Like Chris said, this weekend has been very emotional but also very good.
Nothing really happened Friday taht I won’t update about in my normal journal. We just went out and had a good time and saw Legally Blonde which is the best movie, so uber cute! I wish I was her! lol
Saturday was also a good day. Chris came over and we spent a lot of time here packing and stuff. That was very stressful on me. I basically just went through my clothes, then realized I had a keyboard I could sell, and yeah. So we called around, I sold it for 15 bucks, eh whatever, it’s money right? But yeah a few times I had to just sit on the bed and hug and kiss Chris b/c it was just too much for me to be packing, it’s all coming too soon!
Then we went bowling and that was fun and we bet that whoever lost bowling would pay for dinner. For some reason I bowled really good, and ended up with a fairly decent score. And yeah so then we went to the new porn store, which was also fun. The guy was VERY nice and that was fun and there was lots of porn so that was good too lol.
After that, we went out to dinner at this buffet place and it was really pretty good, I enjoyed the food. Topher paid, since he lost bowling and I spilled my drink all over the wall since I’mdumb.
After that we went home to his house andhung out. We hot tubbed for awhile but the bugs were really getting a bit too much, so we broke and went inside. It sucks that there are so many bugs b/c I really like to hot tub. Anyways.
We went inside and started doing stuff like usual. Rimmed Topher and did other stuff too, we just had a good time. I told him that I wanted to make love to him. I was ready and I wanted to express my feelings for him. So I told him, and he didn’t say anything so I thought that was weird and I didn’t know what to think. After awhile he told me that he loved me, and I said it back. And then eventually we got to a position where it was easily accessible and I went in and we had sex for the first time. It was really amazing, all the feelings that were going on. Like Chris said, indescribable.
After awhile we both jacked off and came. Then we kissed and stuff and went downstairs. Immediately I felt bad. I didn’t regret anything, but it was a much bigger deal to me than I thought it would be. And then it didn’t seem like Chris felt the same way and I got really upset. Like as soon as we were downstairs he said something like “oh yeah I was so close to cumming, IF you hadn’t of pulled out.” and all I could think was “Well I’m so sorry that you feel that way, I was more into the emotions of the thing than the physical pleasure.” And he made a few jokes about it during the subsequent night/day and I just felt bad, like all he wanted out of the deal was a good fuck. But we did talk about it last night and it was all straightened out and I knew all along he didn’t feel like that, but it was just hard not to think so, plus I was really stressed from the packing thing and so I was just blowing things up.
So we watched Sister Sister and the Proud Family and then went to bed. We slept pretty good and when I woke up my back didn’t hurt so that was good. But yeah, we had a good Sunday too, although a bit more emotions again b/c I was packing a lot. So that was bad, but we took lots of pics of stuff for Ebay and I’m hopefully gonna sell it all. I really need to! I need the money bad. So we walked around the lake for a little bit, that was nice, I just wish there weren’t any people there… or bugs for that matter. Just me and Topher and a nice path and no bugs or other people. That would be sweet.
Picked up Jenny, blah blah didn’t do much, just hung out with them. Chris was sassy to Ginny.. I think she liked it though. lol.
That night we were emotion filled again. laying on my bed, I apologized for being weird all day and that’s where we talked about the whole sex thing. I think I was also weird b/c I wanted us to talk about it and stuff before it happened but then it just did and it was all so fast and then suddenly we’d had sex for the first time. but I don’t regret it… I haven’t had a lot of sex at all, like really not at all, but that was the most meaningful sexual thing I’d ever done with a person. I was very happy to be sharing it with my Topher, he means so much to me. He eventually had to leave, it was sad but we both knew it was coming. So we started saying goodbye, and eventually he left and it was sad and I miss him.
But just one more day and then I’ll get to see him again. And then we get a whole weekend together, and potentially by ourselves. But that’s a whole other situation.