My Life

Attachment Styles

So this past weekend I went into the city and met up with Darin for dinner and shopping. Had a really good time. I enjoy hanging out with him. We walked around the city a bit, found a really yummy ramen place although the broth was a bit too fishy for me it was still enjoyable. I was on the hunt for some cute swim trunks for my trip to Palm Springs in April. I was unable to find anything cute.

We talked a lot of about Army, relationships in general, his issues with boys, why neither of us have relationships. We saw this super cute Asian/white couple holding hands.

He recommended I read this book called “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind – and Keep – Love”. I’ve read about 3/4 of the book so far and it’s really interesting. It’s made me realize that things will never work with Army. It’s also made me sad about how I’ve fucked up past relationships. The study is based on attachment styles of babies and how they translate into adult relationships.

I think that I used to be a secure attachment style. But I think over the past 7-8 years I’ve converted into an anxious attachment style (they say it’s caused by a major life change, for me. I think it’s either my grandpa dying or being poz, or both). Army is clearly an avoidant attachment. According to this book, those two would never work together (well, actually there’s another chapter in which it tells you how to make them work, but I don’t think we will ever work together). Again, I need to move the fuck on.

Speaking of Army. He’s in Mexico for spring break. Obviously I haven’t heard from him since Saturday when he left… I DOUBT you that had I messaged him first he wouldn’t have even said anything. Hell, he didn’t even say “Bye” or anything when he left to go there. I cannot deal with this level of horrible communication style.

Dealing with all this Army BS really makes me realize how badly I fucked it up with Calvin.

I flew to Forest City yesterday for work. I hate it here, it’s such a small town and everyone is so backwards and slow. The heater in my hotel room is crazy broken too. I set it to 65 last night before bed, woke up about midnight sweating to death. It had to have been over 80 in the room. I turned it off and opened the windows!

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