My Life

Old stuff coming back up

So this is going to be a kind of long post. Maybe I’ll break it up into 2 posts.

This post is going to talk about things have happened long ago, things that are happening currently and how they interact together.

As everyone knows, I used to spend a lot of time climbing, camping, hiking, etc when I lived in LA. I met a lot of people back then and had a lot of fun with them. I thought we had become friends with most of them not super close friends but close enough that we keep in touch we follow each other and we message each other now and then.

First when I moved back to SF, I was expecting that some of those old people would at least want to hang out. I reached out to most of them when I arrived, we chatted but never seem to hang out. Most of them basically made zero effort to try and hang out which hurt a lot. But whatever. LIke I said, we were never super close friends but I at least expected they would hang out.

This past weekend, I was checking linkedin and noticed one of my friends who used to live in NYC was now living in SF. Now he and I again met climbing, I stayed at his house a couple times in NYC he stayed at my house in LA. We chat every couple months, we last facetimed in November. We haven’t hung out in person in years basically because we have both been off doing our own things. But I thought we were at least friends that if we MOVED/LIVED close enough to each other we’d at least notify each other. So I texted him… I was kinda tough, TBH but I was really upset. I guess I really do just expect too much out of people. He replied that he “had thought of me many times but has just been so busy”.

I again call this “busy” BULL SHIT. If I had found out I was moving to NYC, the FIRST people I would have contacted would have been him. It literally takes TWO SECONDS to say “Hey CJB! I’m moving to SF in XXXX time/monnth whatever”. That’s all it would have taken. Just so frustrating.

Second historical thing… Canadian Army guy. He and I met climbing again the earliest reference to him I can find is 2010, so 9 years at this point. When I first met him, I had a major ass crush on him. The first time i remember him we were climbing somewhere and this cocky ass asian guy comes in and he and I try climbing one of the hardest routes in the area. He gets to the second to last hold and we spend maybe an hour with him trying it over and over and over again. He finally crushed it and by the end of that day, I wanted to make out with him so badly. WE never did anything, ever. He lives in canada and so after I met Calvin he and I would hang out every now and then, we’d climb, we’d laugh. Come to find out he has a husband, has the life _I_ want.

Anyway, for some reason in the past two weeks he’s suddenly started sending me nudes, sending me videos and pic of him fucking these other guys. It’s super HOT but also makes me insanely jealous. I’ve wanted him so long but I can never have him and it makes me annoyed. I don’t really know what else to say about this situation, I mean obviously not everyone will be into me but whatever. I enjoy the pics he sends me and wish he and I could be closer friends, even if we NEVER do anything. He’s an awesome guy would love to hang out with him more.

He has also been telling me all his conquests during out climbing trips and they make me a bit jealous. He basically fucked all the guys I had crushes on during that time.

He’s apparently moving to Saskatoon too and he’s invited me camping in the prairies. I want to go, but I also feel that’ll be WAY to hard emotionally for me.

Anyway. I have a meeting but have a lot more to discuss, look for a second post later!

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