The worst trip of my life.

I just got back from the worst trip of my life. I could’t get home fast enough. There were aspects of the trip that were great and I might actually do another one again.

I’ll start with the actual trip itself. The boat/boat life was ok(ish). The online posting for the trip says things like horseback riding, hikes, snorkeling along the reef, and of course sailing. Well, pretty much none of those activities actually happened. Which I was really upset about. I spent a lot of money to get to this location, it’s one of the most beautiful places in the world with some of the most beautiful reefs in the world and we didn’t see any of it. The first day we went through the briefing and the caption was like “we’re going to sail here, then here, then here, the here” and didn’t say anything about the activities at all. Derik and I talked about it and I’m not sure if someone over heard us or what but the next day the captain was like “Apparently people don’t like this plan so we’re changing it”. And he added one day trip to do a vanilla plantation tour and a rum plant tour. But honestly it wasn’t enough. Every day we would anchor somewhere for lunch and the captain would say “Ok, let’s go swimming” and we’d jump in and it would just be nothing but sand everywhere. Again in the online description it says they will dinghy us to the reef to snorkel. That never once happened. Based on the description online, I was totally expecting to spend half the day sailing and the other half on land/snorkeling some beautiful areas. We basically didn’t see anything worthwhile on the whole trip. I had even emailed him before the trip asking if there would be time to go scuba diving and he said yes.. Well there was never time for that.

The biggest part is Derik. On Tuesday we went snorkeling in this one river. They dropped us off on one side of this island, we walked to the other side and then snorkeled back through. As a big group (12 people) we all walked to the other side, jumped in and then floated back down. Well this guy Shuaky and I were kinda staying close together and Derik ended up way far ahead of us. At one point Shauky and I decided to just get out and go back to the start but go farther into the ocean first and then float back down. Derik saw us and asked what we were doing. We told him to farther down river then come back up with us (because where he was was all coral and he couldn’t get out). Well he apparently interpreted that as “just keep going” and we were leaving him out. Once Shauky and I got back to the end of the river he was there and he was all pissed off but he didn’t say anything really to me. Just took his camera and went and did other stuff. He did’t say anything to me other then asking to get some pics of himself.

That night, we were doing an on board BBQ and we rafted two boats together. Everyone was having a good time, music was going, dancing, BBQ, drinks flowing, etc. But Derik sat in the corner pouting. At one point he was chatting with these two Arizona guys and I assume he must have been venting to them about me cause they saw me and waved me over. They did this whole “have you met derik” thing, which was kinda weird and we just chatting. Then I excused myself and went and sat down and was just watching everything and having a drink. Derik comes up to me and asks “can we go talk”. So we go to the front of the boat where no one was (or so we thought) and start talking. He tells me how he felt left out because Shauky and I left him I the river alone, blah blah blah. I apologized and he was like “I don’t want your apology”. I can’t really remember everything that happened but he was getting in my face and ranting on and on about how I’m a horrible person and talking about how I always leave him out of stuff and don’t invite him to things any more and how he just sits at home cause he has no friends here in SF. He was ranting about how Kris (his polish “friend”) never comes to Oakland and how kris gets pissed off at him cause he’s always late coming to SF. blah blah blah. I told him that the stuff that happened back in November was what caused a change in our relationship and how when he told me he never wanted to see Charlie, how am I supposed to involve him and invite him to things when he acts like that.

Anyway, this went on for nearly an hour. At which point multiple “couples” had come up front and were making out/having sex around us. I finally was like “look, we can’t talk about this here, we’re making a scene, let’s discuss when we get home” and he started telling me that I was being aggressive towards him. (I was sitting on the lifeline, he was standing in front of me). I got up and went to our cabin. A few minutes later he comes into the cabin and slams the door down.

Our cabin is in the main saloon area where EVERYONE was still gathered, so everyone on the boat saw him slam the door. He comes down and starts screaming at me that he wants to move out and we have to figure it out right now. I told him that we can’t figure it out right now because neither of us have the lease and can see what the options are. Then he brings up my HIV an how apparently I didn’t tell him when we first met that I was HIV+. Which who cares, we never had sex. I told him to get out and after much more yelling from him he left and again slammed the door.

I heard him up on deck for the next hour or so bitching at Shauky and Gary about how horrible of a person I am. He never came back to the cabin that night, so I assume he slept on deck

The rest of the trip was SUPER awk. He didn’t talk to me, he sat and pouted in the cabin for most of the rest of the trip. The first day we were there, we had gone to a grocery store and bought a bunch of snack to share (which I paid for). He hid all those snacks. One day, I came to bed after him and he had the entire blanket curled up so that I couldn’t use it (so I had to use a towel for a blanket). Another night, I come to bed around midnight and he had every light in the cabin on and he was watching instagram. I get in bed and turn the lights off and he says “WTF, I need those fucking light”. I said “You don’t need all the lights to watch instagram” and he just says “WTF”, gets out of bed and leaves the cabin, again slamming the door…

He was just Childish AF the whole rest of the trip. Once we got off the boat we went to the hotel and didn’t hardly talk at all. We did have dinner together the night before our flight and he acted as if nothing happened. Was chatty AF like normal.

So Long ass story but basically he is moving out. I am not sure what to do now. I can afford $4k/month in rent by myself. But I don’t really WANT TO afford that. Moving in with him was one of the worst decisions of my life. I should have never moved out of Vallejo.

Who knew he was going to end up such a fucking psycho.

We get home and I pack up and leave to go see Charlie (you thought you were going to get a post without him!!! LOL) . He was working and I went there to surprise him. He didn’t seem that happy to see me. I ordered dinner and sat in the dinning room and he came to sit with me. He barely talked the whole time we sat there. I came back to his place and just waited for him. He got home and we cuddled in bed but it just seemed weird/off. I can clearly see there’s remnant of a drinking party here. I wonder who he had over drinking (Eric, I’m sure), but he never told me that. He just doesn’t show any emotion, doesn’t show any excitement that I’m back. He did text me “thank you for coming back early” and he also cleared out a drawer in his dresser for me to put some stuff in. So that’s nice of him. But still, I want some excitement, some show of affection that he’s happy to have me back. We are going out to dinner tonight and I want to bring it up. But I just don’t know how.

He mentioned this morning on his way out of the house that he didn’t watch any class videos last week. WTF were you fucking doing all week. You didn’t have me around, so you should have had plenty of time to fucking watch class videos. I just honestly don’t know if this Is even what I want any more with him. I want a boyfriend who shows that they want me around, who wants to fucking share with me and tell me things. Who is excited to see me when I come home. He doesn’t ACT like he wants any of that.

Astra is also acting WEIRD AF. I’m 100% sure that one of his brothers abused her while I was gone.

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