In Bora Bora

So, first day here in Bora Bora and things are going well so far. I mean all we’ve done is sit by the pool while we wait to go to the airport for the flight to the next island and then boarding the boat.

I wanted to do a quick update though about Charlie. It’s really been on my mind this morning and I don’t know how to approach things with him to get him to not be defensive about it.

Last Tuesday we got into a HUGE HUGE fight and I honestly thought it was the end of things. We were hanging out at his house and I told him I wanted to be in Oakland by 5pm. We were meeting Eric at 6 and I wanted to have time to get ready, maybe have some sex, walk astra, etc. Well it was 4:30 and he was fucking watching tiktoks again, his laundry was in the dryer and he needed to fold it before we could leave. So I was pushing him to get it done. He got all pissed at me cause I was pushing him and he was like “you’re dating a filipino you have to get used to this”. Excuse me, well you’re dating a white guy and I want to be on time for shit. So we packed and he was clearly all pissed off. We get to my house, he’s still clearly pissed off so I ask him to go up to the roof to talk about it. I told him that he needs to figure out what the fuck he wants out of this realtionship, this isn’t working for me the way it was. We didn’t have much time to talk cause Eric showed up.

We walk down stairs and get in the car and start driving and it’s complete silence. I try to talk to Eric and not any reply at all. So I text Charlie and I’m like “should I just go home”, he says “NO”. We get to the comedy club and again super awk, silence all around. The show was great and then after the show they decide to go to this rooftop bar. Honestly I just wanted to fucking go home. It was so god damn awkward and annoying that no one was talking.

We get to the bar and of course more silence. Eric sits there on his phone. Seriously. I am done trying to be nice to him. I am done trying to pull the fucking conversation with him. I get up and go to the bathroom and those two are chatting away, laughing, I get back, silence. We drive home and Charlie invites Eric up to have a water. Well somehow that turned into shots and I was pissed. I went to the bathroom and Charlie followed me and we had a bit of a fight in there. I think Eric got the hint cause he excused himself right away after that.

Once Charlie and I were alone I started talking, he sat there in silcense. Not saying a word. Turned his back to me and just pretended to sleep. He’s said in the past when this happens he just needs his space. So I let him sit there for an hour. It was now almost 3am and I got pissed off. he started to pack his bags and was walking out the door. I grabbed him and pulled him back in bed and told him some stuff to get him to calm down and we went to bed.

The next morning was super awk and honestly since then things have been bad, IMHO. Like we are “back to normal” but he’s also been way more distant via text. He’s completely stopped with the “at work now babe” or “on my way home”. He doesn’t update me throughout the day any more. He completely ignores me in fact. If I text him, no reply until after he’s off work. He has basically stopped sending any sort of emotional icons “kiss faces, etc” through text.

Honestly this is not how I want thing to be. He clearly texts Eric throughout the day, eh clearly has plenty of time to be on instagram and ticktock. HE needs to figure out what he wants. I want to approach this with him again. I need to let him know that I am not happy with this, that I want more out of him. That I want him to tell me when he gets to work, etc. He says he “forgets”. BS. He’s on his phone all day long at work.

Last night, example. I was flying to Tahiti, he had family come over and they hung out. Well he didn’t text me anything, didn’t say anything.

This week will be interesting while I’m away. He did text me that he misses me already. But then today we were texting in the morning and he jus stopped… I assume cause he got to work. But how about a “I’m at work now babe, talk later” message? Is that really too hard or too much to ask from him?

I wonder how much he will hang out with Eric this week. Will he tell me ahead of time he is going to hang out with Eric? Last tuesday, I actually suggested the two of them hang out this upcoming tuesday to go to a brunch place Charles has been wanting to eat at. Let’s see if that comes through and if Charles let’s me know when they plan it.

I dunno, I like him. I enjoy our time together but I just don’t really want this much drama in a young relationship. I don’t want to have to beg him to give me what I want. I don’t think that I am asking too much by asking for him to text me these things but his reply is basically always the same: “I come home to you ever day, I see you every morning. Why do you have to have so much attention throughout the day”. because I’m needy AF? LOL

Ugh. It’s just frustrating. I also wonder if we are even compatible long term. I’m here in bora bora. I want to do way more trips like this. But he can never get time off. He doesn’t have money to do these things. He even admitted to me he is struggling financially but when ever I bring up trying to help with a budget or something he just seems to ignore me.

I just don’t know. I want him to be more, I want him to express more, I want him to open up to me more. But I don’t know how to push him and tell him to do that, to even bring it up with him without him getting upset and shutting down.

I just hate how he wastes so much fucking time watching TikTok and instagram. I just hate that we don’t have much sex because he would rather watch TikTok. I hate that we are in this pattern already as only being together 3 months where a peck on the lips is all I get. There’s no passion from him.

Another example. I left Friday morning at 8am from his house (more like 8:30). I woke up at 8, showered, brushed my teeth, got ready and he was still in bed. I packed my things and got ready to leave. He’s still in bed. I kiss him goodbye and he doesn’t seem to really care that much. I walk out of his room and am leaving the house and he FINALLY COMES out to the front door and gives me one last peck. No passionate kisses, no long hugs goodbye, no “I’m going to miss you so much”. He BARELY could even muster getting out of bed to say goodbye to me. If rolls had been reversed, I would have been up and made him coffee while he was showering, I would have been standing there the whole time hugging him and kissing him. I would have walked him to his car and waved goodbye as he drove away.

Honestly, it’s just like he doesn’t care. I even told him It felt like I’m here just to fill his time.

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