July 29, [Donna Lewis, "I’ll Love You, Always, Forever"]
Well tonight just hasn’t been good at all. Julian called here and said,
that Justin and Sandy weren’t coming untill tomorrow, so I’m like, ok wanna
do something. And he was like, yeah, let me call Mandy, so he called her
and then called me back and said he was going to go get her now and then
come get me. Well me being me, I got online and saw that Adam was on, and
of course without thinking, I asked him if he wanted to come. Well that
ended up being a bad idea for me. At the time it sounded good cause I was
in a better mood then I was earlier. So we went over a picked him up and
ended up at Jules house. Well we were watching movies, and I just couldn’t
stop looking at Adam and thinking, Damnit, I lost him. And that got me in
such a bad mood I just got up and left the room. Well sensed that I wasn’t
all there, so he came in and talked to me. I mean, I love him. And it hurts
to be around him, I don’t know why I keep calling him and going out with
him. I think since we ended it, We’ve spent more personal time together.
It’s odd. I told Ang once that I didn’t think I could ever be friends with
my ex’s cause I have these feelings and I have them for Adam yet. It’s hard
for me to be around them cause all those feelings come back, I see them
and it’s like, "That’s why I liked him so much" and it’s just
grrrrrrr. Make them go away, I really do want to be friends with Adam, I
really really do. But it’s soooooo hard. While we were talking I started
crying, cause it’s that hard. I think that kinda hit home with him. It let
him see how much this really does hurt me. It’s the first time I’ve cried
infront of someone in a long time. But it was nice to get it out.