BVI’s, JP Saxe

Back from my birthday trip. It was a lot of fun. We had two days of terrible weather with rain and winds up to 45knts which was super stressful trying to navigate through. But I think that everyone still had fun. The other days were nice and we spent a lot of time just hanging out, swimming, snorkeling, etc. It was good to have them all around but of course. I missed you know who while I was there. Everyone said we should make this a yearly event. So we’ll see if we can make that happen.

Came back and Kellie was an 45 minutes late picking me up from the airport cause he fell asleep. I was super pissed but whatever. He brought me a cake which was sweet.

Nothing much else has been going on TBH. Kellie and I have been going well of course, there have been a few minor annoyances with his super anxious attachment. But we talk it out and things move forward.

Last night was the JP Saxe concert. I met him in person and had no idea what to say to him. It was SUPER awk. While I was standing in line, all I could think of was Charles standing there with me, holding my hand. Squeezing it the way he does in nervous excitement. I could just imagine how excited he would have been to meet JP. Everyone got a couple minutes to sit and talk to him. I just met him, introduced myself and then asked for a pic. I didn’t know what to say. “Yeah, My ex bf who broke my heart introduced me to your music and every time I hear it, I cry my eyes out”. I don’t think that’s the kind of message he’s looking for before a show.

Of course, after the show I was a little drunk and wanted to call him so badly. James replied with “it would’ve been a bad idea 😬”…. I assume that means he had a boy with him or something.

Why after all this time does he still hurt my heart so much. I went and picked up astra the other day after the trip and he didn’t even fucking ask how the trip went. Just kinda sat there awkwardly. He doesn’t care about me. He says he wants to be friends but when we hang out he doesn’t act like it. He doesn’t invite me or include me to anything. He doesn’t reach out and just say “hey, how are you”. So why can’t I fucking get past him.

In other news, my cousins are apparently trying to sue my mother over my grandma’s estate. Fucking greedy ass shit.

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