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My Life

Everything Hates Me

Even the fucking vending machines.

I didn’t have any food in my house this morning to bring to campus, so that I could eat and not starve to death. So I grabbed $.75 so that I could get something from the vending machine. Well I came to Carver just now and wanted some Skittles. (The thing with least amount of fat/calories). Put in my $.75, and pushed in ’25’. And the god damn thing got stuck! I was pissed.

Now I have nothing to eat and I’m stuck on campus tell 5:30. I’m going to starve to death! ::whines::

Things yesterday/last night sucked. Lots of life decisions to be made, but none of it’s in my hands and that just really scares me. It seems as though they’ve been made, or at least narrowed, and I have yet to be informed of that… But there really hasn’t been any time to do that yet. I’m just waiting for tonight/whenever to roll around os that I know what’s going to happen. I hate being in suspense.

I did get to watch the West Wing and Ed Premiers last night though. They were both very sad and I cried during them.

The Ed one really got me thinking though, about the first time I’ve had sex, and the first time that Andrew and I did anything. It made me sad and really miss him, and having that physical relationship with him. It’s hard, and I’m glad that we at least still have the emotional relationship, mostly.

I’ve very scared right now, about a lot of things. The only thing though that I can really write about is my tests.

I have two this next week. Both have LARGE amounts of essay questions. I hate essay questions, and I suck at doing them. Not good.

My MGMT 414 prof gave us a list of 10 questions today that could potentially be essays. Someone asked how many he was going to pick and he said he didn’t know tell the day before the test. He did say that he will pick anywhere from 1-5 of those questions though.

Then someone asked him how long our responces have to be to the questions. And he said, “I’ll tell you that on the day of the test.”

GREAT!! So not only do we NOT know how many there are going to be, but we also have NO IDEA how long/detailed our answers need to be to get the full points.

AND to top it all off, the essays are 60% of our grade for the test! God damnit!

THEN THEN THEN!!! Get this, My International Poltics class we have a test on Tuesday, 50% of our grade on that test is the essay questions which could be from chapter 1-3 in our Nye Reading, any of the 8 short (ie, 5 page) articles that we’ve had to read, or ANY of the crazy news stories that he talks about in class every day!

NOt only do we have NO IDEA what READING they are going to be over, but we HAVE NO IDEA what the questions are going to be, or be like! I REALLY hate that.

THEN! There’s 6 short answer questions, which could be over any of the above readings, and the Foreword, Afterword or conclusion of this other book that we have to read!

Someone help… I’m going to fucking shoot myself. With this and all the emotional stresses going on, I really can’t handle all this.

And to make things 10 million times worse, I was mean and bitchy to Andrew last night, and I feel bad about that. 🙁 I wish everything could go back to the way that it was. Before he left, this is all just too much for me. But once this decision is made, everything will be better… Hopefully. And I have full faith that he will make the “right” decision. Whatever that may be, because honestly, I don’t even know. Only time will show us if the decision is right or not.

There is a little bit of good news going on in my life though… I’m wearing cute boxers!

Wait, that wasn’t it. Oh, I turned in my app today for the Yucatan thing. And there’s a meeting on the 9th of Oct to go to. So hopefully I get accepted to that. It’ll be way exciting and be a huge boost to my self-confidence. Because honestly, after seeing the Vegas pics, it’s lacking a bit more right now.

Oh, and FYI, they are cute boxers… They’re all black, with cute little ghost eyes on them. So adorable! I hope the others that they had go on sale here soon, cause I want them as well. So cute!

They don’t have the ones that I’m wearing on-line… But here’s the ones that I want:

(Ok, I actually have these!)


Anyways, I’m out… I think I may buy those tonight.. I seem to have extra money left over this month!

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