May 30, 2001

may 30, [fine young cannibals, "she drives me crazy"] so today’s

just been really really sucky. i spent this morning just packong shit and

going over all the knots and stuff that i have to know. yeah that wasn’t fun.

really not much has happened today, but i’ve been in a really downer mood.

my parents haven’t said anything to me but come eat and little shit like that.

i’ve tried talking to them both tonight and they just ignore me. alot of people

have been ignoring me lately. they really have. i feel so left out and alone,

in the middle of no where. i really do. i’ve been sitting here for the last

hour and a half or so. just waiting for people to pull into my drive way,

or hoping that someone will call. but no one’s around., and there’s nothing

to do. i’m agout ready to go crazy. i just want this to be over. i want out

of here. i want to be gone. my parents have been arguing all night about being

able to pay for college too. it’s like, you fuckers. you knew this was coming

why the hell havn’t you saved up for it or anything? [bee gee’s, "how

can you mend a broken heart"] and ya know they haven’t put in the fafsa

yet, so i really don’t feel sorry for them, the stupid bastards. and plus

i’m really getting pissed at them about the whole working thing too, i’ve

just been kinda listening to them, and they’ve been bitching about me not

working for the last year. and i jsut want so badly to fucking scream at them,

but how long have i been working, how much have i saved you so far because

you won’t pay for simple little things what i was younger, how much of MY

life has been wasted because you made me work in that god damn fucking store

and how much of my teenage life was wasted because i had to work at places

because you wouldn’t buy me a car, or pay for simple things that i needed.

they wouldn’t give me an allowance, they wouldn’t buy me little things that

i needed. they wouldn’t do shit for me. i’m really fucking surprised they’ve

even offered to pay for college and shit. [billy gilman, "another night"]

i jsut want to fucking scream at them right now, i really god damnit do. i

know i know, i’ve been using fucking alot again lately, but this is just really

damnit.

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