A breakup letter

Dear Charles,

The past 6 months have been great and I do love you a lot. I appreciated your support through the rough times with Derik and I love that you took an active interest in learning about HIV.

But over the past couple weeks, it’s come clear to me that we are just not meant to be together. You’re a great guy with a great future, but I want things that it’s just clear that you cannot provide.

I want a boyfriend who wants to talk to me, when I send a text message I shouldn’t be asking myself “is this going to bother him” or “is he going to reply to this”. I want a boyfriend who wants to hear about my day, my life, my stories. I shouldn’t have to be sitting at dinner, thinking about something that happened during the day and wonder to myself “does he want to hear this story”. I want a boyfriend who when we are sitting there at the end of the night asks me, “how was your day babe”. I want a boyfriend who when I speak to them, replies so that we can have a conversation about something.

I want a boyfriend who is passionate, who looks at me in the morning and says “Damn, I’m so lucky” and who shows that to me. When I got back from Galapagos, Tahiti, ALC, I wanted a boyfriend who would SHOW how excited he is to have me back home. I want a boyfriend who wants to jump me every day. I shouldn’t be horny and have to think to myself, “have we had too much sex already this week”. I want a boyfriend who wants to give me a big passionate kiss every time they see me.

I want a boyfriend who wants to text me all day long, about the littlest of shit. I want a boyfriend who sees an article about something online and sends it to me to talk about.

I really like you, I enjoy our time together but in the end, I think that we just aren’t compatible. What you want and show in a relationship is not matching what I need out of a relationship. I need someone who is going to take an interest in my day and my life. And not just someone who expects me to cook for them, clean for them and just in general be there for THEM. I need reciprocation. I want a boyfriend who GOES the extra mile without me having to ASK or TELL them to do it. I want a boyfriend who recognizes how amazing _I_ am and shows that to me.

Good luck in school and with much love, I say goodbye.

—-

I’m not breaking up with him. But I’m putting these in writing for now. I need to seriously consider if I am OK with a partner that only returns 40% of what I need/give. I know he cannot provide everything I want or need, but will he get better with time as his work/life balance returns. Can I wait that long to find out. I don’t know. This past week, I’ve debated every day if I should just pack up and leave. Go camping. I deserve someone who gives me everything and more, the way that I give to them.