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My Life

Dec 12, 2000

Dec 12 hehe, i’m doing this way to early, but o well. todays

been kinda a downer day. i haven’t gotten much done really, went to math,

that was fucking boring like normal so i won’t go into that. then i went to

programming an hour early and sat in that room and got all my notecards made

out for tomorrow, but now i just have to figure out how i’m going to say shit,

i have it all, i just need the order of it all. know what i mean. haven’t

seen or heard from danny since late sat night, i hope he’s alright, he made

some snyde (i think that’s the word) comment on sat night, i was watching

the fight on HBO, and i was like i don’t get how they score this. and he told

me, then i was like well you’ll just have to come explain this shit to me

more some time, and then he said “yeah the jock, is that what you’re

saying about me, that i’m a jock.” and then i was like “why you

say that” and then he said nothing i was just tugging your leg, but then

the next thing he said was, not going near that. so what’s he mean by all

this. he meant something, but he won’t tell me. damnit i love him. i want

to know what he’s thinking. why did he say that. fuck. i’ve been really sad

lately. i really don’t want to go “home” for the holidays, i just

want to go out and be on my own. i don’t want to face my family again, not

after all that shit at t-day. I’m really not looking forward to the holidays.

o yeah, i’ve been thinking alot lately about what i want to do with my life.

I’ve decided that if i end up with a nice guy, like a really long term thing,

i want kids. matt’s really helped me decide that lately. he’s so cute. lol.I’ve

also been thinking about my choise in careers. i think i might seriously think

about going into teaching, i think i would like that more then the private

sector of computers, but you know there’s always that mone problem. maybe

i can get a really good summer job or something. yeah. i don’t know, but o

pseaking of summer jobs, i’m thinking about going out of council for summer

work this year, that way i can be alittle bit of my self, but i would still

have to hide the REAL me. you know what i mean. but i know if i worked here

in council i would have to go as far as taking my ear ring out,cause the freaks

here are really homophobic. but some of the councils that i’m looking at like

The Cradle of Liberty they aren’t as stuck up about it. and that would be

cool to cause they have the FIRST every BSA camp out there and i’d also be closer to danny, only like an hour or so. that would be REALLY cool. but i

probobly won’t go out there, i’ll end up working at shitty ass Kum & Go

again or something knowing me. I HATE KUM & GO. wow i really wasn’t planning

on babbling this much. so i’ll go now, maybe i’ll write more later.

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