Oct 2, #2 [Bee Gees, Lonely Days"]
So I was talking to one of my "friends" today, and he said that
"You really have to want to be your friend to be able to be your friend."
I asked him what he meant by that and he said that I push people away, and
that I don’t act freindly to them. He said that I’m inconsiderate of other
people’s feelings, and that I have mood swings and that I’m always to busy
to go out with my friends. I don’t know, maybe he’s just being an ass, but
if that’s the way I am I feel really bad about that. I mean I don’t try
to be like that. I enjoy every moment that I spend with my friends. Sometimes
I don’t enjoy them as much as other times, but you know, that’s life. Now
I’ve been analysing all my freindships. I mean, I don’t really see as though
I do that. I try to connect with people and I try to make time for everyone.
For example. I know I haven’t had time to hang out with Mandy lately. That
doesn’t mean that I don’t want too. Every weekend I say to myself. I’m going
to call Mandy and hang out with her sometime this weekend, but you know,
two days just isn’t enough time. I feel really bad about that, I want to
hang out with people. I want more friends. I wish that I could be a person
that just randomly walks up to people and starts talking to them, but I
can’t do it. I’m always affraid that they’ll think I’m some loon and I can’t
deal with that. I just can’t. Fucking A.