July 12, 2001

july 12, [gin blossoms, "follow you down"] ok well tonight was

great. i went over to hy-vee and sat with adam well he was on his break, one

of his other friends was there too. i forget her name now, but she was all

worried that she might be pregnant, and such, yeah, crazy, but then after

he got out of there we went to camp. it was cool fun. we got there just in

time to see the call out ceremony. yeah, good times seeing robert like that,

adam enjoyed it too, although the whole cult like stuff kinda freaked him

out i think. after that was over i had planned on taking him up to frankel

ridge and hanging out in the field up there and just talking the night away,

but it was starting to rain and there weren’t any stars so that plan kinda

got blown. so we went into tent city and adam met nathan, the really femm

guy at camp. and we went and found becky, but she was dead asleep, so we just

left her, and went and saw ben shepely. we talked to him a bit and such, then

they were going out for ice cream and we were going to go, but they wouldn’t

be back tell like 1 and that’s adam’s cerfew so that wouldn’t have been cool.

so we just came back and adam met nic, then we went back to hy-vee and hung

out there. in the car back though we had a little discussion about things,

again the whole touchy feely things. it was a bad conversation, i tried explaining

to him about it, and it’s like, well i feel really stupid writing this, but

sometimes when he’s there, i have to "adjust" myself. i dunno, it

was wierd telling him that and now but yeah. i got heat for that all night.

our whole relationship is kinda wierd, i like it, but it’s wierd. i don’t

really feel as though we know each other all that well, we know alot about

each other, but not alot. it makes sense in my head, so go with it. but i’m

really liken it this way, just kinda learn about each other as things go along.

neither of us wants sex, so we can go as slow as we want in things. it’s all

cool. really cool. but ya know, i think my head is moving the relationship

along more then what it really is. like tonight we were standing by his car

and i was just looking at him, and like half my head just wanted to kiss him,

and the other half was like saying, no you can’t do that we’re not ready.

so instead i just played with his cheeks and such, he’s got such an adorable

face, he really does, and in my head, that’s like a huge part of liking someone.

but yeah, and then i was like, omg. i don’t want to be like ryan, adam said

he hated when ryan did that, so then i kinda apoligized in my half wacko sort

of way. but yeah. i’m going to leave now before i dig a bigger hole.

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