Sometimes I don’t know what I want. I love Adam, but he can be just so damn inconsiderate sometimes. I mean, like yesterday, he worked until 8, but never bothered to call me once he got off to see if I wanted to do something, you know that would have been nice if he would have fucking called, I would have gladly gone out for a couple hours, considering I sat around home all night waiting for him to call and get off work so that we could do something, and many times through out the night I got the idea in my head that… Maybe he’s not really working, maybe he just told me that so he could go out with people and not have to come back at 9 and then go back out. I feel as though I’m more of a burden then anything right now. Because he has to come home so early.
Then today, he just assumes that I don’t want to do anything, doesn’t even ask if I was going to be around before he called Missy and goes out with her. Thanks alot Hun..
Sometimes I wonder about them. I know Missy wants to have sex with Adam, I know how much she likes him. I fear that I may loose him. I’m scared about losing him to someone else.
::cries uncontroably in my office::
What’s happeneing in our relationship right now?? Do we want to continue? I don’t know. I know that I do. I love him, or at least that’s what I think this feeling I get when I leave him is love, or is it happyness to be away… I don’t know about that either. I feel as though I love him, I get jelious of him when he goes out with others, I get sad when I can’t see him, but I also get more pissed off when I can’t see him and when I don’t have that feeling of him there.
When he goes out without me, I feel as though he’s out there having fun and here I am stuck doing Hw, I resent him for that. I want him to at least make sacrafice to be around me, you know how much I’ve sat around his house waiting for him to do HW, or waiting for him to mow his yard, or waiting for him in general doing something. I wait because I love him and I’d rather spend that time sitting on his bed watching him do Hw, or messing with his bonsai’s then I’d rather spend out and about with friends….
That’s another thing is that with him spending all the time with our friends, they’re all going to think “Adam’s the fun one” and such like that, just the general contact will do that to them, they’ll forget about me and what I do when we all go out. They all already call him more then they call me. I wonder sometimes if they like me, or if they all just put up with me cause I’m there and they like Adam.
I sit in bed every night that I can’t go out with him crying, because I miss him, because I want to be out there, because… because of everything, I lay in bed crying.