21:58:21 squall0112: perhaps ill just copy and past you key parts
21:58:29 squall0112: its not like its anything you dont already know i dont think
21:58:29 blackc2004: lol
21:59:28 squall0112: So the events of Thursday night seem like a dream, it seems like maybe they’ve been forgotten too….
And such is life.
22:00:05 blackc2004: They haven’t been forgotten!
22:00:32 squall0112: i wrote that last sunday
22:00:41 squall0112: i thought you wanted to forget…
22:00:55 blackc2004: Well no matter when you wrote it…. They haven’t been… And I don’t want to!
22:00:59 blackc2004: Just so you know!
22:01:09 squall0112: ok
22:01:56 squall0112: wait i have more… lol
22:02:07 blackc2004: Ok
22:02:18 squall0112: Hanging out with Adam and Chris tonight was fun… but the problem is, I just want to be with Chris so bad and I feel I make it pretty obvious
22:02:25 squall0112: But sometimes… when we are driving and he looks at me through the rear view mirror, or when we are just looking at each other while others talk. Do I really see it? Do I really feel it when he hugs me? Or do I just tell myself that I do so that I don’t feel like such a dumbshit…?
22:02:50 squall0112: This is so stupid… I get so upset for no freaking reason… I mean, obviously I CAN’T be with Chris…
I don’t know why I just won’t accept it and move on. I just like him too much.
22:03:01 squall0112: Here I am, again, sitting home by myself, with no one to care for me and nothing to show….
Who needs boys anyway….? Not me, apparently…
Damn, this sucks.
22:03:06 blackc2004: You’re not telling yourself that.
22:03:16 blackc2004: Everyone needs bois!
22:03:20 blackc2004: GASP!
22:03:39 squall0112: what are you gasping about?
22:03:51 blackc2004: How dare you even things about giving up bois!
22:03:52 blackc2004: lol
22:04:10 squall0112: eh
22:04:29 blackc2004: And you have a reason to be upset.
22:04:39 blackc2004: But everything will be alright sometime!
22:05:21 squall0112: eh
22:05:32 squall0112: I hate it… I hate that I allowed myself to do this.. to me, to Chris, and to Adam. But I felt so *right* with Chris, I can’t explain it.
22:05:46 squall0112: I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I felt a real connection with him and everytime I realized that I couldn’t actually have him, I would just hold him closer. I just didn’t want to let go.
22:06:15 squall0112: It was just so wonderful, so wonderful to kiss him, so wonderful to have him hold me, and so nice to hold him.
22:07:04 blackc2004: ::wipes tears::
22:07:52 squall0112: im sorry
22:07:57 squall0112: i probably shouldnt of showed you that
22:08:13 blackc2004: It was VERY wonderful though, I just wish I could to more to make things better for you!
22:08:51 blackc2004: It’s fine! It’s very touching… Really it is.
22:09:09 blackc2004: And so true as well.
22:09:11 squall0112: it would be better if i could be with you……….. and per our previous discussions, it just isnt going to happen……..
22:11:04 blackc2004: http://www.cjbonline.org/poems/whatididntwant.php (I think that’s a good poem… I just hope it’s not too depressing)
22:12:26 squall0112: that is good…
22:13:39 blackc2004: Things will be good eventually…
22:13:51 squall0112: do you really think so?
22:13:52 blackc2004: What’s supposed to work out, always seems to work out.
22:14:28 squall0112: i guess
22:14:31 blackc2004: Yes, I do think so!
22:14:53 squall0112: well i just hope everything works out the way i want it to ..
22:15:05 squall0112: as selfish as that may sound
22:15:37 blackc2004: The greatest amount of happiness for the greatest amount of people…. Crazy Philosophy people!
22:16:41 squall0112: maybe we need to get more people involved in this to make that work
22:16:46 blackc2004: 22:13:43 acersai: I like how there’s no longer a YOU or and I in I love you…
22:14:00 blackc2004: lol
22:14:04 acersai: It’s been condenced into just LOVE…not love for me…just LOVE in general.
22:14:48 acersai: You should be able to paint in on billboards and sky write it.
22:16:51 blackc2004: If only he knew.
22:16:55 blackc2004: Yeah, perhaps we should!
22:17:14 blackc2004: Well we could Add scott in, that’d be another happy person when Adam and I break it up.
22:17:20 squall0112: i almost pity him…
22:17:38 squall0112: yeahlol
22:17:40 blackc2004: lol
22:18:12 blackc2004: I’m sure Dustin would be happier, cause we’d be better friends? Ummm…. I’m sure there’s more!
22:18:13 blackc2004: lol
22:18:18 squall0112: lol
22:18:27 squall0112: i feel terrible saying id be happier if you guys broke up, i really do
22:18:32 squall0112: but its my honest feeling
22:18:42 squall0112: in all honesty im a bit sick of being UNhappy
22:18:47 blackc2004: I know, and that’s alright to feel.
22:18:57 blackc2004: Everyone’s got to think of themselves sometimes.
22:19:13 blackc2004: And when it comes to your own happieness… You have to think of yourself all the time!
22:19:15 blackc2004: lol
22:19:30 squall0112: that sounds like something ive been telling you!!
22:19:33 blackc2004: lol
22:19:48 blackc2004: Don’t you love it when people twist your own words back on you!
22:19:49 blackc2004: lol
22:20:13 blackc2004: But you see… I rarley ever think of my own happiness. I think that’s my problem.
22:20:14 blackc2004: lol
22:20:37 squall0112: well i think you should start
22:20:45 blackc2004: I’m more all about the “What’ll make my life easier”
22:20:45 blackc2004: lol
22:20:47 squall0112: decide to youself “what is best for ME?”
22:21:08 squall0112: lol well that could work too… but happiness and easyality (is that a word) dont always go together
22:21:17 blackc2004: True.
22:21:39 squall0112: youre gonna break many a heart mr. black
22:21:47 squall0112: so you better grow those balls soon
22:21:48 blackc2004: But I don’t WANNA! ::whines::
22:22:05 squall0112: the best guys break the most hearts
22:22:09 blackc2004: lol
22:23:12 squall0112: i finished my update but its not really worth reading
22:23:19 squall0112: i just randomly wrtoe
22:23:28 blackc2004: I hate relationships… I’ll just be single my whole like and take home randoms… LIke Brian from QaF.
22:23:40 blackc2004: Anything you write is worth reading!
22:23:41 blackc2004: lol
22:23:51 squall0112: i think right now i am brian lol
22:23:54 squall0112: wheres my michael???
22:24:00 blackc2004: lol
22:24:47 blackc2004: Awwww. I’m sorry… ::there there::; (With head bobbing motions)
22:24:48 blackc2004: lol
22:25:01 squall0112: thanks lol
22:25:25 squall0112: ill be fine
22:25:34 squall0112: though another sleepover i feel wont help the situation lol
22:25:38 blackc2004: lol
22:25:42 blackc2004: You’re telling me…
22:25:47 blackc2004: But I guess we’re having one!
22:25:52 blackc2004: This weekend!
22:26:02 squall0112: adam was like “im going to work from 530 till like 11 so you and chris can just hang out at my house the whole time”
22:26:07 squall0112: i was like ‘uhhhh ok…’
22:26:30 squall0112: and he was like “dont do anything bad lol” and i was like “heh… heh… yah……”
22:26:35 blackc2004: lol
22:26:43 blackc2004: I bet that’s not EXACTLY how it went!
22:27:20 squall0112: nah i just said lol
22:27:24 squall0112: and then i said “quit it”