My Life

Holding onto Regrets

I don’t know if this is normal or not but I have an issue with holding onto regrets. There are a few things that I still think about frequently that happened years ago, that I regret not working out differently that I wish I could go back and change. It’s probably not healthy.

#1 – Shortly after I moved to Los Angeles, I met this guy named David. We hung out a lot, he was into cars, he was going to school to become a lawyer, he was nerdy, he was super cute. We were pretty good friends and hung out as often as we could, considering he lived 2 hours away. But nothing ever went further then that. He moved to Texas a few years after meeting and we lost touch. About three years ago he txted me that he needed a place to crash close to LAX and asked if he could stop at my house. We had dinner that night and chatted a lot, come to find out we both had MAJOR crushes on each other back in the day. If only we had expressed that back then.

#2 – Calvin, I know this is still “recent” but I still think about it nearly daily and regret the decision we made. And now it’s too late to do anything about it.

#3 – obviously my status. I wish I had been smarter and not trusted the person I thought I could trust at the time. I regret this daily and wish I could just accept it and move on.

#4 – Constantine – this is something that’s bothered me for so long, he cheated on me while we were dating and here it is 7 years later and he’s still with that guy. Why in 7 years have I not been able to find the person I will be with long term. I know now that we would not have been a match long term, he likes way too fancy/nice of things ($1,000/night hotels, etc) which I could never have brought myself to support. But it just frustrates me that he’s there with this guy and I’m still single.

#5 – Army, this is still very recent but yet it’s also been going on for a few years now. I regret how things happened.

#6 – There’s a lot of little things through my childhood and HS years that still come to my mind every now and then that make me embarrassed/regretful. Which I just find weird but yet I cannot stop them from coming up every now and then.

I had two very intense dreams about both Army and Calvin last night. They just keep bringing things back to the forefront of my mind and make me upset about them both again. I need to take these interactions and learn from them… I’ve for sure let two amazing guys, maybe three, slip through my grasp in years past. I need to just take things by the balls and not let it happen again.

No more regrets.

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