My Life

The concern

As always, HIV comes back to be a concern. Every single time…

Last night we hung out, he came over after school and a hair cut (HE GOT A PERM!) and had dinner then went to this drunken movie night thing in Oakland. The movies were just these shorts that were kinda weird, kinda funny. It was fun. Derik came along and I think he was a bit annoyed that Charles and I were all over each other (like holding hands, not like making out).

We got home around 10:30ish and Charles and I just went to bed. Started to watch a movie but then the topic came up about sex. He started with: “I really like you a lot….” but, there’s always a but. My therapist says we really need to move to AND! AND something positive.

But of course, it was something NEGATIVE about being POSITIVE. He basically said he was scared and unsure about things. He’s not that educated in HIV and what not. So we talked a little bit about it. I tried to tell him what I could about U=U, but you know. I’m not expert. (Also, every time I type U=U it’s REALLY annoying because I have a short cut that coverts U to YOU. LOL). Anyway, we talked, he said he wants to continue things just needs to learn more about it. We went to sleep and cuddled all night long.

I had some really fucked up dreams last night too. I had one where I was walking around like DC or something and I went to some “important person’s house” (that’s what it was labeled on the map) and I took a backpack from their house. I was walking around DC with it and opened it and realized it had BOMBs in it! So I took the bombs and threw them in the trash. Super weird.

Then I had another dream that I went to a tattoo place and asked for tattoo, any tattoo…. They did a birthday cake in the middle of my back. Even more super weird.

I’m here at the house now, just taking care of some stuff before the realtor gets here for an open house today. I honestly don’t know why she is even doing one today because she hasn’t sent out the marketing stuff yet. It just got posted on MLS 1 hr ago. How many people are really going to come see it the first day it’s open?

I’m honestly kind of sad. The work that’s been done to make it ready for market has honestly been those final touches that really makes it FEEL like home. I honestly wish I had done these things earlier and maybe I would have stayed in the place. But… on the other hand, I have to remember that when I lived here, I was so disconnected from everything/everyone.

I’m super excited about things with Charles but I”m trying to keep it low-key and just let things materialize. I honestly want to see him every day, but I know I have to hold back a bit still. It’s not even been a MONTH.

In other news, Suresh is a dick face. Why was I so infatuated with this bitch? I honestly don’t get how you can be on Instagram constantly but not fucking reply to any text messages. Honestly, if he ever does finally reply, do I just ignore him? I’ve moved on at this point.

It’s Friday, I have no plans. Is that ok?

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