And here it is..

The update about what happened yesterday. Which was nothing good. It was pretty much a rollercoaster ride…unfortunately it only had a slight uphill track, and a long and steep downhill one.
So yeah we all decided we were gonna drink as a big end of the year thing like yay we did it, our first semester is over! So that’s what it started out as. Now, Chris doesn’t like it when I drink. And I have stopped myself from drinking several times this semester because of him. But this one time I wanted to. And he did not want to concede to me. We started out talking online, and he wanted to ignore it, but I pursued it anyway. That started causing problems. I called him b/c he left me an IM message saying “I see wher emy feelings rank” or something like that.
So I called him and we got into this huge screaming match that lasted for an hour. it was horrible. Neither of us were willing to concede this time. I thought that he was trying to control me, and he thought my wanting to get drunk ranked over my feelings for him (which isn’t true). Anyways, it was just this huge spat and I got really upset b/c he threatened to not let me stay with him over break. He says it wasn’t a threat, but I took it as one. I couldn’t believe my ears when he was saying that. And reading his journal this morning, where he said “if we had fought yesterday morning as we did last night, it would have been the end” I was even more upset. So it was just bad. The screaming, the fighting. A bit more than I could handle. And it sucked b/c we didn’t even get anything resolved.
So after him and I finished fighting, I was uber pissed. So Lisa and I walked around, stopped in some people’s rooms and talked. I just stood around being pissy. No one really asked what was wrong, and that annoyed me too. But whatever.
Eventually we made our way to 211, and Henley Adam gave us a shot. So that was my 1st and it was something disgusting. After that, we went to Rachel’s room and hung out for a bit. Eventually she broke out her alcohol. By this point, I was still uber pissed at Chris, and in mymind had come up with a demented plan to “get back” at him, even though I really had nothing to get back for. And my plan involved drinking A LOT, to show that he doesn’t control me. And obviously my plan hideously backfired on me. Anyways, Rachel, Lisa, and Sarah went to get Sprites, and I asked Rach if I could take a shot of her stuff. She said ok. So while they were gone.. I took 4.
Bad idea.
Eventually they came back, and Ro and Brook came in. I started feeling it, so I just layed ont he floor and talked to Ro and Brook. That was good times, we all just sat around and talked and shit. Then Sarah kept telling me to keep drinking this Sprite that was mostly alcohol, and since I was drunk I did. So that made me even drunker. By then I was pretty gone and had decided I had had enough, I’d proved my point and I was finished.
Natalie came eventually and we just all hung out. Where I broke my promise to myself and took one more shot. It was ironic because right before this all started I was talking to Laura Henson and she was tellin gme about Bacardi Razz or something like that… and then Nat had it. It was jst random. So for that reason (Laura said it was really good) I took a shot of that.
After that it was almost 12, and Lisa and I went to 211 to say hi. Everything was spinning and I knew things weren’t going so well. I don’t remember walking to the room, but I remember being on the floor in the room, and Pralle Adam gave me a hug. Then Lisa and I came upstairs, and I knew I was done for the night, so I told her I was just gonna go to my room.
So She opened the door for me, and I pretty much just fell into my bed. Kyle adn Danny were asking what was happening. I just layed thre for awhile, then felt sick, so I went to the bathroom.
Where I stayed for the next 2 hours, throwing up. It was a very horrible experience, and that’s what I get for doing something just to spite someone. I take it too far and end up having this happening. It was one of those “I can’t even open my eyes b/c the toilet spins around me” type things. H O R R I B L E.
However, Allison, and my roomies were being very very good about it. They took care of me for the most part. Allison would come in and rub my back, and talk to me. I kept apologizing to everyone for doing this and saying how sorry I was. At one point, I just broke down and started bawling while Allison was in there. I talked a lot about Chris and how great he is, and how stupid I am for doing all this to him. I felt so stupid. I went on crying and rambling for awhile. I kept downing tons of water. In like a half hour-45 minute period, I seriously drank 3 bottles of water. And then threw it all up. but it was what I needed.
It was just really bad. At one point, I was on my back on the floor and I couldn’t stop shaking and my teeth couldn’t stop chattering. I was freezing. And I thought I had to go to the bathroom at one point, so I was sitting on the toilet and thought I was gonna throw up, so I took our garbage box and put it on my legs and threw up into it. And the throw up went straight through the box and onto my legs. Which was uber disgusting.
Anyways Allison got me new clothes. Eventually, at like 2:15, I was somehow able to stand up. I waited until I felt stabalized, and then walked to my bed, just fell on it, and went to sleep. And that was the end of my horrible night.
Kyle and Danny were really good too. They helped Allison get me up when I couldn’t myself, and Danny went and bought me waters so that I could keep drinking them. Also, Danny would periodically knock on the door and say something like “How you doing champ?” I thought it was very nice of both of them, though this morning, I apologized profusely and thanked them for helping out and being so understanding. They are really good guys. Neither of them seemed mad or upset or anything so that was good.
Anyways today I’ve done nothing. I packed, got a haircut, and talked to Chris. Things with us are much better, which is good. We may still have some talking to do, but at least we aren’t screaming at each other. I can’t wait till it’s 2 weeks from now and I’m leaving to come see him. I’m so excited. I miss him so much. So yeah.
We are going to the Olive Garden for dinner. Then just lots of hanging out. Pretty much it’s only me, Nat, and Allison left. Kat and Martha are coming back late tonight, Jess and Yosh are probably doing something else, and everone else is gone.
So that’ll be my day and night. Look for updates about the delays my planes will have tomorrow.
And to everyone that was involved in last night, I am so sorry. I’m mostly sorry to Chris. I’m sorry honey for what happened between us. It should not have come to that. I love you.