So I’m not entirely what to say in this private update.

The making out thing. I understand where Chris is coming from. Because sometimes I want to make out with other people too. And I know that I have made out with several other people before, but now it’s different. It’s like.. I just want to. Since I’m in college and stuff. Plus, Casey keeps getting right on top of me, and puts his face practically in mine, and it just tempts me b/c he’s cute. Kinda how Justin tempts Chris.

But yeah.. I think it would be ok if he wanted to make out with someone else. And the reason I think it’s ok is b/c I can totally understand where he’s coming from. I sometimes want to make out with other people too. Specially since him and I cannot make out at this point. But if we did, of course I would want us to change our relationship status to “open”, b/c if we didn’t, that would mean we were cheating on each other and that isn’t good of course. But I just don’t know how to feel about it all. I would rather us do it and not tell each other, but he would rather we did. I think telling each other would make us jealous and stuff. Specially if he was hooking up more than I was and vise versa. And I really want him to top as well. I obviously want to stick to my guns and not give it up that easily, but I do feel bad that he doesn’t get to. B/c I know he really likes to, and it makes me sad that he can’t. So I guess he could do it to someone else and that would be ok. Though ideally it would be in a 3 some setting, with me, that just isn’t possible at the moment. So I want him to satisfy his desires and just do it.

On another hand, I’m very proud of him for going out this weekend. I know that going out was much better that him sitting alone in his apartment and contemplating the fact that i’m gone. So yay for my honeypies.

And speaking of that, I feel bad sometimes, like I’m not missing him enough. I miss him, of course, but not to the extent that I think I won’t make it through the next day. Like tonight, when he was upset that we hadn’t been talking. Well, I feel like we have been talking a good enough time. The other days ont he phone, we hardly had anything to talk about it felt like. Maybe I’m just making this all up. But I still feel bad about feeling like I don’t miss him enough. I don’t really know. Like I really miss him, but I think I will make it through the 60 days just fine, probably without any tears. And that makes me feel bad.

That’s about it I think. As more happens, and as I can figure out more stuff, I’ll write more.

I’m cold too, just FYI.

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