Our First Argument

Well, Kellie and I had our first real argument… On Saturday night we went out to see The Wiz with Andrew, Steve, Matt and some other guy(?). While we were waiting to get into the show we were talking about the new apple vision and I had sent Andrew a TikTok earlier that day of people using it.

I said to kellie, have you seen the tiktoks yet? And he said “No”, so I scrolled back through the conversation with Andrew to show it to him. He got all pissed off for two things
1) I had sent Andrew a picture of my outfit before I left home asking him if it was cute.
2) Kellie was pissed off because I didn’t send HIM the TikTok but instead sent it to Andrew and he felt “stupid”.

Honestly, these two things are just such an expression of insane anxiety and it’s SO OVER THE TOP. So I brushed him off and basically told him it was insane that he was upset over those two things.

BUT the good news is that we TALKED about it. There were a few points during the argument where I was like “Fuck, it’s another Charles”. Kellie would just sort of shut down and stop talking but when I asked him to elaborate or talk more, he said “I just need a second to process my feelings” And he would sit there and then talk more about the problem.

Kellie is great. But he’s HELLA anxious. Even at JP Saxe, he got a little grumpy that I was “looking around”.

Anyway, we had a great Sunday together, we even meal prepped again which was super cute.

I ran into Serge (Charles’ roommate) at the gym Sunday. We talked for nearly an hour. It was good/refreshing to hear that he sees the same issues I had with Charles. He even told me that he scolded him for the way he treated me when I picked up Astra. For not asking me how the trip was and for not getting up off the couch to say goodbye. Serge said he told Charles he was an “asshole” to me. (his word) but I agree.

Honestly, made me feel good to hear that he’s pushing him and telling him off. He needs to hear that.

Serge said he wanted to meet for drinks sometime.. I’m honestly not sure how I feel about this. It’s the same with Jim, he keeps asking me to go to dinner. But I don’t know how I feel about keeping these connections to Charles open. I am sort of at the point where I just want to shut the door, move on, be happy with Kellie. But part of me also wants to keep that door cracked, so that we can be friends in the future. I need to process how I feel about that more.

Kellie even said he had a dream the other night that we were old and my dementia was setting in and I kept calling him Charles.. That I had never gotten over or moved past him.

Speaking of old friends, I forgot to mention that on my birthday Jason texted me happy birthday. I never replied. That is a door that’s firmly shut.

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