Seriously, I know I’ve talked about this before, and I’m sure I’ll complain about it again, but whatever.
WHY can’t I get away from Jay! Why can’t I just forget and move on. This boy is being harder then fucking Andrew. UGH! Everyday he’s on my mind, every day I go to bed hoping that I will wake up with an e-mail or txt from him. Everyday I hope that he’ll say something to me! I just can’t deal with this asshole just STOPPING talking to me! Grrrr. Last night I went through and read all the AIM convos we had, I went to the marina del ray outrigger website and looked at all the pics of him on there.
I went and bought some scouting books from this guy a couple weeks ago…. Right across the street from Jay’s house. I see him online all the time and I want to just IM him. I want to call him and bitch him out. I just can’t get him out of my head! WHY! WHY! WHY! I don’t think it’s that I’m not over him, because he is an ASSHOLE, but I just HATE the fact that he just disappeared with no real reason or whatever. I just want to know what the hell happened. Stupid fucker.
I need someone new, I need to get a bf. I can’t deal with being single. I hate it, I’m not a single person! I need a partner to make me whole.
In other news, I am getting a bit annoyed with my work stuff. I’ve spent countless hours on this project that I’ve been working on. So much time and engery going into it, and just as I said when I started it. NO one is using it! It’s really very frustrating. I mean the power that this thing has, the amazing capabilities that it has, and no one here uses it. WHY!? I don’t get it. It’s so annoying. And yet all this time that we were designing it, and coding it, trainign people on it, they all said. “Wow, omg this is amazing, best thing I’ve ever seen”. Seriously, almost direct quote! Why don’t they use it now!
Another project that I did way back in the day (like the first couple months that I started here), just got replaced by a Paid for solution. Which is honestly VERY overkill, and doesn’t do all the stuff that MY system did. I understand that the decision to replace it was out of my companies control, but it’s still just really annoying.
And yet another project that I did MONTHS ago is _JUST_ now starting to get used. It was turned on yesterday. Now thank god this is being used, but MONTHS ago when I was writing it I was asked to do it in a day, because they were going to start using it the NEXT DAY. So I spent nearly 20 hours in ONE day doing this project, got it done, and then nothing… Blah!
My CURRENT project, I have a feeling that the people who it’s designed for won’t be using it either. Even thought they’ve been in on the entire design process, I still think they won’t be using it once it gets impelented. :'(
Just makes me feel like my job isn’t really worthy of me. I really want to just get back to SysAdmin work or management or something. I wish that I could get into something like BT was doing here at WR. I could do a WAY better job then he ever did and I feel that having me in that posistion would make it worth the money that PHS was paying for it.
Oh well, what can I do. :'(
Please dont take this wrong, but perhaps you should take him off your buddy list so that you can’t see when he’s online? And take his phone number off your cell. Remove the reminders and you’ll eventually forget. If you want to keep them, take all the reminders, put them in a box (so back the digital stuff onto cd, then delete it from the comp), and put the box in storage for awhile. Someplace that isn’t completely accessible. Later on you can go back and get it and look it over, but that later date should be after you’ve moved on, so that you can look back and go, “man.. that was fun while it lasted.. oh well”, and not “man.. I love him so much, why can’t he be with me?”
And I’ve always heard that you have to be whole by yourself first before you’ll ever be a good partner for someone else. Sure, people need people, its a socialogical thing, we have to procreate to continue the species, etc, but up until we hit puberty, up until we had our first significant others, did we really NEED someone else so we could live our lives? It’s nice and all, but asking another person to support you when you can’t be self sufficient emotionally is asking a great deal. Yes, the other person should be supportive and etc, that’s what being partners is about, but.. like.. I think of it as a math equation. There is you = 1, and partner = 1. You are expecting partner to be 1.5 and you as .5, and there isn’t anyone who can do that ALL the time. Yes, sometimes they should be able to take on the added emotional burden when something happens (family dies, lost job, etc), but it’s completely unreasonable to ask them to do it 24/7/365.
I hope that all made sense.
It totaly makes sense…
And I’m not really in love with him, I never was… It’s more that I’m still REALLY pissed at him for being such an asshole.