My Life

Oct 2, 2001 #2

Oct 2, #2 [Bee Gees, Lonely Days"]

So I was talking to one of my "friends" today, and he said that

"You really have to want to be your friend to be able to be your friend."

I asked him what he meant by that and he said that I push people away, and

that I don’t act freindly to them. He said that I’m inconsiderate of other

people’s feelings, and that I have mood swings and that I’m always to busy

to go out with my friends. I don’t know, maybe he’s just being an ass, but

if that’s the way I am I feel really bad about that. I mean I don’t try

to be like that. I enjoy every moment that I spend with my friends. Sometimes

I don’t enjoy them as much as other times, but you know, that’s life. Now

I’ve been analysing all my freindships. I mean, I don’t really see as though

I do that. I try to connect with people and I try to make time for everyone.

For example. I know I haven’t had time to hang out with Mandy lately. That

doesn’t mean that I don’t want too. Every weekend I say to myself. I’m going

to call Mandy and hang out with her sometime this weekend, but you know,

two days just isn’t enough time. I feel really bad about that, I want to

hang out with people. I want more friends. I wish that I could be a person

that just randomly walks up to people and starts talking to them, but I

can’t do it. I’m always affraid that they’ll think I’m some loon and I can’t

deal with that. I just can’t. Fucking A.

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