July 2, 2001 #2

july 2, #2 [dropkick murphys, "amazing grace"] ok well we’ll see

how this goes and how well i keep my concentration. yesterday was pretty good.

i went into work about 9:45 so i oculd fill out the papers and such, but she

didn’t have any copies. so i just went to work. i tried clocking in and it

said "this employee has been terminated" and it wouldn’t let me

clock in. damn thing, so i just wrote down my hours. they better have it fixed

by today. i worked, it was work. i was with mandy, brad and sylena most of

the day. they were ok. mandy was getting to me though cause i would keep trying

to explain something to her about how it’s supposed to be done based on what

the home office says, and she just wouldn’t even listen to me, she’d get all

bitchy, and it’s like, yes mandy i realize that different managers do things

differently. but even though you’ve been here longer in the short run of things,

i’ve been here longer in the long run of things. and i know how the store

is supposed to be run, and what is supposed to be done. so yeah, we just stayed

out of each other hair for most of the day. then at 2 sylena and brad left,

so it was just me and mandy. nic and cat were supposed to be in at 3 and mandy

and i were supposed to be off at 5, but cat didn’t show up and nic had just

crossed his hours off and not told anyone and hand’t found anyone to work

for him, so mandy and i were stuck working a 13 and 11 hours shifts, repectivly.

that was not fun. about 9 adam and julian came and got me from work and we

went out. that was fun. i wasn’t in the best of moods last night, but i had

fun. i enjoy being out with people, even when i’m not in a good mood. but

yeah. i dunno. it’s just people have been getting to me lately. like when

i see some cute guy, i’ll say "oh hello" or something like that

and i’ll point him out or something. but ya know that’s as far as it goes.

it’s like hello, cute guy, bubye cute guy, it’s not like i remember them and

obsess over them or anything. but people have been really big jerks about

it lately. like they make comments that all i want is sex and that’s so not

true. what i want now is a bf. i don’t want anything else. sex is millions

of miles down the road. i want someone that’s there that i can talk to, someone

that i can hold thier hand when i go out, someone that i can bring home and

say "hey mom, dad, this is my bf, deal" lol, but really. it’s starting

to get to me how they do that, the whole thing when i point out guys. and

then there’s the whole thing about adam too. i mean i like adam, he’s cute,

he’s funny, he’s what i would want in a bf. but right now we’re just friends.

we hang out. and people have been blowing it way out of porportion. like the

other night when justin was here. i kept wanting to go to the loop, and everyone was like, yeah so you can see adam, and it’s like NO damnit. i want to go

to the loop cause i enjoy hanging out down there, i might not know many people,

but in case you hadn’t noticed, i like to just hang there and watch people.

i don’t get in the conversation i watch it. i watch it develop, i watch where

it’s going, i just watch it and i watch the people. how they act, etc. if

i feel that i have something that will benifit the conversation i’ll interject

it. most of the time i do have something though and i just keep it to myself,

but yeah. i mean. grr. i like adam, i really do like him. but he’s just a

friend and that’s all it’ll be. and people need to realize that.

July 1, 2001

july 1, [enrique englesias, "rythm divine"] well tonight just keeps

gettin better and better. well to start today hasn’t been the greatest. bennett

randomly showed up at my house today, my mom’s been bitchy about shit, and

yeah, not good day. then about 6 or so julian IMed me and we like, dean wants

to come tonight you wanna go pick him up. and i was like sure. but then mandy

and vero showed up here. and mandy started bitching about going to altoona

to pick him up, that just got to me. i was like damnit, if you don’t want

to go we could drop you off somewhere, or you ahve your car here so you don’t

ahve to go. and plus ya know, you’re not driving there so there’s really no

big deal. but yeah, we went to xaks and he was home so we dropped mandy off

there and went to altoona with me jules and vero. we got dean came back and

everyone was waiting at the park, well some people were, the rest of them

had gone to subway to get food. so we had to wait around and wait for them.

that wasn’t to bad, then we went ot kum and go, and i don’t know what all

was up there, but we had to hang around there forever. we ran into link and

he went and got nic then they came back and nic was being weird. i didn’t

really care so i didn’t get into it, it was nic being nic. we finally got

out of polk city at like 8:30 i was angered by that. i was like damnit. lets

go. then we went to ames to see someone that i don’t know, i didn’t really

have a problem with that, but it was mostly a waste of time, cause yeah. but

i could stand it. then we went to java joes. it was good times there. then

we went to the loop, the cops were there cause i guess there was another fight,

so we left and went back to java joes. people have been really gettin on my

nerves lately. especially about adam, tonight i’ve just been like lets go,

lets go, cause i was gettin bored just sittin around and plus mandy was in

a pretty bitchy mood and that just brought me down some and yeah. but yeah

about the whole adam thing. i mean i like him and shit, and i’m planning on

asking him out. but people have just been buggin the crap out of me, it’s

like damnit, just leave it alone. i don’t really care if i have his phone

number, i don’t care if i see him. i wanted to go to the loop to see people.

if he was there, i would have talked to him, but that’s all damnit. grrr.

and then i just got home and danny sent like 3 e-mails to me, they are fucking

ass long and i haven’t read them all but the last one said: "We need

to talk well that is if you actually want to since were not in a fucking relationship

anymore as you say" and it’s like god damnit, i don’t need this tonight.

i want to talk to him, but yeah. not tonight. grrr. there’s so much going

on in my head i need to go to bed now. night all.

June 30, 2001

june 30, [foreigner, "died in your arms tonight"] omg so the last

two days ahve been so great. well last night was the same as normal, hung

out with people then went to the loop. after we left thought there was alot

of excitment there. there were people there with baseball bats and such wanting

to beat people, i guess there were alot of police and shit there. it wasn’t

good i hear. but tonight, omg, tonight i’m in heaven again. well ang is leaving

for cali this morning at 3:30 in about 2 hours actually. but yeah. we went

to her house and it was just me and her and adam for a while, and we watched

movies then xak and vero showed up and we watched more movie and played other

various games. adam drew charictchers (sp) of everyone, he’s a good artisit.

i wish i could draw, then we left there about 10:30 and went to the loop.

ryan was there, the guy that hangs all over adam, and he was hangin all over

him and kissing him and shit, so we left to go to the bathroom at java joes,

we went there and adam was like, ok tonight you’re my bf, i was like, OMG

yes. lol. i can’t believe those words came out of his mouth, ya know i know

it’s just cause he wants ryan off him, but yeah. i was like, bu yeah. lol.

so we went back to the loop and shit and had a great time there, adam told

ryan that i was his bf and ryan i think got pissed about that cause he left

and didn’t say anything to him again the whole night. but yeah. i was happy.

adam’s so damn cute and funny and and and, omg yeah. i could actually date

him. i could.

June 28, 2001

june 28, [alanis morissette, "mary jane"] omg tonight’s been so

great. ang called here about 7, i was in the shower so my parents took a message

and came and got me out of the shower, i called her as i was getting dressed

and she was like, wanna come to church with me, and i was like, "ok"

thinking: ‘as long as i get to see adam’ lol. but yeah, i went there, it was

damn boring, just like church. some guy was there too and he was like, "lets

pray for our president" and i was like, hell no. he pissed me off. then

after that ang and i went to adams and picked him up. that was cool. then

we came back to my house and watched a movie, i didn’t really watch it that

much. i was more interested on what was on the couch next to me, ohh yeah.

adam is so cute. sooooooo cute. lol. i’ll have to see if ang can get a pic

of him or something. but ok, well ang had to go home at 11 cause her mom was

being a bitch, so after that adam and i went to the loop. that was cool ass

shit. we hung around there, lots of cute guys, but all way to femm for me.

there was this drag queen there that adam knows and he was hanging all over

adam and i was like, yeah, let me hang all over him for a while. but oh, i

did get to hold adam’s hand for a while, i was in heaven. lol. but adam and

i talked a while and had a nice conversation about stuff. it’s all cool. damn

he’s soooooooo cute and so nice too. i need a bf, i need one NOW.