My Life

July 29, 2001

July 29, [Donna Lewis, "I’ll Love You, Always, Forever"]

Well tonight just hasn’t been good at all. Julian called here and said,

that Justin and Sandy weren’t coming untill tomorrow, so I’m like, ok wanna

do something. And he was like, yeah, let me call Mandy, so he called her

and then called me back and said he was going to go get her now and then

come get me. Well me being me, I got online and saw that Adam was on, and

of course without thinking, I asked him if he wanted to come. Well that

ended up being a bad idea for me. At the time it sounded good cause I was

in a better mood then I was earlier. So we went over a picked him up and

ended up at Jules house. Well we were watching movies, and I just couldn’t

stop looking at Adam and thinking, Damnit, I lost him. And that got me in

such a bad mood I just got up and left the room. Well sensed that I wasn’t

all there, so he came in and talked to me. I mean, I love him. And it hurts

to be around him, I don’t know why I keep calling him and going out with

him. I think since we ended it, We’ve spent more personal time together.

It’s odd. I told Ang once that I didn’t think I could ever be friends with

my ex’s cause I have these feelings and I have them for Adam yet. It’s hard

for me to be around them cause all those feelings come back, I see them

and it’s like, "That’s why I liked him so much" and it’s just

grrrrrrr. Make them go away, I really do want to be friends with Adam, I

really really do. But it’s soooooo hard. While we were talking I started

crying, cause it’s that hard. I think that kinda hit home with him. It let

him see how much this really does hurt me. It’s the first time I’ve cried

infront of someone in a long time. But it was nice to get it out.

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