So, first it was boys who I like just randomly up and disappearing and not talking to me… and NOW it’s friends! OMG! You might remember the other day I talked about how Hector just randomly blocked me… Well I messaged him again and got an answer…
You didn’t do anything and I apologize for the deleting and the blocking and shit. I was just upset.
I don’t play games and I don’t mean to make people upset but I just wanted to think for a weekend.
I really like you. I like your morals, your ambitions, your work, your humor, everything. It made me so jealous to hear you talk about Mayko and pining over him. If he only knew how lucky he was (is?) to have someone like you wanting him, talking about him nonstop and all that. I also didn’t want to be one of those guys to hear the “But Were Such Good Friends” Speech knowing that while friends are nice to have, I want to find a guy to date on a grander level than what I have been experiencing.
I knew after Wednesday I was getting too close and sooner or later I would hear that speech. That was one of the things I had to think about.
(1) Do I continue to be his friend and hope he returns my feelings one day?
(2) Do I continue to be his friend and snap one day and confess all this in person and get that speech?
(3) Do I realize my feelings won’t be returned but continue to be friends while he talks about his other boys, dates, heartaches, etc?
(4) Do I realize my feelings won’t be returned and just quit now while I’m ahead?
This probably makes me sound insane but after the # of boys that have pissed me off, I start streamlining my thinking process and subsequent decision.
I guess I just got to close when there was no reason too and it scared me/pissed me off that I was wandering down that road again.
Anyway. I knew I owed you an explanation. Sorry it came so late.
UGH! So now it’s people that I just wanted to be friends with disappearing. OMG. Seriously though. There are a lot of people who I really like and enjoy benig around but I know that I can’t be more then just friends with them. I don’t just up and block them and stop hanging out with them. I make the best of the friendship we have! This is totally not the way to go about things. So annoying.
And then yesterday like three people from my past just randomly IMed me wanting to talk. First it was this Stephen guy from Chapman, then some other random, and then VegasMike.. So strange! Stephen and I are going to hang out sometime next week.
Lets see, not too much else to do. I got my student ID and a welcome letter from SMC already in e-mail. So I guess that means that I can sign up for the class…
Working out of Newport thursday. Just wasn’t in the mood to sit in that dark annoying Santa Monica office. That night it was too damn cold to go riding and looked like rain, so I stayed home and Nic came over. We watched Dirty Love. That was fun, very funny movie. He got his goodnight kiss. He’s a nice enough guy, but not “book smart” in his words. Plus we haven’t done anything but sit around my apartment and talk and hang out. I need more activity!
Got an e-mail from our answering service the other day.. It said that the client “Defrogged the internet”… I’m going to start telling everyone to defrog the internet, apparently it makes it go faster!
70% of Americans disapprove sending more troops to Iraq.. How in the HELL can Bush think that’s a good idea. What a fucking idiot.