Author: Cj B

We hired a new girl a week ago. I got email from CEO requesting a “computer”. So we setup a normal desktop PC for her. I was up in Yuba last Tuesday and she requested a laptop. I ordered her a laptop. We have standards for these things. We have a standard desktop setup, we have a standard laptop setup. (15″, 4lbs)

On Friday the CEO was up in Yuba and started sending these emails about how he expects to have things ready on day 1 blah blah blah. I replied back that we DID have them ready, as he requested. UGH the new girl then emailed me basically saying “I expect to have my new laptop by Monday”. So Monday she comes, I give her the new laptop, she leaves my office. Then 10 minutes later I get email saying “this laptop is unacceptable, I need something that I can travel with”. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! It’s a laptop, you can travel with it. So she then checks in with me later in the day and asks “Did you order my laptop yet?”. I told her that I am waiting on approval since we’ve already spend $3,500 on new computers for her.

That evening I got an email from her again. “I’ll be back in the office on Wed and I need my new laptop ready when I get there”. STFU… Shit like that really pisses me off and people talking down to me like that is unacceptable. Just makes me not want to do anything around here TBH.

This past weekend I had a date with this cute tattooed asian guy (Wings). Dinner and a movie turned into a sleep over. It was fun and we’re hanging out again tonight for a gym date. He’s a nice guy and I enjoy talking to him. He loves astra already. We will see what happens. We went to Texas Roadhouse, that place was PACKED. I do not understand how it’s always so packed at that place. 1.5 hour wait for dinner. I should find out if that’s a franchise, maybe I should start one up!

Haven’t heard from Army in a week… whatever. Like I said, he’s just simmering and he can contact me when he wants. But I’m so turned off by his attitude. I need someone who’s going to give me attention, say nice things, be excited to talk to me, be happy to just hang out and watch movies, someone who wants to know and hear about how my day goes.. And most importantly, someone who’s supportive and says positive things.

I am so not an office working employee. I wish I had found a job in a more hands on field, something out and about.. I see no benefit to this job, no enjoyment, no final produceable product you can feel good about and the fact that the ONE BIG PROJECT i was hired on to do keeps getting pushed farther and farther out… It’s super annoying.

So this past weekend I had 3 dates in 3 days.

Friday I met this guy in Vacaville and we had a nice dinner. He was cool, very into outdoors but he smokes. Has a dog as well. I could see us hanging out and camping but nothing more.

Saturday I had a date with this Thai guy, who apparently is leaving the country in a few weeks anyway, so no reason to get too into him.

Sunday I met another guy and it was blah. Strike three!

Did a nice hike with Astra Sunday morning and that was fun.

There’s a lot of drama going on at work. New ORG structure and people don’t report to who they should, no one replies to anything. It’s a fucking mess.

I’ve been using some of the techniques from the Attached book on Army and they seem to be working a bit. We chatted last night about some stuff and also a few days ago. But for the most part I’m just sort of letting it simmer on the back burner and see what happens. He let me know last night that he’s coming on the 31st of May instead of the 28th and then leaving June 20th. This is sad because I had stuff planned for Memorial day week but since he’s not coming on Memorial day now all that is scrap. 🙁 He claims he’s hanging out with his grandma which actually means he’s getting drunk with his cousins in Lincoln.

Sunday I went to a tattoo shop in Berkely. I’m ready to get my first one but the guy was kind of a dick. He kept telling me my idea wasn’t right and blah blah blah and that I needed to do more research. So whatever. I’m going to stop at a different place in Sacramento today.

Last night at the gym there was this hot asian guy. I saw him talking to this latino guy. I got on grindr and the latino guy was on there for “Right now”. His pic was like 10 years old cause in person he was much older, fatter, uglier. The asain guy was pretty cute. Nothing like Gym Husband but decent. I messaged latin guy “Are you at 24hr with the cute asain guy?” He replied “Yep, that’s my fiance”. Ugh. Why can these ugly latin cheaters get cute asain guys! I mean the guy was fucking ON GRINDR WHILE HE WAS WITH HIS FIANCE!?!?

So this past weekend I went into the city and met up with Darin for dinner and shopping. Had a really good time. I enjoy hanging out with him. We walked around the city a bit, found a really yummy ramen place although the broth was a bit too fishy for me it was still enjoyable. I was on the hunt for some cute swim trunks for my trip to Palm Springs in April. I was unable to find anything cute.

We talked a lot of about Army, relationships in general, his issues with boys, why neither of us have relationships. We saw this super cute Asian/white couple holding hands.

He recommended I read this book called “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind – and Keep – Love”. I’ve read about 3/4 of the book so far and it’s really interesting. It’s made me realize that things will never work with Army. It’s also made me sad about how I’ve fucked up past relationships. The study is based on attachment styles of babies and how they translate into adult relationships.

I think that I used to be a secure attachment style. But I think over the past 7-8 years I’ve converted into an anxious attachment style (they say it’s caused by a major life change, for me. I think it’s either my grandpa dying or being poz, or both). Army is clearly an avoidant attachment. According to this book, those two would never work together (well, actually there’s another chapter in which it tells you how to make them work, but I don’t think we will ever work together). Again, I need to move the fuck on.

Speaking of Army. He’s in Mexico for spring break. Obviously I haven’t heard from him since Saturday when he left… I DOUBT you that had I messaged him first he wouldn’t have even said anything. Hell, he didn’t even say “Bye” or anything when he left to go there. I cannot deal with this level of horrible communication style.

Dealing with all this Army BS really makes me realize how badly I fucked it up with Calvin.

I flew to Forest City yesterday for work. I hate it here, it’s such a small town and everyone is so backwards and slow. The heater in my hotel room is crazy broken too. I set it to 65 last night before bed, woke up about midnight sweating to death. It had to have been over 80 in the room. I turned it off and opened the windows!

I’ve been feeling super romantic lately. I want someone who I can be romantic with, send random flowers/presents, cook dinner, go on cute walks, etc.

Been chatting with a few guys on OkCupid and Tinder but nothing major… Met another poz guy… But I doubt anything will come of that.

People keep telling me I should go talk to my gym husband. He seems gay but again, he’s probably not my type or once I tell him I’m poz he will not be interested, etc. Just another let down waiting to happen. It’s better to just fantasize.

Going to NC next week, not super excited about that but it should hopefully be an easy week at least and maybe I’ll actually be sort of busy. The week after that I’m doing a training class so I won’t be back in the office for two weeks.

Army has been very distant and quiet this week. I just don’t know with him. I mean I assume he’s just “Busy” with school things, but how hard is it to reply to people.

I’ve also been very on edge all week with people. Wednesday I had a meeting with some people and I nearly told someone to “shut up” in a business meeting. Would have been very bad if I did!

I got new glasses yesterday, I’m cute.

Going into the city tomorrow so looking forward to that. Maybe I’ll get on grindr for the first time in a month and see if I can get any action.

Anyway. I’m out!

Had a really good weekend, was very busy and tired…

Friday I left work early, as usual. Came home, walked the dog and then putzed around the house. I forget exactly what I did. Army called me randomly that night and we talked for 2 hours while he drove to Lincoln. He asked me a few random questions. 1) What did you think of me the first time we met. Which was hard to say because the first time we met, he was late to a movie, so he came into the movie theater, sat down, slept through the movie and then we left and he went home. 2) He asked me if I’m dating anyone else. Which again is a very odd question considering he specifically said a month ago “We’re not dating”. I told him I am going on dates, but I’m not “dating” anyone. He then followed up with, “but are there any other pookies”. To which I said no. 3) we talked a lot about him coming here for the summer, which it seems like that might actually end up happening. It will be very weird if it does happen considering I have no fucking clue what it is he wants out of me, or him being here for the summer. He was making plans already for how he will get his car here and back home. And again he’s being shipped off for Army stuff in September, so WTF?

Didn’t hear from him again until Sunday afternoon… I’ll get to that in a minute.

Saturday I worked on a project then went out shopping with this guy. We went over to Berkley area but didn’t find anything I wanted to buy. Found a few cute pieces of furniture I want to try and replicate when I have time. I really want to try and make better furniture. Came home after that and just hung out at the house and watched a movie. The roommate was home that night too and for some reason he was being super cute and I wanted to cuddle.

Sunday I got up early and Astra and I did this beautiful 6 mile hike over in Martinez. I picked it out the night before but that morning I was reading the reviews and everyone was complaining about all the ticks, so I was a bit nervous about going but decided to go anyway. We got there by 8am and it was cold and we were the only ones there. I left Astra off leash and she ran and ran and ran and had a great time. At one point we were up on the top of the hill though and she saw a deer and TOOK OFF. I started chasing her and spent probably 30 minutes looking for her. She finally came running back as if nothing happened. I put her on leash after that!

Once we were done with the hike I went down to Martinez down town. Found they have some REALLY CUTE old houses and a very cute down town. I sort of feel like I should move over that way! It’s super adorable. Walked around, they had a farmers market, bought a crepe. Yum! Did some antique shopping.

My trailer rental was being returned that afternoon so I drove over to meet them. Apparently the water heater started leaking on the trip and flooded the trailer! So I took it home and repaired that. While I was working on that was when Army called again. It was about 4pm his time and he was driving home. He told me about his weekend and how he just got really drunk, almost got another tattoo, etc. Kind of made me upset because I hate when people get SUPER drunk. Also I was super annoyed that he was just MIA all weekend again. I think he picked up on the fact that I was annoyed cause we only talked for about 15 minutes then he said “I’m super hung over and am just going to drive”. I txted him a few hours later and said “Make it home yet”. It’s still unread.

This is exactly why nothing will ever come between the two of us, so I have no idea why I am still stringing along with him. When we’ve talked in the past, he always says he’s broken up with his ex’s because they cheat on him. Well if he treats his ex’s anything like what he treats me I can see exactly why they do cheat on him.

Pasta and I got into a tiff the yesterday as well. He’s been “dating” this guy Apple for like over a year now. I’ve been trying to tell him he needs to get his act together and not fucking it up. He needs to be honest about what he wants and needs to get over whatever his hang up is with relationships.

Anyway… I’m out.