My Life

You’re Trash

Dating sucks…. Went on that date with Paolo and we had scheduled a second date for Sunday to go hiking. He ghosted me, until last night. I get a text message from him saying “You could have told me you were HIV+” . I replied to him that it was in my profile, he said something like “I might not have read your whole profile, you can’t hold that against me”. WTF. _YOU_ can’t hold it against ME! Not my fault you didn’t read and understand what you were getting into. He then went on to call me “trash” multiple times for not disclosing to him and for not being more apologetic about it. Asshole.

Honestly, fuck him. I am amazing. I am the most caring person in the world, I am smart, adventurous, have a nice job, a cute dog. I will do anything for the person I love. So fuck him.

I send a screenshot to Charles and we started talking a bit. He said “I hope all is well else wise”. I replied “Well, I’m still mending a broken heart”. He replied “It hasn’t exactly been easy for me either”. or something like that. I told him to call me if he needs to talk. I really want to know what’s up with that. He should be happy. He got what he wanted, he got Eric. I wonder what is up.

This past weekend was amazing though, minus the trash guy. Friday night we met up with Pastor Mark, went to first Fridays and then he invited me to some house party. The party was great but I got WAY too drunk and ended up puking once I got home. There was this SUPER cutie named Cody there. But drunk ass me failed to get his phone number. Mark gave Cody his number, but Cody hasn’t texted him yet. 🙁 a missed connection.

Saturday I was super hung over and was supposed to go biking but ended up just lounging around the house all morning. Went out on a date with sailing mark that evening and it was good. We saw My Fair Lady which honestly I slept through the entire second half.

Mark is really cute, very sweet and a great guy but I am just not feeling that “spark”. We had sex a few nights ago and it was nice, but not that great. When I see him, I don’t want to just make out with him and hold him, the way I did with Charles. I don’t have that want to text him or be with him constantly. But maybe that’s a good thing? Maybe this is what a comfortable relationship is. I’m not sure. I also don’t like how much he does weed/drinks. But he’s young and that’s what young guys do.

Calvin messaged me a couple weeks ago about coming to visit in December. I was honestly really excited for it, to see him again in person after 5 years. See if we can be closer friends and maybe start hanging out again. I miss him every day in my life and I really wanted to see if we could finally reconnect on more then just a random text level. He messaged me yesterday that it wasn’t going to work out. I am pretty sad about that. I was really looking forward to seeing him in person again.

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