nice massage and rubdown. It was very nice. Very nice. Then I got a rimmy mmmm mmm. And other stuff, my boo tay let Chris in again, I think he was excited about that. I don’t know how much he had in but it sure felt good. Once or twice it was a bit too much of a push, but overall VERY enjoyable. I came with Chris fingering me, jacking me, and licking my knee. I was close, and then he licked the top of Enfuego, and I just fucking blew. I shot up to my ear. Crazyness. Then I jacked him and licked him and he came too. Then we watched a movie about the floods of 93. Very interesting, though had they only used each clip of footage once, it would’ve been about 1/2 the length it was. After that we had some yummy hamburgers and then broke for camp. Drove up there and hung out,something bugged me in the car but I can’t remember now, so it obviously wasn’t big.

Got there, walked around just a little, then went to the Tower thing but it was cancelled, so we headed to the amphitheater. Got some good seats and waited for the Scouts to come. They finally did, there were 10 million of them, and the show thing started. I really liked it, mainly b/c of the randomness. SPOONS! lol cracks my shit up. And the Prince/Princess skit was good and really funny too. An enjoyable time no doubt. After that we allfiled out for the calling out ceremony. Stood there and got eaten by the bugs and watched the scary, half naked people stare at little children meanly. Good times! After everyone got called out, we broke b/c Chris didn’t want to stay and hear all the names being called out. Drove home, talked, blah blah, said goodbye in the driveway. Again, hard to leave. Isn’t it always??

Now it’s Friday, and I get to see him in just about 10 hours! Yippee yay! Unfortunately, getting to see him means I first have to suffer through 7 1/2 hours of work. I think that maybe work is like my task. Once I overcome it, then I get rewarded (IE, Chris) but if that’s so why does it suck so much? I dunno, work may actually be so that I can make lots of money. But whatever.

ANyways, time to start getting ready.

Not Much To Say

Not much to say here. Friday night had potential to turn out bad, we were both in bad moods. Thank God it all turned out alright. I was just in a bad mood b/c of the trip, and all the driving and whatnot, and Chris was annoyed b/c I was annoyed. At least that’s what I assume. I was really upset when he just went I just want to go home. I wanted to cry, but I kept up my stone façade.

When the fireworks started and his arms went around me, I realized that none of it was a big deal and what was I doing fucking up the last few hours we had together before I left? So then I was fine, and we had an enjoyable rest of the night.

Hard saying goodbye, but eventually we did and it was really cold.

The next day we had a pretty good day, well a pretty good few hours. He came over and I finished up some last minute stuff then we headed to HalfPrice Books. Anyways, we went to the airport. I wished that I could’ve taken the flight that got in today instead of yesterday so that I could spend the night with Chris.

But alas, they found me a new flight so I had to leave. Saying goodbye wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I mean, it was hard. Luckily, both of us were able to resist from crying, though I wanted to. We hugged and kissed for a really really long time, though I don’t think the people who kept walking past us really enjoyed it. But whatever. So we said bye, and I love you. and then I didn’t want to leave.

Talked to him once from Ohio, and then once when I got back to the actual villa/apartment thing. I tried calling him today, but he hasn’t called me back yet. Hopefully he does soon. Or else I’ll cry.