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My Life

Why are you single?

I posted a thirst trap on insta today. You know many of the standard replies of “oh you’re so hot” blah blah blah. A couple guys with the “why are you single?!”

Jesus. I wish I knew, maybe they can tell me? I wish someone would fucking tell me? Why do I keep getting dumped, why do I keep getting passed up?

This one guy (Mark, I have WAY too many Marks in my life!) he and I went on a few dates pre-pandemic. he’s filipino, nurse, HIV+, super cute, into travel, etc. I was really into him back then but he clearly wasn’t into me at all. So we fell apart and don’t really talk any more. He was one of the guys who messaged me about “oh you’re so hot” and we started chatting and he was like “hopefully 2022 will bring you your guy” and then he said something about “I’m just waiting to snag the right guy”. I wanted to be like, well what was wrong with ME!? Why did you reject me?

I’ve been on a few dates since Charles dumped me. Every time I am just comparing them to him. Every day I just think about him, wishing he would text me. When I wake up, he’s still the first thing on my mind. I’ve noticed he’s been posting a lot of stories on insta lately, but I’m using all my will power to not look at them.

I picked back up with Mark and he and I have hung out a few times but honestly I don’t see it going anywhere. I enjoy his company but he’s just not that interesting to me.

Went out with this guy Jaime twice now, he’s ok. Cute Viet guy, poz, mostly bttm, into the outdoors, hiking, but has some major personal issues he’s trying to overcome. We will see if anything else comes of it.

Had a hiking date with this guy Hugo, he complained that the 2.5 mile hike we went on was too exhausting.

Met this cutie Paolo, we are gonna have a second date Sunday.

Met up with Pastor Mark last night. He’s so sweet and kind, he dropped off cookies and we ended up chatting for an hour. It was a really great chat. If only I could find someone like him who’s SINGLE.

Maybe I’m just being too picky. My therapist said I needed someone to set the bar for where I’m happy and content. Charles did that but I feel he set the bar high. It’s going to be tough for someone else to fill that.

Derik says I need to go for more dom guys. I mostly agree with that, but good luck finding me a Dom asian guy who is into me. Rav was the closest I came to that and he also passed me up.

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